Ready
by sweetprincipale
Summary: AU early season 5. Riley and Buffy are still together and something big happened over the summer- a little bundle of joy is on the way. Buffy is not so joyful about how Riley is now treating her. She's ready to be seen as the Slayer and woman she still is, and Spike doesn't object to lending a hand (or other parts).
1. Chapter 1

**Ready**

 **by Sweetprincipale**

 _AU early season 5. Riley and Buffy are still together and something big happened over the summer- a little bundle of joy is on the way. Buffy is not so joyful about how Riley is now treating her. She's ready to be seen as the Slayer and woman she still is, and Spike doesn't object to lending a hand (or other parts)._

 _Author's Note: Joyce is around and healthy, but Dawn has not entered, nor Glory. Probably because if this were a show, the entire season would be devoted to this story arc, not the Glory one._

 _Author's Second Note: There is smuttiness here, including, but not focusing on, one partner being pregnant during the smut. If this offends thee, read not the piece :)_

 _Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._

 **Part I**

"I. Can't. Take. It. _Anymore_!" Buffy's voice rose on each word, until she was screaming, until the entire club was staring. And it took a lot to make people in this town stare.

"Um. Maybe we shouldn't have come here." Willow and Tara looked nervously at each other, then the enraged Slayer.

"I know a nice place that's open late. Tea. They serve tea." Tara suggested.

"What, I can't go to a club? I need a place that's kiddie-friendly?" Buffy demanded. "Riley was pissed at me for coming out for a girls' night anyway. Like a girls' night means drunken partying. Like I'd start to drink now. I've never been a drinker, but _now_ if I go near a bar I'll instantly become some drunk party girl."

"Umm." Tara blinked.

"He's just trying to be a good father." Willow soothed.

"He's not _my_ father!" Buffy bellowed, rising. "I need to go and get out of here. Kill something."

"We're not supposed to let her patrol." Tara hissed as the Slayer stalked from the table.

"Yeah, Riley said that. He didn't exactly say _how_ we should do that. Or let her _not_ do that." Willow stammered.

"Force wouldn't work. And we couldn't try that- now."

"We need a distraction." Willow looked around frantically. "Ooh, I never thought I'd say this in a happy voice- but there's Spike!"

"Spike's not going to help us!" Tara stared at her lover like she was mildly insane.

"He might. It's been kind of a quiet summer, he's probably been bored. Spike!" Willow flagged him down and pushed Tara after Buffy. "Just keep her busy for like- two minutes."

Tara made a whimper of protest, then squared her shoulders and tried to look determined as she fled after the blonde hurricane crashing through the Bronze.

* * *

"I will buy you a carton and a bottle of - whatever you want, just please, go with her. Don't let her get hurt."

"Why should I bloody care if she gets hurt?" Spike snorted.

Willow sidestepped that. "You can fight demons. You get your 'grrr!' on."

"That's not enough of an incentive, sorry." Spike shrugged carelessly and turned his back on the redhead.

Mistake. "Hey!" Willow's eyes blazed and she grabbed him by the collar and tugged him back to face her. They were both so surprised that he didn't bother to threaten or vamp and she forgot what she was planning to say. "Um."

"What the hell is so important that you go butch on me, Red?" Spike looked a bit curious now.

"Look, Buffy is… Buffy's not on her best game right now. If something happens to her, a new Slayer gets called, and that one might not care that you're chipped, or that you've helped us a lot this year, and they might just stake you. On principle. And Buffy's the only reason that the Initiative- whoever is still left in town now- doesn't bother you. Well, Riley, but that's 'cause of Buffy. And if Buffy gets hurt right now, Riley will crucify the person who did it. Or let it happen. In pieces. Multiple crucifixions."

He raised his dark brows. "Another question- why's White Bread so fierce all of the sudden? Slayer can look after herself."

She bit her lip, then leaned in. "Tell anyone evil what I'm about to say, and I'll curse you where it hurts." She gave a significant glance to his zip.

He frowned. "God, what's wrong?" A genuine note of care and interest entered his voice.

Her lips touched his ear. "She's pregnant."

* * *

He chuckled darkly. Inside. Outside, he was just stunned. Then he was off, running. It was too good not to tease her with. It was also - well, not a good thing if a pregnant Slayer got hurt and he could have helped her avoid it. If she died, the little thing inside would die. That would be somehow more acceptable, in his mind, than her getting badly hurt and the little thing dying alone. 'Cause then she'd be broken and Iowa Boy'd be deadly, and all fingers always ended up pointing at him. Kick the Spike was the favorite game in this town. He lost track of his thoughts, he just knew Buffy getting hurt now was bad, and he should prevent that for his own sake.

"Oi! Slayer, wait!" He raced to the girl and the blonde who was speaking placatingly to her. "Hi ladies." Spike drew up short and tried to smile charmingly.

"What the heck do you want?" Buffy attacked verbally on sight.

In his own best interests or not, Spike suddenly decided he didn't like the nearly deranged look in her eye. "I'm out." Spike backed up. Willow was unfortunately right behind him, and he ran into her.

"Two bottles." Willow hissed and pushed him forward.

"Why is _he_ here?" Buffy's eyes flashed dangerously between the girls and the vampire.

"She asked me to." Spike sold Willow out instantly.

"Hey!" Willow yelped. Buffy's face was thunderous. "I mean- Buffy, do you really want to go kill something?"

"Wait, I thought I was for helpin', not sacrificin'!" Spike's hissed.

"Shut up." Willow muttered.

"Oh, yeah. Ready to slay." Buffy growled. They all backed up a step. She had growled. Really.

"And Riley doesn't want you to because-"

"Willow!" Buffy shushed her with an anxious look at Spike.

"She told me." Spike raised his hands to his chest, palm outward. "Mozel tov."

"Willow, we're not supposed to let the evil undead population know!" Buffy looked like the rage was about to switch to tears, face twisting.

"Shit." Spike breathed out. "I won't tell, I swear on everything unholy."

"And if Spike knows, he can watch your back tonight. You can do a patrol, he can help with anything heavy or extra life threatening. No one has to tell Riley."

"Willow. You can't ask Buffy to lie to her boyfriend." Tara shook her head urgently.

"Oh yes, she can." Buffy said huffily. "It sounds like a- a not terrible plan." She turned suspiciously back to the vampire. "Why would you do this?"

"Smokes and two bottles of whatever I want, courtesy of Red."

"We're going too." Tara declared. "And we're not staying out long. Two hours. You need to rest."

"Argggggghhh." Buffy's groan rent the night, her hands invisibly strangling something. "You sound just like him!"

"I- isn't that a nice thing? He wants you to rest?"

Another groan, this one with a whole string of vile cursing to follow.

Spike looked impressed, Willow shocked, and Tara bright red and stammering.

"Maybe Slayer and I should take the east side, you take the west." Spike reached for Buffy's elbow, but made sure not to touch it. "Slayer? You can kick all the asses you want. Free booze, and maybe I can heckle your form. Though you're not showin'. Don't look like a puffed up version of yourself. You're probably still as fast and lethal, yeah?"

She replied to him, but looked at her friends. "Yes. I _am_."

"Not arguin'."

"Let's go."

"But- two hours?" Willow asked plaintively.

"If I'm not back at the dorm by one you can tattle on me, okay?"

"Buffy, it's not like that…"

"Save it."

* * *

"Hm. That was unusual back there." Spike trailed a few paces back, his loping gait easily kept up with her huffy one. She wasn't running, too busy stomping, taking whatever anger she had out on the sidewalk.

"What?" She dared him to elaborate.

"Mind if I smoke?" He ignored the implicit dare.

"Nope. Do whatever the hell you want. Hell, take a swing if you want, I could use a laugh."

It clicked. "So that's it! You don't want the little bun in your oven. You want to get roughed up so-"

The fist slammed into him so hard he thought his fangs might be permanently stuck into his skull. "Ow!" He stared up at her in shock, rear embedded in a concrete sidewalk tile.

"Of course I want this baby! I love this baby!" Buffy twisted her blood coated knuckles into the collar of his black tee, choking him as she hauled him up. "And if I thought you would _ever_ be stupid enough to try to hurt it, I would stake you before you could take another puff on your damn cancer-stick. But I was just in a smoky club, and the wind is blowing back, towards you, not in my face. I don't think one more menthol whiff is going to hurt little me. Or little him." Her voice became faintly disgusted on the final word.

"I believe you, and I just lost the urge for a cig, okay?" He gently pried her hand down. "I don't need to breathe, but I like to swallow on occasion. Comes in handy for those of us on a liquid diet." He rubbed his Adam's apple as she released her choke hold.

"Grm. Sorry." A heated grunt, then a grudging apology. "Can we not talk? Can you just… yeah. Pretend I need help?"

"I'm not that good of an actor, Pet." Spike smirked. "I know you don't need help. If anything, you're probably a little more quick on your kills now, aren't you?"

She narrowed her eyes, but didn't look at him. Giles had noticed the same thing. It made patrols awfully short. And sort of…unsatisfying. "What makes you say that?"

"Stands to reason." He shrugged. "If you do care about the little one, then you're quicker to dispatch threats to it." It was his turn for narrowed eyes. _Wait. Then she doesn_ _'_ _t think I_ _'_ _m much of a threat, does she? Well, it_ _'_ _s keepin_ _'_ _me alive, that_ _'_ _s good._

"So why do you get that I'm better, not worse, and he doesn't?"

"Which he?"

"Riley."

"Oh. 'Cause he's an idiot."

She laughed, one long, loud burst, before she guiltily clamped her hand to her mouth. "Sorry."

"Please, Slayer, I enjoy it." He grinned crookedly.

"Just- follow me and if I'm not as fast as you think I should be, do something about it?"

"Will do."

* * *

But like he would've predicted- no real need of his services. Five encounters, five dead or dusty in minutes of sighting her target. He never even got his hands out of his pockets. There wasn't even time to heckle. Pretty boy and his squad had needed six men and some drugged wonder dart to take him, one lone vampire.

"You sure he's not just jealous?" Spike finally queried after the fifth one had met its end.

"He was already jealous." Buffy panted. She suddenly grabbed in the region of her abdomen.

 _Oh hell. I watched! She was fine_! "What is it?" He asked warily.

"I'm fine." She said in a totally unconvincing, pinched voice.

"Why you grabbin' the belly?"

"It's not the belly, okay? It's the bladder. I have to pee." She admitted.

"Oh." Relief. " _Ohh_." Problem. About midnight, middle of a cemetery. The only place local with something that might pass for a decent loo was… "If you tell anyone this, I'm gonna have to shut your mouth, baby or no baby, chip or no chip."

Her eyes widened at the low, threatening tone. "What?"

"Got a bathroom- well- the toilet part of it, in the crypt. That's all that's close to here and open at this hour."

"Why do you-"

"It was a demon's shack up before it was mine, all right? He had more human-type needs in that department." Spike stalked ahead of her this time. "Follow me, and I'm serious. I don't want people droppin' in on me all the time to use the bloody facilities."

 _Going into Spike_ _'_ _s crypt. Alone. At night._

 _To pee._

Her bladder gave a very determined twinge. "Okay. I'm not going to die from using it, am I?"

"Only if you trip down the ladder and break your ruddy neck." He groused, not looking back at her.

She paused. Then trotted after. "Ladder?"

* * *

One empty bladder and hearty thanks that surprised him later, and he said they ought to head back. She shook her head.

"I need one more."

"Why? You trying to make some sort of quota? Kill a half-dozen in a night, win cash prizes?"

"I wish." She swished off determinedly.

* * *

The sixth kill wasn't forthcoming. He rolled his eyes, resorted to smoking, and heckling in retrospect. The Slayer ignored him.

"Gahh!" She finally turned to him.

 _Almost ignored him._ "Would you please _shut_ _up_?"

Spike tossed his hands in the air in defeat. "Fine! God, you're moody! I've heard that about pregnant women. Soaps mentioned it anyway."

"It's not the baby." She murmured. Then she looked at him, really looked at him for the first time in their few hours together. " _Everything_ is not about being pregnant. Everything is not about babies." This time her voice was a combination of fire and flint.

"I never said it was." He frowned. "You seem pretty well brassed off. Not that I want to play therapist, but I don't like getting bitched at constantly, so do you want to tell me what's eatin' you? Or at least how I save myself from your wrath, Slayer?"

A hesitation, then a sigh. "Actually, you're doing the best of anyone I've seen today."

"Well, bully for me." He smirked. Then waited.

"I am _not_ just an incubator for this baby." Buffy said darkly. "I did not become some helpless housewife when I got pregnant."

A short "pfft!" sound shot from his pursed lips. "That's pretty bleedin' obvious."

"To you. And- if I'm thinking clearly, when I'm not uber pissed off, not to my friends or Giles, either. They want me to rest and eat right, and all those things 'cause I'm pregnant, but that's for me, too. I need it. 'Cause I've been a little more tired, a little more hungry."

"You? _Tired_? You just ripped through those guys like they were made of pudding." She mumbled something that he couldn't catch, even with his hearing, and the scowl was back. Something about appetite, maybe, but he wouldn't risk a comment. "So the Scoobies and the Watcher aren't to blame. How's your mum taking this?"

"Not thrilled, but kinda oddly okay with it. With Angel there was no hope for a grandchild, and with Riley… one little rip in the latex and instant grandma. Having a daughter who gives you grandkids is 'normal'. So she's happy about that part."

"He ripped the… huh. Didn't seem like the overly passionate, 'ripping' type." Spike blinked in semi-appreciation.

 _He_ _'_ _s not. Slayer muscles and riding too hard, trying to finally get off_ _…_ She shook those memories away. So there had been some problems. He was so happy he was going to be a dad. He proposed almost instantly, wanted to do the right and honorable thing, went with her to her second appointment at the OB… "A lot of guys would have freaked out. Left. Broken up." She mused aloud.

"I'm glad he's decent. Cares about you." He gave her a half-smile. He had lost his own dad pretty early. He was happy that the Slayer's kid would have someone around.

But at his kind words, the dark clouds crossed her face again, and Spike was mystified. It was like Russian Roulette had settled in her brain and you didn't know what verbal trigger would send a bullet flying at you.

"He cares about the baby. He… I'm not sure what he feels about me right now." Buffy's face twitched as she said the words that had been rolling around her mind, searching for an exit.

"If he cares about the kid, isn't that the same thing?"

"No! No, everyone thinks that, but it's not! He started treating me different the moment he found out. He stopped being impressed that I'm the Slayer and now he wants me to stay home every night. He wants me with _him_ every night, so he can 'keep an eye on me'. He doesn't want me to go anywhere I used to go, or see my friends 'cause they're going to 'get me hurt or into trouble'." Spike opened his mouth, but she was in a torrent that couldn't be stemmed. "He asks what I ate, how many hours I slept- and he _hates_ that I won't move out of the dorm and back home with my mom. Because 'the dorm isn't any place for a pregnant woman'." She mocked in a deep voice.

"He has a-"

"I don't even think he wants me to finish this semester- it's barely started!- but he knows that's wrong. No one would be on his side about that, but everyone agrees that I should be careful, get rest, all that jazz."

"He's not wrong about the rest and bein' a bit careful. You said it yourself, you love that baby. You'd do what's best for it."

"But it's _how_ he's talking to _me_. I'm seriously not his girlfriend anymore! I'm like - not even his wife, not even the mother of his child! I'm- I'm the hen who's sitting on the egg, waiting for it to hatch out a miniature Riley!"

"Slayer-"

"He hasn't slept with me in six weeks. _Six. Weeks_." She suddenly snapped a stake in half. "Do you know how frustrating it is when the guy practically begs you to give up everything and just stay with him- and then he won't touch you, or even talk to you like he used to? Six weeks!"

"Ohhhh." _Appetites. I get it now._ "Maybe he's afraid he'll hurt-"

"The baby? No! I asked him that. I asked the obstetrician, _in front of him_ , if sex was safe, and she said it was for the whole pregnancy, but especially now that I'm past twelve weeks. I'm not even fat!" Her face suddenly crumpled again, that cross between anger and tears.

He blkined, trying to work fat into the equation, but agreed, "Not showin'. No one would ever know." He really didn't want her to cry. "So why won't he?"

"He doesn't say. My guess is it's because I'm 'someone's mother' now. Maybe in his mind moms don't have sex."

Well, that was just too absurd. He couldn't contain the laughter. "Then how the fuck are there any siblings in this world?"

"That's a good point! Damn, I didn't use that one." She sighed. "Doesn't matter. I tried every other argument I could think of to convince him it was okay."

"You have to try to 'convince' him to give you a little touch?" This boy was daft. You don't turn down beautiful women who you claim to love. You don't turn down powerful, snap-you-in-half Slayers. This was both, and he was rejecting both. Doubly daft.

"Well I… I stopped trying lately." She admitted, flustered. "The guy keeps turning you down, even with all your best moves, and you start to feel- it's just not a good feeling." _Wait. How did all this come up? Come_ out _? Why did I tell Spike? I didn_ _'_ _t tell anyone else. Why is there a stake in two pieces in my hand?_

"I understand, Slayer. Trust me. Not the same circumstances, but tryin' your best, and still not getting the prize."

"Mmf." She made a small, sad noise of acceptance.

Silence for a few steps. "Past twelve weeks? How far are you?" _How long does this all take?_

"Fourteen weeks."

"You hid this from me all this time? I see you a couple times a week!"

"I don't automatically tell you things." Buffy was hiding it from most people, not out of shame, out of being rationally cautious about word getting through the evil grapevine. Riley acted like she was some drooling infant herself, incapable of taking any measures to protect herself or the baby. "But now you know. _I_ didn't even know until I was like- seven weeks along? I think. Yeah, it was seven weeks. Then I waited a couple days to tell him, got a doctor's appointment to confirm what the little pee-on-a-stick test said. So he hasn't touched me since I told him… Seven weeks. _Seven_." This additional week seemed to send her closer to some internal edge. The halved stake now splintered. "Spike, so help me, if you do not take me to some low down, secret evil place where I can kill a demon- I - I don't know what I'll do, but it will be ugly."

"Easy, easy!" He soothed. "I don't know any secret extra bad hotspots, Luv. And if I did, they'd be full up, not just one or two for you to take on. Why don't you go home and have a nice time on your own? Or with something plastic?"

"I don't own anything 'plastic'. But I might get something soon." _Oh. God. I just told Spike I might buy a sex toy._ "I hate Riley." The words were out before she knew they were coming. "I can't- I can't keep doing this."

 _Oh hell._ The tears surfaced. He reached over awkwardly and patted her back. "There, there."

That had the reverse effect. "You're touching me more than my boyfriend has in almost two months!" She let out a wail.

"Oh damn, please don't do this. The crying. You're- you're a very pretty girl, you're smart and strong and you're powerful… You don't have to cry. You don't have to stick with pillocks who make you feel bad. You know that. You don't need me to tell you this."

"But he's the father."

"But you said he's not treatin' _you_ right. So he gave you a little deposit. He can still see the little one when it comes out, give it all that super fatherly attention he's pushin' on you. You don't have to go around for the next seven months or however long it is bein' lonely and miserable and makin' life hell for everyone around you."

She sniffled. "You're being nice."

"We _were_ engaged once." He tried to joke.

"Oh right." _And he kissed me. And he can kiss, boy, can he kiss. He could do things with his tongue that Riley couldn_ _'_ _t do with both hands and an instruction manual. Hey! Don_ _'_ _t think like that!_

She wasn't pulling away from his hand. His hand which had been on her shoulder and was now on her back because in the midst of crying and him dispensing some selfishly motivated advice, they'd come a step or two closer. He sniffed. Something familiar yet different twitched his nostrils, coming from her. Specific parts of her.

 _Oh._ "Let's go find you one more demon to slay."

 _Or I could just slay him. I mean, let him slay me. No slaying. Doing._ "I- I should go home."

"I'm s'posed to see you there."

 _I can_ _'_ _t be around him right now. Vulnerable is a really soap-opera-y word, but it fits right now._ _I told him everything, and he knows too much, and he_ _'_ _s- really, really hot when he_ _'_ _s not being evil._ "I'm not feeling like myself."

"No… I see that." He patted her once more, less awkwardly. Even a bit- lingeringly. "Prolly has something to do with the fact that your man hasn't been treating you like you for a long time. Takes a toll."

"Uh-huh." She nodded slowly.

"You ever need a- need someone who treats you like you are, powerful, pretty, and more than just a hen on a nest, I- I hope you find him." He backed up hastily, like he'd been singed. He'd wanted to say he was available. He'd wanted her so badly during that spell. And for several nights after. If the witch had kept it going a few more hours and they'd had some time alone, they would've done more than round second base through her pretty summery shirt. Erotic and disturbing dreams and images were racing back to him, and he knew it was a mistake to keep touching her, even in the most innocent way.

 _Made plenty of mistakes in my time, but this one might get me killed properly._ Still, he couldn't help but think of Buffy's words. _Trying all her best moves and the bloke kept turning her down. Kinda wish she_ _'_ _d try those moves on me_ _…_

"I hope I find him too. Even if I only found him once- to kind of 'fix' things." _I_ _'_ _m not that desperate, am I? It_ _'_ _s jut sex._

 _Yes, I am, because this isn_ _'_ _t just about sex, it_ _'_ _s about feeling like Riley doesn_ _'_ _t even see me when I_ _'_ _m standing right in front of him!_

 _Yes, I am. Because the guy has to know this is a secret, and he has to know my secret. Secrets plural. He has to be the kind of person who could get the job done without hurting me- and be strong enough to actually make me cum because if I don_ _'_ _t cum, I will seriously kill something. It might not even be evil. It could be someone who talks during movies, or jaywalks, or chews with their mouth open. For the greater good- I need an orgasm._

"Slayer, you're starin'. Not talkin'. I don't know what to do when your mouth stops moving. Hardly ever seen it happen."

"Thinking." She shook herself and started walking. He fell into step beside her.

"Thinking what?"

"Bad thoughts."

"Sounds like my kind of party. Tell me?"

She hesitated for only a second. "It would have to be someone who knows I'm - someone who knows about the baby and doesn't mind."

"Why would he mind? You said it was safe to do the deed even if you're knocked up."

"It is. But it's still something private. I'd want him to be careful. Not too careful, just aware."

This was hurting his brain. "What's wrong with your boy, Slayer? Don't shove anything through my chest for sayin' it, but c'mon! What man doesn't take his girl to bed, and isn't aware of what she wants to begin with? Does he just slam into you until he can't hold back, then it's done?"

"No!" _Not always. He_ _'_ _s good. He_ _'_ _s nice, and he_ _'_ _s loving, and he makes me feel special and beautiful. He used to, anyway, back when I was still me, not Miss Maternity. He needed some help finding the_ _"_ _O_ _"_ _, but a lot of couples do. I think._

Spike watched her mouth moving, nothing coming from it. _Christ. She_ _'_ _s gonna bawl again._ "I shouldn't have said anything."

"Riley isn't bad. He's not a bad guy. And he's not bad- there. I'm not that experienced either, okay?" _Why am I telling him this?_

 _Because you want him to know before you start. Start with him._ Her chest was tight with that feeling of tension one gets before something unavoidable happens.

"You're a Slayer. With the flexibility, the speed, the stamina, the strength- you wouldn't need too much experience to get what you wanted out of any man." _You could take whatever you want in that department from me. But if we_ _'_ _re bein_ _'_ _honest_ _…_ "Not like everyone's definition of experience is the same. Take me, for example. I never was with a human. 'Specially not a pregnant one. Probably a new thing for most blokes your age. The pregnant bit, not the human bit." He faltered. _I just told her -in so many words- that I died a virgin._

 _He never_ _…_ _wait, that means he was a virgin when he died._ "How old were you when you got turned?" She suddenly asked.

"I don't remember." He lied stiffly. "But I wasn't married or engaged, and in Victoria's time, a gentleman waited- unless he went after the servants." He paused. She stared. "We had ugly servants, all right?" He snapped.

"You had _servants?_ I thought you were some street thug, a criminal-mastermind-lady-killer."

"Unless you want me to go to Willy's and tell the local demons to start knitting booties for you, you'll keep thinkin' the same thing." He warned.

"Secret's safe with me. If you could keep quiet about- oh, everything I just sobbed out and freaked out about?"

"Deal." He inhaled the night air- and that sweet whiff of arousal. Dammit. "Come on. Ready to go?"

"So ready."

The double meaning took a few seconds to filter through each brain.

"I can keep any secret you want, if I'm getting a good turn myself." He threw it out casually, and tried to word it so it didn't sound like a favor, more like a truce. They'd had some before, they worked out well enough.

Her steps diverted. They were starting a long arc. Back towards his crypt.

"I like him. I really do. Did, anyway. Right now I'm too mad to know if I still do. But I know I don't _love_ him. And I don't want to marry him. I can't do this my whole life, and once you say you don't want to marry a guy- marry him _ever_ , not just right now, like waiting until college is done or something- I think people break up." _I don_ _'_ _t want another break up! I don_ _'_ _t want this mess at all! Why can_ _'_ _t he just love me like I am, not like he wants me to be?_

 _Maybe_ _'_ _cause I don_ _'_ _t love him like he is either._ A shuddering sigh that unearthed a few final unshed tears.

Spike's voice was a reflective drawl. "In our case, we still have a decent workin' relationship, right, Slayer?"

"We had a spell." She reminded him ruefully.

"And it wasn't so bad. 'Specially the few times you sat on my lap, Luv."

"Don't be gross."

"Sorry. I thought-" No, he'd been _sure._ Or maybe that arousal wasn't for him, it was the fight, and just lustiness in general, a pent up sweet thing like her, feeling lonely. Not lonely for him.

 _Then why are we heading back to my place, not hers?_

"Defensive Buffy." She whispered. "Buffy who feels really bad that she has the sex drive of some jungle animal and her own boyfriend has taken to kissing her on the forehead instead of the mouth. All the time. Every. Day."

"Wow. He's got some hang up over mums. And speakin' as someone who had quite an interesting relationship with my own, at the end of things- his is a head scratcher."

"He forgets who I am. It's not just now. It happened before, too. Sometimes I was the Slayer, sometimes I was Buffy, sometimes I was just normal girlfriend. I can't blame him for that one, 'cause I knew I was pretending too."

"Nice of you to take some of the blame."

"For that. Not for this. I even showed him the article about increased blood flow to the pelvic region during pregnancy. It increases the libido."

"It does?" Spike's eyes flickered to hers.

"Yeah. 'Cause there's way more blood volume when you're pregnant, and it has to go some place. You get bigger on top, and puffier down there- first." She broke off with a dark blush as she gestured to her top half, then between her hips.

 _More blood. Bigger tits. Puffy. High libido. Put all of it in a Slayer body. Put all of it in_ that _Slayer_ _'_ _s body._ He let out a little growl of desire.

 _Ohhhh, yes_. She shivered inside. _No. No no no. Not with Spike. With Riley._

 _Which isn_ _'_ _t happening. I_ _'_ _ve tried everything. He never even looks mildly interested. Spike looks like his tongue might unroll like those cartoon characters when you hit them on the head with the big hammer._ "You like those things?" Buffy asked in an almost timid voice.

"Gee, lemme think abou- yes!" He snarled. "Are you gonna tease me like this?"

"What tease? I- I said all the same things to the guy who actually likes me, says he wants to marry me, and he just nods and smiles. No action. No-" she swallowed "interest."

"I'm interested and I'm ready for whatever action you want, 's long as you promise not to stake me when it's done. Or during. Or tell anyone."

 _This is a bad, bad, bad idea_. "Oh God. Deal." They'd reached the crypt again. She had seen the huge, magnificently covered bed when using the pitiful excuse for a bathroom. Now she would get to try it out.

"You know the way." He grinned.

"You can't make this a joke." Her hand went protectively to her stomach as she stepped inside. He was incapable of causing her physical pain. She'd had a lot of the emotional, feeling unloved and unwanted kind lately though, and she couldn't take any more, not even kidding and snarking around which was so common between them.

Spike shut the door firmly behind her, and an unknown urge inside him made him bold enough to reach out and put his hand over hers. "Hey. You're safe. Both of you. No jokes, Luv. Just want to do the same thing you want to do. An' if you don't like it, you know you could make me stop. You could just ask me, and I could stop."

"Lately all I've been trying to do is get someone to start."

He chuckled. "This engine is revved, Precious. Give me the signal and I'll be ready."

She licked her drying out lips. "Go." Buffy whispered.

* * *

 _To be continued…_

 _End note: This could be a short piece 2-3 chapters, or a longer one. Depends partially on muse and partially on reader interest, so feel free to let me know if you think this should go the long or short route._


	2. Chapter 2

**Ready**

 **by Sweetprincipale**

 _AU early season 5. Riley and Buffy are still together and something big happened over the summer- a little bundle of joy is on the way. Buffy is not so joyful about how Riley is now treating her. She's ready to be seen as the Slayer and woman she still is, and Spike doesn't object to lending a hand (or other parts)._

 _Author's Note: Joyce is around and healthy, but Dawn has not entered, nor Glory. Probably because if this were a show, the entire season would be devoted to this story arc, not the Glory one._

 _Author's Second Note: There is smuttiness here, including, but not focusing on, one partner being pregnant during the smut. If this offends thee, read not the piece :)_

 _Dedicated to: Ginar369,_ _AGriffinWriter_ _, writerdragonfly, Illusera,_ _omslagspapper_ _, jhiz, The Three March Hares lil-leti, ptb, nrdhrd3, Ismeme Daughter of Athena,_ _Jackiemack916_ _,_ _elacartier_ _,_ _Caskett93_ _,_ _Cloongarvin_ _,_ _midnightjen_ _, and_ _lurker09_ _\- and guests. Wow. All I can say is thank you. You make it a pleasure to write, my friends! so nice to see so many old and new names popping up in the review column!_

 _Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._

 **Part II**

Down the ladder, to the silk sheets, and a flicker of his lighter in the dark, turning the place golden in seconds as one candle passed the light to the next and next. "Wow." She admired.

"Bed's always gotta be the best part of a home, doesn't it?" Though his had been lonely for months, ever since he chucked Harm out.

"I wish." She mumbled.

"Wish granted, as long as you're here."

"We have to be quick." _Thirty to forty minutes. Riley could last that long. Longer. He just doesn_ _'_ _t always_ _"_ _accomplish_ _"_ _things in that time._

"I know. I can do a lot in a little time."

 _Spike thinks about quick the same way I do. Which is long for normal people. Good._ "Good." She said fervently, eager to feel something, but hesitant to begin at the same time. She waited for the cocky vampire to make a move.

He didn't. If his heart could have thumped it would have broken a rib. Not nerves exactly. Anticipation and maybe- fear? Fear gave the senses a boost, and a high, but this was different. He didn't want to do anything wrong to ruin this. Probably his one and only chance to get her between the sheets. Even now he wouldn't admit that thought had been teasing him ever since she'd kissed him during their "engagement."

"This is kind of how the bedroom situation with Riley is." Buffy made a wry face. "A lot of me staring and no doing."

"Sit down, Luv." He gestured to the edge of the bed. "Jus' tell me how you like it?"

"I… don't know." She felt so stupid. Sex with three partners, but only one was a repeat affair. After a few initial bursts of passion, there was nothing. Well, there were basics, few times a week, him on top, her on top, lights on, lights off, satisfaction. Then it trickled and stopped. _Maybe it_ _'_ _s not the baby. Maybe it_ _'_ _s me._

"It's not you." He reassured.

"Did I say that out loud?" Buffy asked, aghast.

"No. I meant, it's not only you. I'm not sure, either. Don't wanna do the wrong thing. If I even bloody _say_ the wrong thing, you 'bout decapitated me that tongue of yours."

"It's not even hormones. Maybe a little. But- but I'm such a bitch right now, and it's not my fault! I don't _think_ it's my fault. I tried being sweet and nice and everything, and I _am_ sweet and nice. You know- not to you, to people I actually like." She sat heavily on the bed, head in her hands.

He let out a quiet laugh and joined her. "Ahh, Slayer, c'mon now. Too hard on yourself by half. Look, I been on the receiving end of the cold shoulder. Doesn't matter why, or how, sucks anyway." Spike patted her middle back, and turned it into a rub, slow, circular, firm, but not pushing.

"Mmm." She made a happy sound, slowly raising her neck, rocking her head back on her shoulders.

"Mmmm." He watched that neck. "You got so much extra blood right now, d'you reckon I could-"

"No. That's on the not safe list." She answered him easily, without venom, eyes still closed, head still back, arching her spine into his hand.

"Just asking." _She didn_ _'_ _t get riled, and I don_ _'_ _t mind that I can_ _'_ _t get a bite since I_ _'_ _m getting somethin_ _'_ _else. But I can nibble_. He leaned forward hesitantly. He saw her eyes flicker open, but then close again. He didn't breathe, but he let out what was in his dead lungs, a cold burst of air, hit her throat, and she squirmed. Squirmed, but didn't pull away. "I'm not gonna end up doin' all the work, am I?" _Not that I should complain. Haven_ _'_ _t had any of this in months, wouldn_ _'_ _t mind something wet wrapped around me, even if it was passive._

"I'm- I'm just waiting for you to make the first move, and then - you know. It's like when we fight. Used to fight. You throw a punch, I throw a punch…" Eyes still closed, voice deeper and breathing shallower. Her hand moved over to his denim clad knee and gave a little squeeze. He shifted, she shifted, turning in to face one another as they sat on the edge.

"Ah. First blood to me." He lowered his lips to her throat and suckled, no teeth, just pulling with his lips, a long, hot press to her pulse point.

Buffy gasped, a pleasurable "This roller coaster just started to move" kind of gasp, and she found her hand raking through the back of his hair in response. Her other hand traveled up from knee to thigh, starting to squeeze more purposefully.

 _She_ _'_ _s got quite a grip._ "You ever bruise him?" He whispered, lips starting to rove up, find a spot alongside her ear.

"Sometimes." She breathed out. She felt a stab of guilt. _I break boyfriends. Unless I think really hard and control every move._

"He didn't like it." Spike said with certainty, lips still working their magic.

"He said he didn't mind." They both knew it was a lie, and she'd become more and more careful until sex was almost an act of concentration for her instead of a time of love and abandon.

"News for you- I love it. But," he forestalled her next comment, "I won't be leaving any marks on you. 'Cept that one." He traced the deep, throbbing patch of his first kiss.

"You could. Not like he'd see them."

"No. The - this. Because of this." He moved his hand to just below her navel. She jumped slightly, and his hand fell quickly to her thigh. "Sorry." Another little murmur.

"It's okay." Lips moved to his cheek this time, head to head, kissing everywhere but mouths, as if that were taboo. _Why? I kissed him there before._

 _It was amazing._

 _Maybe that_ _'_ _s why._

 _What? I don_ _'_ _t want amazing? I_ _'_ _m going to have a huge life-changing event and this is where it starts, the night I decided I would rather be with a guy who treats me like Buffy, than wait to see if my boyfriend who looks good on paper but treats me like a baby storage facility ever wakes up. It had_ better _be worth it._ With a sudden twist, she planted her mouth on his.

 _What in the world was wrong with that army git?_ Spike found himself lost in her lips, falling happily along, landing half over her as they laid back, her hands pulling him there. Her tongue was a little tease, half-shy, then bold, and her hands clamped down and held on. She kissed him like she might never feel someone else with her again, and she was determined to make this count. In other words- animalistic, hell or high water passion.

"That's my Slayer." He moaned out when he got his mouth free.

"Spike." A little hurried pant and she reached for his face to guide it back to hers, but he had other ideas.

"Let's get these off." He was sitting up a bit, pulling off his own shirt, gesturing to hers.

"Oh. Yeah." There had to be nudity to have sex. For all of her protestations that she wasn't fat, she did look a little different now and she was aware of it. Just starting to notice some changes. Breasts were larger, nipples darker, still perky just maybe sort of- hanging lower? There were veins on her shoulders and chest she swore she never saw before. And her waist wasn't gone, but it wasn't where it had been, it was starting to thicken out.

"I'm not gonna get milk on me? Am I?" Spike asked and watched her head jerk up with wide panicked eyes as she worked her shirt halfway up her ribs. "It's okay if I do, actually. I don't care." He shrugged easily, hoping he hadn't just lit the fuse on another word bomb.

"There's not milk. Y-yet." Buffy considered keeping her shirt on.

"Oh. I didn't know. Never looked into anything." Two lusty people had suddenly become two uncomfortable people.

Buffy stopped removing her top. _Maybe this is how Riley feels? Like I_ _'_ _m too many fluids and changes and stuff. He never liked unpredictable things. Like me._

"Look, just 'cause I ask a few dumb questions doesn't mean I can't make you happy." Spike sounded impatient. He felt impatient, and inexperienced, something he didn't like to feel with women. 'Specially not the sworn enemy/chummy associate-as-needed that never missed a chance to put him down.

"No, I know. Sorry. At least you're trying. You're asking." She swallowed. "I don't know all the answers either. I've been kind of freaked out, so researching this pregnancy thing has been a little slow. Mainly it's just been like 'Oh my God. I got pregnant.' and 'My relationship went to hell in a totally unexpected way.'. The joys of being a Slayer, huh?"

"Barrel of laughs." He paused. "Not to add to your frustration, Pet, but we're running out of time to get your jollies. Maybe we can just figure it out as we go?"

"Sounds like an awesome plan." _Twenty to thirty minutes. I can be late. Thirty minutes or a little more. I_ _'_ _m not thinking with my brain, I_ _'_ _m thinking with my-_ "Ohhh." Spike just took off his belt and unzipped, not showing anything yet, but giving her all kinds of yummies for the imagination.

"You better catch up, Luv. This is more for you than me. Even though," he was back on the bed, way too near to her, "I'm reapin' the rewards as well."

 _He thinks of sex with me as good thing. Reward thing. Wants it. Wants me. I just want it._ Until she looked at him. With those smoked sapphire eyes and the smirk that curled, the hand that was sinewy but soft over her upper arm. _Okay. Want Spike, too._

* * *

It was easier once he helped her. For someone in a hurry, he was still all about details, and appreciation.

"I like these. They're a bit bigger, aren't they?" He palmed her breasts through lace cups, then he nuzzled the soft line of cleavage he gained as he pressed them together.

"Yeah, some." She couldn't breathe. They were more sensitive. Nipples engorged easily, like when he laid light kisses on both as she undid the catch and let him lower the fabric.

"Beauties." He praised reverently, and ran his tongue along a vein.

Hands joining together on her waist helped unbutton, unzip, and lower her jeans. She reached for her chunky heeled boots, but he was already there, hand caressing her ankle as he slipped them off, making a path for her jeans to follow. Her hands rode over his shoulders, down his chest, and his rode back up her legs, but both diverted to rest on hips, as if unable to touch the most forbidden fruits just yet.

"Gorgeous." He looked at her with frank admiration, and it made her blush. "That's pretty too." He liked the combination, blushing innocent combined with a power that would knock him through walls. He reminded himself to go easy, as going through a wall down here might cause a cave-in.

"Gorgeous. You, too." She really looked at him now, because he was standing, shifting to kneel over her before getting into position she guessed. Majorly defined chest. Ridges of muscle, amazing glutes, and no tan lines. She kind of liked that all over cream look. And then- in between the lean, mean thighs- not so thick, but perfectly proportionate. Hard, too. Without touching she knew that would split her in half, probably could rip through her physically if he wanted to.

"Thanks, Slayer." He reached down and grabbed the top of her panties, and gave her a quick glance. She raised her hips and he rolled them down with a hasty pull that left her blushing all over again.

 _Ohh look at that. That_ _'_ _s the sweetest._ Dru and Harm- the colors faded. Bloodless and alabaster, they had some sections of pale pink. She was a canvas of dark roses and light corals topped with pretty little curls.

"What's happening?" Buffy half sat up as he dropped from kneeling over to lying over, but facing the wrong way.

"Three guesses." He gently tugged on her hips, then one thigh, opening her up for his mouth.

"We don't have to do that." Buffy squeaked. "There's not time."

"There's always time for a little taste. Sides, this guarantees you get at least one."

"Spike…" Her throat tightened up, matching the grip on his shoulder as she shook her head.

"Oh?" He stopped trying to get her legs apart. "It's one of those 'not safe' things?"

"N-no. You can, I mean, you can't blow air. Inside."

"I don't blow air anyway." He rolled his eyes. "Just can force some in and out if I want." At the sight of her wide worried eyes he reminded her "I don't have to breathe. Even the shadow motions, Pet, don't have to at all if you're worried it'll hurt the cargo."

Riley didn't do this often. And hadn't since a few weeks before she announced their unexpected event, simply because they hadn't included it in any of their love making. Spike's willingness, even eagerness, to perform on her brought up stabs of resentment towards Riley and fear that she didn't know if she still tasted good. More wet lately. More swollen. _I always have a long shower first and- Spike doesn_ _'_ _t care_. "You don't have to." She repeated faintly.

"One little taste, I'll stop if you don't like it." He promised, and she relaxed enough to let him get one knee up over his shoulder, and rest his head on her soft inner thigh. "Selfish bitch." He muttered before he started flicking his tongue along her folds.

"What did you call- ohhhh. Ohh- okay. You go ahead." Buffy closed her eyes and stopped thinking.

"Selfish. Bitch." He repeated between licks that were turning into sucks. "Got all this- sweet, wet, juicy peach- God, you're wet- and you don't want to share." His tongue pushed in and he worked inside her, his eyes half-glaring, half-teasing as they watched her react.

"I do- I do want to share!" She whimpered, squirming. His arm came up and locked down over one leg, but he let her rest between long, sweet licks of her center. "Just no one to share with."

His touch seemed to loosen, tongue seemed to slow. Sucks turned into kisses, long ones, open mouthed and probing. "You can share this with me, Luv. Much as you want."

"Okay!" She cried out, arching up as a small, short burst of orgasm hit her. She made another whimper, like she was trying not to let go completely in front of him.

"Hey. If you don't like it you're s'posed to tell me." Spike stroked her thigh and lifted his head. "Think we've established that I can't get in that land mine you call a brain right now."

"No- you did. And it feels awesome. I just- unnh."

"More?"

"Yes!"

"My pleasure."

"Ooooh, I'm gonna say it's mine." She gasped out.

"Well, you could help a fellow out if you want." His hips gave a thrust and Buffy noticed the position of the rest of his body for the first time. So busy concentrating on where his head was, she forgot where she had hers.

"Sure." She agreed much easier than either of them would have imagined. "Can you- oooh, that was nice- roll on your side some?"

 _Slayer_ _'_ _s going to touch me. Or suck me._ He bit down her thigh a little harder than he meant to as he shifted for her.

 _I was right. That thing could tear through someone._ Buffy ran a finger hesitantly along the white rod in front of her and thought it was inhumanely hard. Marblesque. If she craned her neck she could easily taste him. Her fingers trailed back up and this time he seemed softer, the skin warming up under her hand.

"Ohh God, yeah."

Just her fingers made him moan. And his fingers- "Spike!" She yelped in surprise as two pushed slowly into her.

"Shit, you're tight. This hurt?" He double checked, but from the amount of wetness suddenly slipping down his palm he imagined it didn't.

"Nope. Hurt is not happening." She sounded dazed and her eyes were having trouble focusing, brain was having trouble remembering what she was supposed to do. _So just do what you want?_

 _Let_ _'_ _s try that._

* * *

They hadn't meant to. He knew they'd planned for more, he was supposed to get her off in the fullest sense of the word, do what Soldier Boy was neglecting to do, which meant fucking her. His mouth had satisfied her. His hands and mouth combined were doing it now, for the second time.

He was supposed to be able to last. He was sure he would've lasted hours with her, for her.

He had't counted on her deciding he was a popsicle and she was starving. Her hand clamped around his base, her mouth clamped around his tip, and the girl created some sort of sliding paradise, mouth and hand in rhythm, leaving no part of him uncovered in heat for more than a second. Just as he thought he might get a respite from the hot, wet suction of her mouth, the tightly curled fist would pump and pound on him while she took a breath, sweeping her saliva over him, reminding him that her pussy must be a thousand times hotter and wetter when wrapped around his cock.

He thought it was her third orgasm that made her lose control, screaming around him, the vibrations in her hips and her lips having the same effect on him. Undoing him, making him lose control.

"Ohh, oh fuck, bloody _fuck_!" He roared. He vamped quickly and reverted as he emptied in her hand and her mouth, head bowed to rest on her sweet sticky curls as the room seemed to turn black, his eyes closing in the aftershock.

* * *

They were both panting, even this creature who claimed no need to breathe. "Sorry, Luv. Sorry. I really am." He was gasping, leaving soft little kisses all over as he gently stroked her thick wetness over her clit and massaged, working on giving her a low-key fourth. "I was sure I could last longer. I don't know… You have one hell of a mouth. It's not all my fault."

 _I was that good. And I feel so good._ She absently wiped her lips on her hand and then her hand on the comforter. "Don't be sorry. No sorry. So faaaar from sorry." Her head lolled back. "Your ceiling is swirly."

"I think that's the orgasms talking."

"Better have one more to be sure."

"Gimme three to five minutes and I'll give you a proper one." He promised.

"Proper one? What, those weren't good enough?"

"Those were good if you liked 'em, Slayer, just thought I could oblige you a little better if you let me try it full on."

"Full on?" Her voice was drifty.

"My cock in your pussy." He said bluntly, but he was waiting to laugh. "You're adorable when you're taken care of." _Maybe all this time I knew her, all she needed was good shagging on a steady basis._

"Mmhmm. Told you. Not a bitch." She sighed.

"Not all the time." He let his fingers continue to play, imagining her wet silk sliding over his stiffness, hoping it would have a quick revival at the thought.

"Sweet person to the people I like."

"So you like me now?"

"Right now? Yes. Definitely." She sobered, tried to sit up.

"Wait!" He protested. "I could get you one more, if you'd bloody hold still."

"I wasn't- I mean, I know I just totally did, use you. For- sex," the last word came out guiltily, semi-horrified, "but I meant I liked you right now for other things too. Other _reasons._ Like you listened and you wanted to help, and you - you tried."

"Aww, Slayer. Gonna make me blush." He abandoned the task at hand. "Don't come over all soppy on me, right? Anything you used me for, I did too." They were both sitting up now, sated looking and yet still sort of - hungry. His shoulder leaned easily to hers, his lips brushed her ear. "I didn't mind listenin'. Anytime anyone talks trash on White Bread, it's a good time for me."

She shouldn't laugh, but a sad little chuckle escaped. "I wasn't even trying to talk bad about him. Just so… frustrated? Confused? Feeling like this baby made things more and less clear all at once." She closed her eyes. _What I just did with Spike totally didn_ _'_ _t make it any easier._

"Talking trash was the wrong word, Pet. You were just being honest." He gave her a thoughtful look. "Huh. When honest words sound like trash- time to do some cleaning out, in my opinion."

"I didn't ask for your opinion." She reminded him with a small edge in her voice.

"Nope. I'm evil. I give free, unwanted advice. It annoys people." Yet that made her laugh. _Wow. Just keep this one well-fucked and she_ _'_ _s a lot more pleasant._

 _Spike_ _'_ _s funnier when he_ _'_ _s relaxing and not busy plotting._ Buffy let her head slump to his shoulder as well with a happy sigh. Then she bolted up, knocking him back as she seemed to shoot from the bed.

"Riley! Willow's probably called him already, it's gotta be after one. Is it after one? Why don't you have a clock in here!?"

"Slow down! And I don't know, I guess my social calendar's pretty light on the deadlines! What the hell- whoa! Whoa, Slayer, steady!" As she went zooming down to the floor to retrieve her panties, then soared back up, she lost her balance and started to collapse. "Slayer!" Spike caught her around the waist, no masking the alarm in his voice.

"I'm fine! You can get light headed. Pregnancy goody. When you stand too fast, or change from sitting to standing. Giles is working with me on it." She pushed gently from his arms, and started trying to dress. "It hasn't happened too much, doesn't happen when I slay either."

"Probably just from lyin' down. All the blood rushing to the juicy bits, instead of your brain." He tried to sound casual again as he also began pulling on his clothes. "I can tell you even without the clock that you're right Slayer, it must be after one. I lost track of time." _Sweet, wet little paradise. That mouth. Where did she learn to do that, I thought she was one of those prissy little_ _"_ _good girls_ _"_ _? Did she try that on Broad Shoulders_ _'_ _n_ _'_ _Brainless? Must be numb from the waist down if he didn_ _'_ _t go for that._

"Yeah, well, I can't blame you." Buffy's heavy sigh interrupted his lustful thoughts. Just as well, or he wouldn't be able to zip up his jeans.

"Well, that's a first." Spike mumbled. "You don't blame me?"

"No! I didn't think about the time when you were… doing that. It was so good, you could have done that all night and I wouldn't have noticed any time passed at all."

Spike paused, gratified. She unreservedly praised him and his ego purred. "Mm, you give as good as you get, Baby."

Her heart did a little flutter. "I do?" _Why does his voice have to get all seductive-y?_ She felt her already wet nether regions start to drip again.

"Are you kidding?" He stared at her. "Did you try that on what's his name? If you want him to sit up and take notice, just do that! God, you could have any bloke bowing down to you if you do that." He finished with a frustrated noise and a glare at the place where his belt would no longer buckle without hurting something rather important and currently protruding. "Dammit. Told you I only needed a few minutes and I'd be ready again."

"You want to? Again?"

"I'm starting to wonder if you're not as smart as I thought. I don't know if I feel better or worse that you beat me so many times now." He frowned.

"Spike!"

"Yes, of course I do!" He looked away. She was good. And it was nice to take some pleasure with someone, not do the needful on his own. The heat and that level of raw wetness were new experiences as well. But he wasn't interested in another go only for her mouth. This wasn't about servicing each other as much as about- getting what you need through those acts, no matter what the Slayer thought. "Don't mean you have to do what you _just_ did. I'm up for other things."

"Clearly." She was staring at the very obvious "up" in front of his half-done black jeans. _We_ _'_ _re wasting time. We need to move. I need to get back to the dorm_ _…_ "I'm late. He's going to be out here looking for me if I don't hurry."

"Right." Spike nodded, trying not to feel too disappointed. "I'm gonna walk you over."

"You don't have to."

"If I watched your back on your patrol, I can watch it until you get home. Still night on the Hellmouth, and it's the start of the fall season, also known as stupid college kids and hungry, lazy vamp season." She was giving him a cold, hard stare. "Forget it. I know you don't need the help, Slayer." _Just wasn_ _'_ _t ready to stop seein_ _'_ _you yet. Don_ _'_ _t know why._

"You get that." She murmured, sliding her shoes on.

"Unlike you, not stupid." He huffed.

"I'm not stupid. I just kind of forgot some people still see me like I actually am. It's hard when Riley doesn't, and sometimes his attitude sorta 'spreads'." She gave him a sidelong glance, moving towards the ladder. "I figured it was because you didn't know about the baby. But you do now, and you still- treat me like you always have. Maybe a little nicer, but that's okay. And with more- sex stuff." _Which is also okay_. _Weirdly, extremely okay._

He shrugged. "I've seen what you can do. For a lot longer than he has. Maybe if he paid more attention he wouldn't sound like such an idiot." He followed her up the ladder. "Don't glare at me or anything, I'm not walking you to the door, or anything else that'll raise your hackles. I'm still wound up and I don't want to sleep, so no point staying in bed without you."

 _That sounded a bit off._

 _That sounded_ _…_ She didn't have words. Just feelings about the sound of that last phrase. Wet, tingly, "I want more" feelings.

"Do you want to walk back with me?" Buffy suddenly asked.

"Are you schizo? Didn't you just tell me _not_ to do that?" Spike snarled.

"I don't want you to walk me home to 'protect me'. But if you wanted to walk back…and Willow and Tara go back to Tara's room, 'cause that's what they typically do, and Riley hasn't been called yet…" _Take the hint. I_ _'_ _m not good at this_.

"Want some company?" One eyebrow slid higher on his forehead.

"I…" She hesitated. _You_ _'_ _re getting in deeper if you say you do._

"I do." He was more confident, had less to lose.

"Me, too." She admitted in a rush. She turned to face him as she finished pushing off the top rung and smoothly pulled herself through to the upper level. He was just coming through the trap door behind her, head and shoulders emerging, eyes dark and sparkling. He looked up at her with a crooked smile that radiated snark and sex.

"Let's show off some of that Slayer speed, yeah? The faster we're back at your place, the faster we can start round two."

"Sounds good." He made her breathless as she looked down at him. When he suddenly sprang through, he was chest to chest with her, way too close to think clearly.

She blamed the sudden, explosive kiss on that.

* * *

 _To be continued…_


	3. Chapter 3

**Ready**

 **by Sweetprincipale**

 _AU early season 5. Riley and Buffy are still together and something big happened over the summer- a little bundle of joy is on the way. Buffy is not so joyful about how Riley is now treating her. She's ready to be seen as the Slayer and woman she still is, and Spike doesn't object to lending a hand (or other parts)._

 _Author's Note: Joyce is around and healthy, but Dawn has not entered, nor Glory. Probably because if this were a show, the entire season would be devoted to this story arc, not the Glory one._

 _Author's Second Note: There is smuttiness here, including, but not focusing on, one partner being pregnant during the smut. If this offends thee, read not the piece :) There is wordy- interrupted smut in this chapter. This is because we have two characters who not only are capable of intense passion, but also have a long history, a lot of which surrounds broken relationships and uncomfortable truces_ _._ _There's a comfort level they are still finding, and I hope you don't mind them getting there. ( Of course you don't. You love Spuffy.)_

 _Dedicated to: Ginar369,_ _AGriffinWriter_ _, writerdragonfly, Illusera,_ _omslagspapper_ _, jhiz, The Three March Hares, nrdhrd3, stuff'n'nnonsense, Lippy Cus,_ _Jackiemack916_ _,_ _elacartier_ _,_ _Caskett93_ _,_ _Cloongarvin_ _,_ _midnightjen_ _, rofan1976, and TieDyeJackson._

 _Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._

 **Part III**

"I'm here, I'm here, don't wig, I know I'm late but I- " Buffy flew through her dorm door, interrupting Willow and Tara in mid lip lock." "Oh. Oops."

"It's okay. We were just - um- waiting up for you." Willow explained easily while Tara blushed and smiled at her feet.

"Glad you were busy." She smiled. _And maybe you didn_ _'_ _t even realize I was late. Nice going, Buffy._

"Wow, you seem a lot happier!" Willow grinned in relief. "Tangle with something really challenging?"

 _I guess we can call Spike that._ "Plenty of vamps. Good workout. So… I'm kinda late, but all in one piece. You guys didn't call Riley, did you?"

"Uh. No. You seemed a little- tense- about him." Willow looked uncomfortable. "We were waiting another five minutes."

"We didn't mean to make you mad earlier." Tara apologized, looking contrite. "We were talking and- I think it's hard not to get wrapped up in 'baby fever'."

Buffy sighed, "Yeah. I know. Everyone's really focused on the baby." _Not me. I_ _'_ _m not jealous. I_ _'_ _m just not_ gone _, either, still part of this package_ _…_

"We're focused on you, too. Riley's kinda- I don't know what his deal is. Maybe he thinks he needs to be Super Daddy right now, and he wants us to look out for you when he can't."

"I'm the Slayer. I look out for the _world_ , guys."

"But we always look out for each other. We're friends." Willow frowned. "We'd do this for you if you were the Slayer or Joan Normal."

"I know. I know you would." _It_ _'_ _s Riley who_ _'_ _s acting like he_ _'_ _s never met me before._ "Do you think he thought Slayers couldn't get pregnant?" Buffy suddenly wondered out loud.

"Huh?" Both girls asked in unison.

"I was only wondering. Never mind." Buffy said hastily. She'd rather talk to Giles or Spike about that. Really rather talk to Riley, but every time he opened his mouth lately his conversation turned to her health, the baby's health, and possible wedding stuff.

"I thought he was handling it really well. I mean, unexpected pregnancies in college can make some guys run a mile. He's being uber supportive."

"Yes. He is. Very pregnancy oriented." Buffy felt the anger that had been orgasmed out suddenly starting to swell again. "Well, pregnant person here. Need rest." She said tersely, trying to plaster a smile on her face.

"Okay, and stay hydrated." Tara urged, reaching for her coat.

Buffy pointedly went and got a bottle of water from the mini-fridge of their dorm. "Wills, are you staying?"

"I can if you want." Willow assured.

"Nah, I'm feeling kind of like I could use some undisturbed time." She didn't say alone time, so it wasn't technically a lie.

"Got it. We'll let you sleep." Willow squeezed her friend's hand and began to grab her own things. "See you at the-"

Willow was cut off by the ringing of the phone.

"Three guesses." Buffy lost her smile and grabbed the receiver. "Hi Riley." She answered automatically.

"Hi Buffy. What are you doing up so late? It's almost two!" Riley's voice was accusatory and scolding, like he'd caught a teenager breaking curfew.

"If you didn't want me to be awake, why did you call?"

"We should go." Tara pushed Willow's elbow and whispered.

"I wanted to make sure you got home from your girls' night out. You didn't drink anything, did you?"

"An entire bottle of hard liquor, Riley." Buffy said sarcastically.

"Buffy, I'm serious. The occasional drink _probably_ won't hurt the baby, but I know you guys hang out at the Bronze a lot and-"

"Riley. I Don't. Drink. I never drank when we were dating, why would I start now?" _Maybe he knows he_ _'_ _s driving me to something_ _…_ _alcohol or sex with vampires. Given my history, he really should be more concerned about the vampires._

Willow waved and winced her way out the door with Tara in tow, but Buffy didn't seem to see them, eyes locked on something on the floor, but looking inside herself. As they shut the door after them they could hear Buffy's voice starting to crack angrily.

* * *

"Did you catch that?" Tara whispered worriedly as they walked down the corridor.

"What?"

"She said 'when we were dating'. That makes it sound like she and Riley aren't dating now."

"Oh. But- he's being so sweet about everything."

"Everything? Or just the baby?"

"Isn't that what he should be worried about?"

"More than the mother of that baby? How he's making her feel?" Tara could read auras, but she needed to focus to see them in most cases. Buffy's was screaming at her- angry and sad, bold colors that were blinding, assaulting her inner eye.

Willow's face clouded. "No, of course the baby isn't the only thing that he should be- Uh-oh."

"Yeah. Uh-oh."

* * *

"Do you want me to come over?" Riley finally gave a trying-to-be-patient sigh and offered.

"You want to spend the night?" Buffy replied, shocked sounding.

"Of course I do!" His voice was warm, a hint of exasperated laughter underneath.

She was tempted to say no. Her actions with Spike had been the breaking point, it meant she had broken things. Or, things were already broken and she really made it clear to herself in a way she couldn't put off dealing with any longer.

But… _Give him one more chance. Maybe he had his own breaking point, and it_ _'_ _s time to start putting things back together._ "Let me get a shower and then I can put on that new nightie I showed you. The pink one?"

"You don't need to dress up for me, Sweetie." Another patient laugh. "Is Willow there?"

"Nope, she and Tara just left." Her insides gave a nervous flutter. _We_ _'_ _re going to try again. I can make this better. He_ _'_ _s trying to make this better. We need us time, we_ _'_ _ll find us time and we_ _'_ _ll-_

"Do you think she'll mind if I use her bed?"

"What?" Buffy's voice was flat. His words seemed to suddenly squash all the emotions out of her.

"I don't want to squish you and the little guy. Those dorm beds are so narrow."

"Uh- yeah. They are. Why don't you just stay where you are and go back to sleep? I'm going to bed. I don't need you to come over just to watch me sleep."

"Are you sure? I don't mind."

I _mind. You_ _'_ _re my boyfriend. You_ _'_ _re not supposed to just watch over me as I lay in bed, you_ _'_ _re supposed to get in it with me. Hug me. Touch me. Make love._ Her eyes were suddenly very full and her throat was too tight. "That's okay. Talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay. Night, Buffy. Give Jr. a belly rub for me."

"I will." She whispered and hung up.

Then sat down, feelings suddenly unflattened, confusion surging up and overwhelming her.

* * *

 _Tap tap. Tap tap tap._

Buffy's head jerked up. "It's safe." She called in a whisper.

Spike bustled in on silent feet, a swish of leather and husky whispers. "Waited for ten minutes after I saw the wiccas go, didn't want to risk one of them coming back up 'cause they forgot something." He shrugged out of his coat, locked the door and then faced her. "Oh." She looked like she'd been hit with a brick, sitting in a half-slump, frowning, pained but somehow vacant eyes. "Cardboard was here?" He guessed, knowing very few things ever got this Slayer down, and the ones that did were usually male and supposed to love her.

"On the phone." She whispered. "He offered to come over."

"Ah." He began pulling the coat back on. "Wised up, has he?"

"Nope. I don't even get to offer the four star blow job, Spike." She answered with a bitter note in her voice. "I don't think he'd take me up on it anyway. I'm pretty sure he thinks pregnant equals lack of all sexual activity and interest. If not for the moms, for the dads."

"Then he's an idiot, as I b'lieve I mentioned earlier." He sank down beside her, shedding his coat for the second time. "He doesn't realize that you're every bit as beautiful and powerful as you were before. No one in their right mind would give you up, just 'cause you're carrying his child." He paused. "Think it's pretty special, actually. But don't tell anyone I said it."

"That was sweet. Really sweet." Buffy let her fingers brush his as their knees bumped, sitting side by side but not looking at each other. "You make me feel better, and I don't even know why. Not just in the pelvic way."

"I was only after the honey pot, Slayer. Anything else- that's just extra." He quickly clarified. "But… don't mean it isn't true."

"I must be messed up." Buffy rested her head on her crossed wrists. "I'd rather hear crappy semi-insults from you than listen to him right now."

"Prolly 'cause I'm talking to _you_. I don't know who the hell he thinks you are but he's obviously wrong."

"How do you know?" Buffy's eyes were beginning to focus, the dullness fading.

"You wouldn't be so soddin' miserable otherwise." He shrugged.

"I think I like being angry better than miserable." She sniffed in softly.

"I like you angry better, too." He hesitated for a minute, then gave her a hard shove, in the shoulder. His chip fired and he fell back with a curse, as she rocked sideways but didn't topple, with a mildly irritated "Ow!".

"Why'd you do that?" Buffy spat.

"To get you riled." He groaned. "I don't know if it was worth it." He wincingly opened his eyes to find her hovering over him, scowl on her face. "I knew I wouldn't hurt you much, wouldn't hurt the little one at all." He quickly appeased.

"I know." She glared. Then fell on him with a hard, hot kiss.

Spike panted when he got possession of his lips back, staring up at her hazily. "It was worth it."

"Shut up. Ready for round two." She gasped and fell on top of him again.

* * *

Clothes were shed quickly this time. "Got hours." Spike stripped shirts up and jeans down with lighting speed anyway. "Better make the most of it."

"Yeah. I - I don't have class until ten."

"Daylight's well before that."

"That's why you have the big coat." She let him scoot onto her bed and followed him easily, body tingling with electricity, electricity that actually seemed to sparkle on her skin when his hands found her hips and began to pull their bodies together in a kneeling embrace. Hands sliding up and down, mouths starting to connect, hands- _He_ _'_ _s all rock again._ His fingers were parting her, just the outside folds, no penetration.

 _She_ _'_ _s wet velvet. She_ _'_ _s so bloody beautiful._ He didn't mean to think that last part. Didn't mean to say it aloud either.

"Thank you." She swallowed.

"I don't mind a quick run in the sunshine to the nearest tunnel if you want some overtime, Slayer." He decided.

"Only if you want to."

He pulled back and shook his head. "Do you have to ask?"

"Sadly, yeah." She frowned. "Shouldn't we be more disgusted? Mortal enemies don't usually have sex."

"Mortal enemies aren't usually worth havin' sex with." He pointed out. "I've seen what you kill. Damn nasty, most of it."

He made her laugh. Made her relax, lay her head on his shoulder and gave in easily when his hands cupped her cheeks and brought them together, grinding, forgetting to talk, just kissing feverishly.

"Not too hard." Buffy whispered as her knees began to slide, and he slid with her, bringing them into a lying position, currently face to face on their sides. "And if you feel anything hard, stop."

"I'm not- that's not the baby, the hard bit, is it?" He asked, trying not to look alarmed. She shook her head. "But it'll hurt it?"

"I don't think so. I just… I don't want to risk anything." _Risk anything? I_ _'_ _m risking_ everything _. I_ _'_ _m_ ruining _everything._

 _Why don_ _'_ _t I feel more guilty? Why don_ _'_ _t I think this is so wrong?_

"Could you sorta help a fellow out? Tell me where to stop before I do any damage? I don't need to get zapped." He tapped his head and tried to joke, but there was some genuine concern in his eyes. "You might do better on top."

 _Riley hated when I was on top._ She didn't know why that suddenly came into her head. It wasn't like they hadn't been doing it that way. Her subconscious stabbed at her. _He does it, but he always wants to get back on top._ He was always trying to bring her down flat, or to his chest if she was riding him.

 _I wasn_ _'_ _t hurting him. I was so careful. Maybe he didn_ _'_ _t like it because I_ had _to be careful. I wasn_ _'_ _t thinking about him, too busy thinking about how to do everything just right. The way he liked it. Did he stop caring about what I liked?_ Her eyes were getting all flooded again.

Spike watched her face take on a serious look, and then the eyes start to tear. "Oh for shit's sake, Slayer! C'mon, that's not supposed to make you cry! Be on the bottom! Be on your fucking back, your head, stomach, just tell me!"

"You won't try to pull me off." She whispered.

"No, _get_ you off, you daft thing. Get your terms right."

"Riley… lately- well, lately as in like while we were still doing it, I might start on the top, but then he'd always want me to be on the bottom. I don't know why I… I just realized it. Feeling stupid again, okay? Because we've been dating for almost a year and I just now got it. And I don't know what I was doing wrong." She stopped, helplessly.

"Why's it have to be your fault? Maybe he just couldn't get comfy with it. Power trip for some guys. Don't like women on top. Emasculates."

 _I guess when you can free throw your boyfriend, who_ _'_ _s a strapping commando, that might make him feel sort of unmanly._ "What about you?"

"Any way you want, the more ways the better. I _know_ I'm masculine. Got proof." He jerked his head down to the obvious maleness.

"I think I hurt him once, accidentally, and then he- he didn't want me there anymore, but he never said it. He just went along with it." Her eyebrows creased as if she'd had a sudden twinge of headache. _He could have told me. God knows I didn_ _'_ _t like worrying about being careful all the time. Feeling like some kind of she-hulk or something_

"An' I'm guessin' you just went along with whatever he said." Spike pointed out with his unsettling, smug accuracy. "You two aren't big talkers, are you?"

"We are!" Buffy returned hotly. "Maybe we never realized we had to talk about this stuff."

"You want my opinion-"

"I don't."

"Too bad. If you need to talk the fun stuff to death- the natural stuff that should come easy as blinking, somethin' like making love- somethin' is wrong."

That rankled even though she'd just had the same thoughts, that he'd never said, that she'd never realized, basically the same thing Spike just figured out in a couple minutes. Hurt made her hurt back. "So you and Drusilla talked about her wanting to sleep with Chaos demons?" Buffy said nastily.

Spike closed his mouth. _Chit_ _'_ _s got a point._

 _And now he_ _'_ _s not talking to me either! I can_ _'_ _t keep screwing up!_ "I'm sorry. I'm no better than her. This is the same thing." Buffy rolled onto her back, hands in her hair. "I'm cheating on my boyfriend. Father of my baby." She let out a tiny, pained whimper.

Easy as it would be to throw it in her face, toss the ball of hurt back at her one more time, he didn't. "You sure he's still your boyfriend? No arguin' with the other one, but- the guy you talked about all night doesn't sound much like a boyfriend, or any sort of friend, really."

"That doesn't matter. We were still together. Are."

"Sounds like you separated a few weeks ago, but it was another one of those things you didn't 'talk' about."

Silence. Thoughts whirring, truths, ugly and obvious, smacking her in the face. Right before she smacked him on the arm. Hard.

"Oi!" He bolted up in bed. "We can trade tongue lashin' all you want, but you can't have it rough until you've popped out the sprog, Luv. After that, come see me." Spike glared and rubbed his shoulder angrily.

"I don't want it rough!" She hissed, cheeks flaming.

"Then you need to work on your signals!" He growled.

"That wasn't for sex that was for… being smarter than me. About this stuff. This _once_." She held up a warning finger. "Just once."

"Once this hour." He snorted, and another slap came his way, lighter, more weary. "I watch people- more now that I can't hurt 'em, just 'hunt' 'em." He said. "Of _course_ I pick up on things you don't. An' I've had a lot longer in bad relationships than you, Slayer. You really want to win that prize?"

"No. Guess not."

Another moment of silence, this one filled with tension and angry shuffling as they sorted things out in their minds. At first, they didn't even look at each other, but once they did, the anger and the tension seemed to fade. It was just part of being together, around each other, always had been. They exchanged a crooked smile. Buffy's turned thoughtful.

"Hey- how come you talk during sex?"

"Did I? Had my mouth mostly occupied last time I thought." He looked surprised.

"No, I mean now. You came over so we could 'finish' things." She gestured to their naked bodies, side by side on her bed, still there despite all the side conversation and bickering. "We started finishing, but we got distracted. With the talking."

"I'm lost. What's the problem? You want me to put something in your mouth to keep you quiet?" His voice dropped, sexually sinister, but not threatening. "We can try that. Or if you want to keep me quiet, not like you haven't gagged me and tied me up before."

Her skin went all hot, and her stomach coiled. "I didn't mean like that." Buffy practically stuttered.

"Easy, Pet, I'm only trying to get you to lose that stressed out look."

"Because stress isn't good for the baby, I know." She groaned.

"No, because you're more fun when you're not all weepy and tense!" He snarled. "Look, sorry I interrupted. What's the deal? You don't like talking during? I won't talk. Much."

"No, I like talking! I like that we can take breaks and talk. Riley- not a big talker. If I wanted to tell him something I had to wait until we were done because he said conversations ruined the moment. Parker didn't say anything- he used up all his lines getting me and getting rid of me. Angel- Angel just wasn't huge on talking no matter what."

"That's the souled one. Angelus wouldn't bloody shut up." Spike laughed bitterly. "Think I just discovered something I like about the Poof."

"Yeah, well, whatever." She blew that remark off, trying not think about her first love. "You don't mind?"

"I like to talk. Always liked words." He shrugged. "B'lieve you've mentioned before that I can't seem to stop. You've got the same problem, at least around me."

 _That_ _'_ _s true. Spike and I talk. Banter. Snark. It doesn_ _'_ _t stop until threats happen. With Riley- talking_ _'_ _s always been a problem. Talking and- hey._ "You listen, too."

"Ha. Only to certain people, in certain positions."

"For the sex."

"That's right, Cutie Pie." He watched her nod gravely, as if this were some big equation she was trying to solve, taking all the pieces so seriously, trying to make them make sense. "Buffy. I'm jokin'. I talk to you, listen to you, 'cause you're one of the few people I don't…. hate. Completely. Not one hundred percent of the time anyway. One of the few people I have some kinda respect for. You never should underestimate your enemies. I never made that mistake with you."

 _But I sure did underestimate him._ Buffy leaned towards him, slowly kissed him. A non-sexual kiss. A "thank you, I feel better" kiss.

Spike's insides did an uncomfortable, but not unhappy, writhe. He was better when this had been about a quick, frustration removing shag. If they hadn't talked, this would all be easier.

 _It_ _'s not hard. Still just a shag._

 _But now I feel like_ _… I'm involved. I'm gonna be wondering how it all plays out. If she stays with that twit, I'm always gonna know it's not the happy picture they show the rest. I knew that from the start, though._

 _And I_ _'ll never have her again._

He kissed her back in a way that surprised both of them. Urgent and demanding.

"Spike." Buffy gasped as his lips moved from hers to her neck.

"You can still talk. Can we just… wanna do this with you, if you want to with me." He told her with quick, cutting honesty, not leaving himself any defenses.

"Mmhmm." She moved back into arms, tighter against his chest. "Thank you for-"

"Please don't thank me." He shook his head. _Listen to us. Please. Thank you. What the fuck happened?_ "I didn't do it so you'd thank me."

"Okay." She nodded, and pressed close to him, feeling him come back to full hardness as she started to feel herself making more wetness. He'd stayed partially hard, she'd stayed wet during the entire conversation, but now things were beginning to pick up speed. _Getting us ready._

"Want any help?" He pulled up from kissing her soft, sensitive breast with a meaningful flicker of his tongue.

 _Like anyone with nerve endings would refuse that._ "S-sure. I can 'help' too, if you want."

"No." He said quickly, and was stung by the instant hurt in her eyes, the way she seemed to shrivel away from him. _If I ever get the chip out, I_ _'_ _m gonna beat that boy. Made her a coward in her own bed, her own body._ "You made me let loose too damn quick last time. I need to last." He winked. "Vampire rep, you know. Gotta beat the human stamina." Her smile came back, and the hurt left. "Wouldn't say no to it after I've 'proven myself'."

"Sounds good." _Wait. What?_

 _Really now?_ "I like this side of you, Slayer." He gripped her waist, preparing to scoot her up over his hips, and paused. Hands stroked up to ribs and down to rear.

"What?"

"Different." He murmured. Something different in this region, not as taut or muscular as he thought she'd be, and he admitted in his mind that he stared at her way too much in her skin tight clothes and skimpy dresses, the crop tops and cut below the waist jeans. He did it to be aware of his enemy, he told himself. But really- she was also just good to look at. And the things that she'd said to him, gotten all pressed up close to him- when she was his fiancée under a spell, when Faith was borrowing her body and trying to mock him in the bar… "I guess I remember this bein' tighter. I've punched your gut enough times, Slayer."

"Things _are_ different." She self-consciously ran her hands down the front as he ran down the sides. Without asking, his hands moved there too, and she bit back a startled noise.

Spike didn't say anything. Just seemed to be staring hard, concentrating on feeling. He waited for her to push his hands off, but she didn't. "You move yourself on, Luv." He finally said in a cracked sounding whisper. "Don't want to pull you by the - don't want to pull on you."

"The hips are okay. All of me is okay."

"All right." Another whisper, hands moving to her hips, lifting, settling. His fingers came down between her legs quickly, rubbing her opening, then rubbing his tip to her wetness. He wanted to tell her to take it easy, but that was the wrong word. "It's about how you use it, Luv. Not how _hard_ you use it."

"Smart vamp." She breathed out shakily, and quivered as his tip pressed to her clit and they rubbed. Her hands joining his fist, and hips beginning to purposefully circle, rubbing him all through her outer edges without going in.

He moaned, long and low. "Humans are so much softer. Wetter. Hotter. God, I love this."

"I haven't even put you in." She reminded him with a little smirk of her own.

"I'm hopin' that changes soon." He let go of his member, let himself be given over into her hands.

Her hands left, went up to his chest, and leaned. With Riley she had to watch how much pressure she put on, never could forget her own strength. With Spike, she leaned as fully as she wanted, and he didn't even blink, didn't even twitch, just stared at her with his mouth slightly open, eyes beyond eager. Her knees came down alongside his hips, and she wriggled back, then down, taking him about halfway in.

He let out a loud, throughly animalistic moan, one she knew her neighbors up and down the hall could hear.

 _Good, maybe they won_ _'_ _t hear_ me _._ Because she was loud. Gasping, half-screeching instantly. _Oh man. Needed that._

"Oh bloody fuck, Slayer. You sure it's not a virgin birth?" Spike cried through gritted teeth. _Never knew anything could be this tight. An_ _'_ _I_ _'_ _ve been in some tight places_ _…_

 _Never knew anything could feel so huge. But not painful. Not painful at all_. "Just puffy inside." She reminded him, trying to think clearly. There was no thinking clearly. There was just arching over him, trying to keep him in without keeping him in too far. "It's been awhile…"

"Me too. If I cum too quick, give me another chance, all right?"

"Okay, deal. Riley sometimes did, really quick after we-"

"No, no. Don't compare me to that git. He doesn't have my excuse. Vamps don't get to have this kinda heat on a daily basis- and ohhhh, fuck- nothin' that pulses. I can feel your blood pounding in your pussy, Luv, did you know that?"

She squeezed down experimentally and he cursed again, loud and heatedly, sheets balling up in his hands. "Gonna burst me." He told her accusatorially.

"Sorry!"

"Don't you ever apologize for somethin' like this." He laughed softly, incredulously. "Amazing…" His hands wonderingly traveled down her back. "Skin like satin. Warm silk."

No one ever said things like that to her. _Maybe Spike really_ is _observant._ She experimentally rocked and set off a fresh wave of groaning.

Her hips swiveled and his jumped.

"Careful!" She yelped, though nothing had hurt.

"Hard to keep still." He nodded anyway, and willed his hips to remain flat. "You find the depth level, then I'll move with you."

"Right." _Find out how deep before it hits anything I worry about._ She sank down, farther, farther, and stopped just a bit above the base. "There."

"That's plenty, right, Luv?"

"So much." Buffy whispered, eyes closing, pleasure consuming her. Just being full… Squeezing on something. Something so hard. "I missed this."

"Me, too." He gripped the nape of her neck, pulling her forward. Her eyes fluttered open. "Not pulling you off. Pulling you closer. Give me some room to give it to you properly."

She nodded, unspeaking, yet yielding, letting him bring her down, chest to his chest. His hands kneaded her back, then would take a turn up front, little massages on her aching breasts, a tease on her nipples that would make her gasp. All the while, down below, his hips started a rhythm that she instantly knew how to dance to.

He moved up, she sank, sticking them together with a sweet, slippery hitch in the middle. Deep but not too deep. "I can feel something with you." Buffy told his shoulder.

"It's the way we're made, Slayer. No effort required. This is natural." So unnatural, to look up and see her beautiful blonde waves falling over his shoulder, know they were partially hiding a face he had punched and violently obsessed over seeing in its final repose- and now recoiled at such thoughts. He rubbed her back again, eyes closed, feeling her sink and rise on him.

He pushed in firmly and sank back down, steady and not too fast. But to feel something before, to get to the rarely full orgasms she'd had with Riley, it had to be fast. It had to be full concentration and tightly gripped, and- yeah. _Latex ripped one of the last times. Maybe that_ _'_ _s why he didn_ _'_ _t want to anymore. Why is it easy with Spike? You can_ _'_ _t call being with a soulless vampire natural, because it isn_ _'_ _t._

 _Not like we_ _'_ _re reaching the big O right now either. Maybe it will have to be harder. But this feels nice._ She stifled a whimper, the good kind. _Nice is a big, fat understatement._

"All warmed up now?" He murmured in the dark.

 _Warmed up for what, exactly? Doesn_ _'_ _t matter._ "Yep."

"Wanna take it a bit faster, or you like the slow burn?" Spike was sitting her up by degrees, his hands stroking her shoulders, making her raise her head to look at him. He could see the uncertainty on her face. "Faster, not harder."

"Can you do one without the other?"

"Think so. Gimme a try."

She did, sitting up more, knees planting in the mattress, giving her hips a slow, single gyration to get comfortable.

"Christ…" Spike bit his lip.

"What?"

"The thing- with your hips. Should do more of that."

She laughed. "I'll remember." _But for now- faster._ Sitting up made it easier to just sort of bounce on him, not even moving in and out much, just sort of riding the same piece of him, a filled up pussy with a shallow stroke.

"Oh God." _Stroking right on a very good place_. "Oh, Spike, _God_!" Her eyes widened in surprise.

"I can tell that's the sweet spot. Just got so much wetter, Luv." He reached out and gripped her upper thighs, then let one hand slide between to assist, flickering over her clit. "Love this position." He made a sound like a satisfied exhale. "Watchin' you bounce…" His eyes fastened on her breasts. "Never thought you'd bounce like that."

"You think about whether or not I bounce?" She inquired with a pant.

"No! Tonight, maybe I did."

Nodding, too breathless to speak, getting a little faster, a little harder, but not deeper. Didn't need deeper, both of them quietly moaning their satisfaction or hissing it out.

 _I remember him- hard, when I sat on his lap. And when Giles was in the kitchen, and Xander and Anya weren_ _'_ _t there- kissing him, his hand feeling through my shirt._ No one had ever done that to her. She and Angel never went farther than kissing until they made love, and after, they tried not to spark anything they couldn't finish. Riley was the same, kissing led to foreplay led to sex. Spike knew they weren't going to sneak off and have a quickie. He touched to touch. His hands were possessive, but not controlling, if that made sense. Like they were now.

"I did- one time." Spike groped, kneading and pulling, thumbs roughly grazing over nipples, watching her head toss back, letting him see all that beautiful honeyed throat.

"One what?"

"Thought these were the perfect handfuls, Luv, but maybe not enough to bounce. Jus' jump a bit. No offense. Remember, my ladylove was nothing curvy." He had learned women get touchy about the size of their assets, so he made sure he was clearly complimentary. "Remember feelin' 'em against me when we were snogging in your Watcher's flat. You remember?"

 _I was just thinking about it. Spooky?_ "Uh-huh. But you like the bounce?"

"I like everything." He sat up slowly, his spine showing its excellent control as he didn't budge her or even use his hands for support. He brought his mouth to her breast and latched on the left, then the right, feeling answering spasms from below.

"Ohhh- oh my God. Spike, stop, it's making me twitch."

"That's good, Pet."

"No, that's like a twinge. Where the baby is." Buffy eased back and shook her head at his suddenly worried, even contrite, expression. "What do you like to say? No worries?"

"Don't try, Slayer." He laughed and patted her rump. "Not my fault you're tempting."

"Then stay down." She playfully pushed his shoulders down, and her pussy fluttered as he purred under her touch. Pushing more made the purr a sensual growl. "I'm not hurting you?"

"No." He was getting extremely fond of watching her over top of him, actually. Enjoying a little struggle, too, as he took a nip at her wrist and sat halfway back up, licking her throat, not her breast, making her give a sudden twitch.

"Stop that!"

"Make me!"

"I can!"

"I know, Baby." A wicked smile in her direction.

* * *

Sex wasn't like this. Fun. Laughing softly, cursing loudly, cumming hard and then, instead of the afterglow and fading to sleep, there was just- more sex.

"My turn." He rubbed her back as she shuddered herself down from her peak.

"Yeah, of course. Go." She tried to clamp her spasming muscles down to encourage his release."

"Ahhh- ah, wait." It was tempting. "Me on top, I meant." He watched her face take on a cautious cast. "Promise I'll keep all my weight off you. Can hold myself above you for as long as you want, an' if I can't, we can switch. What'd you fancy more, side by side, or hands and knees?"

 _Brain doesn_ _'_ _t work. There_ _'_ _s just Spike and sex. Anything is good._ "You can be on top."

"Not sore, right?"

"Hell no." She had to giggle. Sore was from too big, too hard, too fast, not wet enough. She was soaked, he was the perfect size- which was not too big, but more than big enough, and he wasn't trying to prove anything. Nothing hurt. This was the worst reason for the best sex ever.

"Can put a pillow under your hips and use the edge." He gestured to the side of the bed.

"Huh?"

"Me standin'. Fuckin' you nice and steady and deep, not too deep, while you're on your back. Could be on your chest too, but probably not ideal for the mum-to-be. All you do is make sure I can reach the entrance and keep your legs out of the way."

 _Just being pleasured. With that awesome thing called Spike_ _'_ _s cock, instead of his mouth._ Before she nodded, she felt herself blushing. "Maybe later."

"Just let me know. For now then?" She had rolled off, and he gestured for her to lie back.

"Mmhm." She woozily rolled to her back, scooted to the center, and stopped as he bent his head to hers, another mind-melting kiss. "Why?"

"Kissing?"

"You don't have to."

"Why shouldn't I want to?" He did it again.

"I want you to, I didn't know if you would." She admitted dazedly.

 _She wants me to._ His smile shone in the dark. "It's good, Luv. All of this is bloody fantastic. Enjoy every part."

* * *

Focusing on every part. She'd thought he'd slip right into her. Instead he slipped down her, head between her legs until she bucked and told him to get back up there. His tongue hadn't just danced over the surface, went in, went down, places Riley never dared to go, places that made her shiver.

And for a cold, undead thing, he was so good at warming her up. He easily entered her, arms extended, chest hard and high above hers, cock snug inside without pushing too far in. "Good?" He purred.

"Lost good awhile ago." She replied with a satisfied smile. "Good is for amateurs."

"I'm not exactly a professional, but I'll take the compliment."

"More like an expert."

"Slayer, you're complimentin' me. A lot." Spike warned her with a shake of his head, a lustful grin on his face. In answer, she slid her hands up his arms, squeezing into his biceps while her hips rose and squeezed him deeper in, milking him. His eyes rolled back with a deep, reverberating groan.

"It's even. I've been getting a lot of compliments like that from you." She lazily rolled her pelvis to his.

"Easy now." He felt himself slide deeper, treated to the erotic imagery of her pink pouting lips spreading closer to his own curls.

"I'll tell you when to worry." Buffy reassured him, and she felt a little burst of warmth in her chest when they shared a smile.

"Can I come down a little?" He whispered.

"Mmhmm." She welcomed him, open arms, open legs, sliding easily up the back of his thighs to bring him in tighter, all the while knowing he was carefully avoiding putting pressure on the body below his.

Her hands ran up into his hair, slowly coming un-gelled, springy half-spikes. Relaxed. She pulled him down by those softening half-curls and kissed him. When he broke the contact to let her gasp out in pleasure and the need for new air, he smiled down on her. Not a cocky smile, or his smug smirk. A real smile.

And she smiled back.

* * *

It broke something, or built something, that smile. Maybe both, tore out some of her insecurities and worries, built some sort of companionable, unspoken pact. They didn't bother to worry about defining it. Finally, brains were turned off, instincts turned on.

 _Because we_ _'_ _re just night beasts ourselves, her and I._ Spike eased her to her side and stuck with her as he did so, working his hand across her swelling nub and thrusting right on the spot she preferred.

 _He won_ _'_ _t hurt me, can_ _'_ _t hurt me, can_ _'_ _t hurt him, and we both-_ one of his hands and both of hers lay unthinkingly on the flat of her growing stomach- _want to keep this safe._

Easy as blinking, he'd said. It was when you weren't worrying anymore. Her rear snuggled into the half-s of his hips and rode as he pounded steadily but not too hard.

Natural. Natural thing this. This is the only real nature he'd experienced. Making love with a live, breathing, gasping, laughing woman, feeling her blood pounding, heart beating. Faintly feeling, ever so faintly, with his heightened senses, some little pulse of life deep down in her, under his hand. He bit her neck firmly, but didn't draw any blood, of course not, not safe, she'd said. Didn't know if it was to keep in his growls as she came on him yet again, or to keep his lips up high, instead of wandering down to worship this "nature" she was letting him get close to.

* * *

Another turn, another kiss and smile, and he tried that position he'd mentioned, cradling her knees over his elbows as he split her open and rocked inside her pillowed hips, knowing this would be the one he couldn't hold back from. Not when he could see those perfect, dark-tipped breasts bobbing on the flushed torso, watch her unconsciously reaching down to rub their united flesh, pleasing them both. Watch her rake her hand from her open, pleading mouth, over the full swelling hills on her chest, and end up clawing his hand, holding him tight as he dug into her thigh. _All connected up. This Slayer and vampire._

"Cum for me?" She had to say it in two breaths, because she couldn't get enough volume in one.

"I will. Of course I will, Precious." He turned his hand over so that instead of her clinging to his knuckles, they could link up properly, their netted fingers making a brace for her leg.

 _This is how it should be. Holding onto the other person so tight. Not ashamed to speak._ Her eyes sparkled up at him, glossy on the surface. _Bet he knows why, too._

 _She never had this. Maybe just once. I never had this either._ He let one leg drop so he could bend, grabbing hold of her face with one hand, letting her shift her cheek into his palm like she'd practiced a million times. Wiping the sweat from her face with his thumb, and fingers subtly feeling her pulse.

"Slayer. Look at me, Buffy, open." He wanted her eyes to meet his, even though they were both reaching the stage where your eyes sealed and your mouth opened as all the pleasure streamed out.

She was looking, steadily, trying to swallow and nod at once.

"One more secret?" He offered. Another nod, and her cheek turned just slightly so she could kiss the stretch of skin between his thumb and fingers, her unspoken promise to keep his confidence. He licked his lips, trying to explain this one, amazing, mind-fucking, mind-blowing thing, the thing that made this the best sex ever in a century of amazing fleshly revels. "Dead things- like me, love life. We drain it, we drink it, we gotta have it, gotta keep it, so we stay like we were- living."

"Makes sense." She didn't condemn him or even look sickened, a first for both.

"This is the- most alive thing- I ever felt. Livin' or dead." His fingers tightened their grip, slipping round to the back of neck, tangling hard in her hair. She wasn't afraid, she knew she didn't have to be. He only needed to hold on, that was all.

"You didn't need to kill to get it." She whispered, again, her voice only passionate, not squeamish.

"Feels… can't tell you how it feels."

"Natural. Don't need to think. Don't need the words." She gripped the hand intertwined with hers hard. He didn't flinch. Didn't need to. She only needed to hold on, that was all.

"Bloody good gift." He bowed his head suddenly, his shoulders thrown forward as he lost control.

She arched, spine up, knees escaping, receiving his orgasm like the torch that lights the pyre, her own climax flaring up from the delectable shudders he made inside her.

It lasted a long, glorious moment, and then they separated, too weakened to hold their positions. He dropped to his knees, resting one hand and his forehead wearily against the trembling leg splayed over the bedside. He smiled as he felt a feathery, half-shaky hand reach out and come to rest on his, fingers slowly wrapping together.

 _Not ready to let go._

* * *

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

**Ready**

 **by Sweetprincipale**

 _AU early season 5. Riley and Buffy are still together and something big happened over the summer- a little bundle of joy is on the way. Buffy is not so joyful about how Riley is now treating her. She's ready to be seen as the Slayer and woman she still is, and Spike doesn't object to lending a hand (or other parts)._

 _Author's Note: Joyce is around and healthy, but Dawn has not entered, nor Glory. Probably because if this were a show, the entire season would be devoted to this story arc, not the Glory one._

 _Author's Second Note: There is smuttiness here, including, but not focusing on, one partner being pregnant during the smut. If this offends thee, read not the piece :)_

 _Dedicated to: Ginar369,_ _AGriffinWriter_ _, writerdragonfly, Illusera,_ _omslagspapper_ _, jhiz, The Three March Hares, stuff'n'nnonsense, Lippy Cus,_ _Jackiemack916_ _,_ _elacartier_ _,_ _Caskett93_ _,_ _Cloongarvin_ _,_ _midnightjen_ _, rofan1976, evilbuffyfan4eva, bellebellel, Roscommon, TieDyeJackson, Vivih88, KyanaM, and Notashamedtobe._

 _Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._

 **Part IV**

She struggled to sit up, feeling winded, something she had not yet felt in this pregnancy, or in fighting lately, and sure as hell not in lovemaking.

Spike heard the struggle for breath and lifted his head. "Okay, Slayer?"

"Yes, very, very okay." She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair as he moved back to let her rise, still on his knees, one hand still locked in hers. "Wobbly knees." She said by way of explanation when she tried to scoot forward and failed.

"Mine too, if I'm honest." He laughed, but he did manage to get up- and she didn't. "Want help?" His grip tightened, ready to pull.

"No, I'm good. Just need to- ." Buffy's head tilted past him, towards the small ensuite half-bath.

"Right." He watched her stand, and slipped his arm automatically around her waist as she rocked back.

"You're good at this." Buffy murmured, trying not to feel helpless- and also well aware of what a sexually sated mess she was in the aftermath of their last round.

"Helped Dru plenty of times when she had weak legs." He shrugged easily, steadied her, and then let her go.

"Thanks." She disappeared into the bathroom.

Spike sank back, listening to the human sounds of water releasing and then different sounds of water running, a light flicking on, a cry of "My hair!". He laughed. "The hair is beautiful, Luv!"

"If you like the big, 80s Aqua Net overload look." She called back.

"I didn't mind it." Spike shrugged, and heard an answering little titter.

"Hey… you're not leaving, are you?" Her face suddenly appeared as the door jerked open a few inches.

 _Look at those big, worried eyes._ The cruel part of him would have loved to make a little jibe, but nothing came out. "Do I look like I'm leavin'?" He queried, sprawling on her bed as if he'd never move. With a smile that positively captivated him, both shyly pleased and eager for more, she nodded and the shut the door again.

More running water. Guessed she was scrubbing herself clean. Humans and their notions that such sweet, delectable, visceral fluids were somehow unpalatable or unpleasant. He snorted. _Vampires are smarter- probably also has something to do with being orally fixated._

* * *

She reappeared, smelling like warm water, soap, and lingering sex. He moved over instantly, ready for her to climb in next to him.

 _So weird. The things you notice, all the nice, sweet little things you notice when you're with a guy for the first time. Although- wait, does that mean this the first time? As in more times to follow after this weird is night is done? I don't_ want _this weird night to be done!_

"Now what?" He narrowed his eyes as she quickly sank into bed- back to him.

"N-nothing." So quick to blurt it out that she stuttered the first sound. _Damn._

"I thought you wanted me to stay." He was sitting up now, preparing to slide over her and to the floor, get dressed and go if not wanted.

"I do!" She turned and grabbed his arm in a way she considered pathetic, all clingy and needy. _More damn._

He considered it telling- and a relief. "I'm glad." He lay down easily again, his body now half under hers as she turned with him, slowly loosening her grip. He reached up to fondle a puff of her "big hair", smooth it back. "I love this hair. Sleek, styled, sexed." He grinned mischievously. "Never have to worry about what you look like after, Slayer. Or durin'. Especially not the hair, Goldilocks."

His compliment relaxed her, made her laugh softly and lie back with him, while her mind was still turning _. Does he mean that about more sex tonight, or is this later? Another time? Why am I so obsessed with Spike sex?_ Buffy looked her partner up and down. _Well, duh._

"What's your pleasure, Luv?" He watched her eyes rake him quickly, a girl practiced in hiding her fears and feelings only caught out because of choosing a bedfellow equally experienced at catching those foibles and exploiting them. Strangely, he felt no desire to do any exploiting now.

 _She's giving me anything I could want out of this deal. You don't break a good set up by being pushy, or nasty to the party of the second part. Not smart. Just good business to be- be what I want to be, and be what she needs. And the longer you are what she needs, the longer you get what you want. Good business._

 _Yeah, that_ _'ll hide the soft, nancy feelings you're suddenly getting. Good job, William._

"I- we could … wait, literal pleasure, or is that figurative language?" Buffy frowned, and when he chuckled and rested his head suddenly on her breastbone, she relaxed and laughed with him. "Sorry! I can't think straight. Or walk straight, or even talk straight."

"I know, an' if you promise not to stake me for havin' a little fun off you, Pet, I can tell you it's pretty adorable."

"Airhead Buffy with jelly legs is adorable?" She tapped her chin on the crown of his head.

"Cute, even." He winked up at her.

 _Never had this. With Riley, it's nice, and relaxed after, and we might joke around a little. We used to. It still wasn't like this._ "Post-sex Spike is pretty sweet." She smiled down on him, a sadness in her eyes that she couldn't hide.

"But he's makin' you melancholy?"

"Not you. You're making me feel… really good. It's other people clogging up my memory." She sighed.

"I can take your mind off of them?" He offered, innuendo obvious.

"I would love that."

He kissed her, sinuously, seductively, and she reciprocated- until she had to stifle a yawn.

"Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry." Buffy gave him a mortified look as she finished.

"Why don't you sleep, Slayer? You're shagged out. Used up a lot of pent up energy in one go."

"No, that's- I'm not that tired."

"You afraid I'll run off if you close your eyes?" Spike hit her insecurity squarely on the head, but he was finding out if one of his own was going to be laid to rest. Not that it mattered if she only wanted him for sex. That's all it could ever be, a sexual thing, between the two of them. Obviously. But it'd be nice if there was some sorta respect as well as the sex-toy aspect.

"Less jerky and evil men than you have done it." She shrugged, trying to look indifferent. _So you wanted him to stay until daylight. You are superhuman, but you're also a superhuman girl who's been up for hours, killed a lot of demons on a Hellmouth, and who's pregnant. Somewhere, somehow, this body's gonna crash_.

"You know, funny thing about bein' evil…" He ensconced himself more firmly into the bed, even starting to wriggle under the covers he had no need of. "You can be this terrible, bloodthirsty, right evil vampire- an' still know a woman needs rest. An' if you've got any…" this word was gonna stick a bit, " _loyalty,_ let's call it, you wouldn't leave her while she's down." He heard a faint, faint sigh. Relief. "Wouldn't go until she's done with him."

Buffy nodded, then frowned. Her voice became more alert. "Done with him? That makes the guy sound disposable. I don't 'dispose' of people. Well vampires. Which you are, but not like- um- I meant dust- not that I'm going to do that to you, either!" Her babbling took her to new, confusing heights. "Sorry. I want to start that over."

"Goody, I like roller coasters." He enjoyed the sight of her snuggling down next to him even more. Glorious heat. That pulse. The scent. He wondered if spooning was allowed, not by her, but by the side of him that policed the Big Bad image.

"I was hoping… that you'd leave when I have to go to class. But I was hoping that you'd know it was just 'cause I had to go. Not that it was like me being 'done'. With you. This. Unless it's a one time thing, because that's fine." She covered herself hastily. "I wouldn't be _done_ with you. Like, we'd still see each other around. And- yeah. See each other." She swallowed and shrugged.

 _Well, well._ Spike grinned, but it wasn't in a taunting way, just pleased. "You think you'll need your friendly neighborhood 'expert' again?"

"Maybe not like I needed him tonight. Maybe just because… I don't know. Bad ideas." She let her head sink into the pillow and closed her eyes tight. _Why do I talk? Why wasn't I born with a recorded message for all occasions?_

 _Would the people who make those recordings even have imagined this kind of occasion? Back to being stuck with talking._

"It sure looks bad if you think about what it is. Slayer and vampire havin' a shag. It didn't feel bad though."

"No, it didn't. It was really- wonderful. Hot. Great. All the orgasms were amazing- did I say hot?"

"You did. Maybe not such a crime to keep the option." He said casually.

 _Weird. Scary. Icky. But definitely a good option. Because the sex is beyond awesome._

And not just that, she admitted to herself, then to him. "I liked the other stuff, too." She whispered.

"This stuff?" He slid his arm over her waist, drawing her in, pressing a kiss to her ear. _I'll be damned. She fits me._

 _He_ _'s the perfect size._ Riley and Angel felt- big. Broad, protective in a smother-y way. Spike just felt right. _And the right temperature, too._ She wiggled back against him, overheated skin enjoying the coolness of him.

"The talking stuff."

"Natural stuff."

"So, so easy." She yawned again. "Everything with Riley is gonna get messy and ugly soon."

"Not on my account?" _Don't ditch the boy for me. I'm not the replacement, am I?_

"No, on account of my sanity and the fact that- I can't be with him and still be me, Spike. You did help me see it, or at least say it. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell Riley you orgasmed me into being your love slave or something." _Though if he keeps it up, there are possibilities…_ "Everything is going to get messy. This should have been. Wasn't." _More proof of weird_.

"No. Was pretty near perfect."

 _Nothing with me is ever perfect. Especially not this. It was cheating. With a soulless and formerly deadly enemy._ "How can you say that?"

"I was thinking about when we were together, Slayer. Not about the other shit surroundin' us. Just the- us."

"Oh." She remembered the smile. The touch of his hand. His confession about loving life and her acceptance that it made perfect sense. "Yeah. That was pretty perfect."

* * *

Buffy half-woke up with a little shiver. _Chilly._

Her eyes opened fully. Someone was dragging a sheet up over her shoulder. _Riley?_

 _No. Spike. Oh God. Reality time. Cheated on boyfriend. While carrying his baby. With murdering vampire._

 _Vampire sex-god. Who just tucked me in._

A slow drawl interrupted her panic. "Not to sound like the jerk, but you sure it's okay if your heart rate gets up all high and sudden like that? For the kid, I mean."

"Spike." She sighed, and turned. "Hi." _He didn't leave. What time is it?_

"You can close your eyes, but the heart rate gives it away." He smirked. "It's daylight, Pet. I can go if you want. But you can relax, either way." Spike listened to the suddenly hard-beating blood begin to pulse more normally. "Good." He grinned.

"Daylight's vague. What time in people time?"

Spike chuckled and looked past her shoulder to the digital clock on their microwave. "If that micro is right, it's half seven."

"Oh good. We get a couple more hours before I have to leave." She stretched. Then blushed. "If you still want to stay."

"I've got plenty more rounds in me, Slayer."

She licked her lips. _Very good thing. And of course that's why he's staying. Sex. He gets sex with you, and it's a new thing for him, this warm body stuff._

"You sore or anything? I know you could take one hell of a beating, I'm just asking. Seeing what you're up for." He was up. Very up. How she hadn't realized that yet was a mystery to him, pressed up close like she was, and him feeling like he stuck out a mile.

"I never- you know, had 'rounds' one right after the other before, not when I'm a little bit- hm- you know. Different. There." She gestured vaguely below the waist. "We can try, and we can stop if we have to."

"I don't want it to hurt." Spike backed up an inch or so, beginning to sit. "Slayer healing ought to keep you in good shape. But if it's too tight for the main attraction, you seemed to like what I can do with my mouth. Or hands. Haven't really gotten to show you what I can do with my hands." He gave a smug quirk of his lips and flexed his fingers.

She felt herself burn, a good burn, like someone turned on a tiny hot water spout inside, and it was quickly coating her, working its way down from deep inside. _Spike parts. Cock, hands, mouth. All for me. And all just offered, like it's no big deal. Like he wants to, and even though I'm pregnant, and maybe I'm not doing everything exactly the way I used to, that's okay. That's how it should be._

"Slayer? Pick a digit, any digit." He teased, fingers wiggling once before lightly touching her shoulder, beginning to trail down her arm.

"I was just thinking." She gasped out, her train of thought interrupted and now coming out of her mouth instead of riding around her head. "This is how it should be. When someone has something- physically different- your partner doesn't just quit. They figure out a game plan. Option two. Or three." The fingers were now trailing back up, and over her slightly achey breasts.

"You're not bloody disabled, Luv. Just a bit wider in the waist, more swollen in the lady bits. And these." A gentle squeeze on each breast. "Nothin' to put a man off, that's for damn sure."

"I'm not that much wider." She gave a worried look down at her midriff.

"No, no you're not." He laughed at her pout. He stopped his hand short of playing with the juicy bits he really wanted, and began a tentative glide from her collarbone to her thigh, slow and soft, musing with his fingers as he mused aloud. "Dru was ill for a long time. Mob. Prague."

"I remember hearing about that."

"When she had any energy, she still liked a bit of attention. But too much would press the wrong buttons, open up the parts that were healing, press too much on things that were still fractured or burnt."

Buffy winced. "Wow. Badass mob."

Spike glared. "She survived them. What's that tell you about her?"

"Sorry. Go ahead."

"Just gettin' to the point that I've had plenty of practice making it good for someone who's limited in their choices of activities." Looked at her as his hand massaged. Felt her hips spread, so slightly. "You're not even close to that, Slayer. You just wanna test the waters. Go easy until you figure out if it's safe to swim." His fingers went between her hips. Oh yes. More engorged, the soft little nub all hard and pushed forward, just begging for his thumb. One finger gave a quick slip across the surface and found the wetness already there, coating the outside. "Think it's safe enough to start."

* * *

She just closed her eyes, hands in his hair, then digging in lightly to his scalp and neck, and held on. One finger, two, three, then two again, milking her, not too hard, not too gentle, making her want to beg for something much bigger for her to play with. Small shockwaves of orgasms made her pulse and she even felt her abdomen tense and then ripple away, harmlessly. He felt it too, paused, changed his stroke, making sure she was comfortable.

Since she was, there was no hesitation when she reached down, sinking one hand into his lower back and pressing, pulling, lifting, locking him into her. He kissed her shoulder absently and sank inside, both breathing heavily and unevenly when cool met overheated.

"This. Is good." Buffy murmured dazedly. Silently rocking bodies, overeager hands and mouths, squeezing pussy, cock that no longer waited for an okay, just snugly buried.

"Bloody good." He agreed. She didn't warn him not to go too deep, and he didn't need to hammer in hard to enjoy the exquisite slip and thrust. Wetter and loosened up, she was taking him pretty much all the way. _Paradise._

 _Why did Dru need anyone else? I mean, yeah, annoying, but she was evil too, and I don_ _'t think he annoyed_ her.

"She never cheated with anyone else except for sex?" Buffy's voice was puzzled.

Spike ground to a halt, perplexed, and kind of angry. "What, Slayer?"

"Sorry. I'm sorry. I was relaxed, good feelings and I- I thought no one would ever need anyone else. In terms of sex." She winced. "I promise this started out in a 'complimenting Spike' way, and went bad."

He gave a single terse nod, and fucked her a little harder, three or four strokes before he let the tension go. "It was all about havin' little flings. Yeah. 'Cept for Angelus. That was … different."

"Mmhmm." She stroked his back. Comfortingly, she supposed, apologetically. _I should make this up to him._

 _How do I make this up to him? I don_ _'t think Spike has a lot of wants except blood, booze, and violence. Sex , too, but he's getting that, and I can't really get him the others_. "I'm really sorry I said that." _Apologies have to do._

"Forgiven." He grinned at her slightly.

"Just like that?"

"Why not?"

"I thought you'd be more grudge-holdy."

"You said it came out of a good place in your head. I'm gettin' to know the inside of it, and it's a twisty little rabbit warren in there. Like I said, I like words." He gave a sudden shake of his head. "Wasn't always good with 'em."

She beamed unexpectedly, startling him into beaming as well. "Me on top?" Buffy offered.

"Any way you want, Precious. We could get on the floor, I'll show a few things you've never even heard of- that I can't properly pronounce, either."

"Tempting… Maybe if there's a next time?" Her eyes were hidden by her hair as she swiveled from under to over.

"You teasin' or serious? I don't like teases." His hand was suddenly hard on her thigh, keeping her from sitting. The chip gave a tiny warning prickle, but he risked setting it off.

Buffy knew that his grip borderline hurt, so maybe that meant he was borderline hurting from the hardware in his head. _Which means he really , really hates being played with, enough to risk a big headache instead of heartache. No! No heartache, just- bad feelings_. "No teasing. I just don't know - how things are gonna go. I have to talk to Riley and I might not feel like 'company' for a long time. Based on how horrible I feel."

"That's fair. But you're open to it?" He released her leg.

She easily slipped onto him, sweet pink folds parted and waiting. "You could say that."

A pause in speech, unless you counted moans and groans. Adjusting, seeking a new rhythm. "I didn't mean to be a tease. You know that. At least now." She wasn't looking at him, though it was almost impossible not to, She focused on the pillow to the side of his shoulder, trying to ignore the way the muscles were sculpted, strong but sleek, nothing "hulking" about them, unlike certain others she might name. "I didn't want to sound like it was all up to me. Sometimes the guys I date totally stop consulting me in the middle of my own relationship. Like- actually, always. Angel decided to leave. Parker decided it was one night. Riley decided I'm someone I'm not. And it sucks. So I didn't want to be all 'Yeah, next time', when you might not want to. People say things in bed." She shrugged. "It might feel different later."

"True." _And I understand that. Better than you know_. "Can you let me know what happens? With him? Even if you don't feel like the company, drop by and let me know. Professional courtesy?"

She laughed at the term. "As professionals in the slaying game- being slain or doing the slaying- yes. I'll let you know."

"Good. Settled." He crossed his arms behind his head and watched her ride. _I could get to like this._ Watched her face contort, and knew his own was mirroring it. _She could, too._

* * *

They tried a few different variations, top, bottom, side to side, nothing extremely unusual. When she came for the final time, he was holding her tight. When she was coming down, he was rubbing her back. She reciprocated.

 _Something grew. Growing._ Buffy watched his hand stroke her belly lazily. _Not just the bump. Something between us. Weird. But I guess everything between us happens in weird moments, one night or another. Making truces. First fight. Getting engaged. Having sex._

 _God, I live a really, really screwed up life. Spike just keeps being a part of it._

"You've gone quiet. I'd let you sleep, but worried you'd stake me if you miss your college class or whatever it is you said is at ten."

A lot she could say. She didn't. Her eyes were locked on his hand, moving slow and drifting. "Why do you do that?"

He stopped the motion for a second, but couldn't seem to resist moving again. "Didn't think you minded."

"I don't. I just wondered."

"Dunno. Think it's neat, There's a little person in there. I like living things. It's warm. Can kinda feel it's own pulse… Do I need a reason?"

"It's Riley's. Doesn't that bother you?"

"It's yours an' it doesn't seem to bother you, so no. Doesn't."

"I figured you'd have an instant dislike. Seeing as you hate the father."

"Hate you too, Luv." He kissed her forehead affectionately, and they both laughed at the bizarre situation they'd landed in. "Respect you. I _might_ even like you just a little bit after this."

* * *

They made good use of the time. A bit after nine she reluctantly hauled herself down to the dorm showers, and he did the same, deciding fogged up glass might be cover enough to hide his lack of reflection, and fast reflexes would make up the difference. When he made it back, she was slipping on panties and jumped when he came in.

"Oh. I freaked for a second. I thought you might be Willow." _Wait. Wrong-ness. Willow is my best friend and technically still on the roommate list, even though it's no secret she never sleeps here anymore._

"Yeah, how's that work out? With her 'preferrin' the company of women', an' you bein' one?"

"What?"

"You're not bothered, sharing a room with someone who probably thinks you're pin-up material?"

"Willow thinks _Tara_ is pin up material. I just happen to have the same parts." Buffy laughed. "It's all cool."

"Oh. Why'd you get the wind up then?"

"Huh?"

He huffed. Bloody delectable in bed. Sweet when she wanted to be. Very hard on the brain other times. "You were worried it was her. Thought if anything you'd be worried it was me or Soldier Boy."

"Should be like that. Isn't." Buffy's face closed over. "Riley is going to find out- but I have no idea what to say. You already saw me minus clothes. Willow, too, but I think she'd be more freaked out that your stuff is on the desk and the floor. I don't want to - I don't want to blame a break up on my doing this." She waved back and forth between them as they both were dressing, taking a moment to meet his eyes and stop hiding in herself. "I think I need to - wait, is that my towel?"

"Nicked it." Spike yanked open the door hastily and tossed it down the hall. "It'll get found. No worries."

Buffy rolled her eyes. Awesome listener. Sex god. Reeeeally annoying sometimes.

"What were you saying?"

"I think people'd assume this caused a break up. It's a good reason. In fact…" She suddenly bit her lip, thoughts striking her. "That would be a really good reason. And Riley could dump me, and it would be so much easier."

Spike stared at her as if she were mental. "He'd kill me, you know that."

"Well… it was just a thought. The other way is really icky and harder." She whined slightly. Her stomach let out an audible growl. Her whining tone increased, "He's never going to get it - I wanted out, and I didn't care if I did the breaking up before or after doing, well- you. Because I couldn't take it anymore! We've been breaking up for a long time. No one even realized it." She looked down at her stomach as it growled again. "If it wasn't for this little guy, we probably wouldn't have made it this long."

"Prolly would've. Took this little guy for you to really see, Luv. He treats you like he thinks of you. Now it's just more obvious how different his thoughts about you are from the actual you."

"Again- something he's not going to get. No one's going to get."

"They don't have to get it." Spike shook his head. "You know, people don't get why I took Dru back all the time."

"Because you're pathetic?"

"You want to give me a headache, and I'll give you a smack?" He glowered.

"Sorry. Cranky, hungry. Full of dread."

"I took her back 'cause I loved her, and I could forgive her. Loved her more than I hated what she did. An' yeah, I'm pathetic. Love's bitch, I'll tell anyone. To me, she was worth it." He shrugged on his long coat and popped the shoulders defensively, a sneer on his face. "What he does to you, an' how you feel, that's your business. You wanna make it work for the sake of junior, you do it. You wanna break up 'cause you hate the way he treats you more than you love how he treats your knocked up state, then you do it. _They_ don't have to get it. _You_ have to _live_ with it."

She was statue still for a few seconds. Then nodded jerkily. Then sat down hard on the edge of the bed, eyes slowly leaking, like she couldn't keep the tears back anymore.

"God dammit Slayer, don't you keep any snacks in here?" Spike chose to pretend the sudden emotional display was due to hunger and hormones.

"By the sink." Buffy mumbled.

He rattled around, chip bags, candy wrappers, apples, granola bars. The granola bar seemed safe, so he held it out, and she limply took it, eyes still leaking. He groaned, "I'm not stupid. I know it wasn't the food. Tried to give you the out, if you wanted it."

"But I'm still crying?"

"Hard to hide it sometimes." He shrugged. "I say something?"

"No. Yes. Lots of things, lots of thoughts. I - I try not to be selfish, you know?"

"Heroic thing. I heard."

"Not giving the baby a full-time dad seems really crappy of me."

"Unhappy mums make unhappy kids, Slayer."

"I know. First hand."

"He was quittin' the army?"

"No! Why?"

"Full time dad. Sounded like he'd be home all the time. If he goes out on missions, how long will he be gone each time? How much would he even be home?"

"Oh. Wow, I don't know. We didn't talk about all that. This summer was kind of a limbo period for anyone in the Initiative, and then- baby. Then- school started. Then- everything went to hell. Wasn't a far trip, look where I live." Buffy smiled ruefully, staring at her hands as they clenched on her knees. She startled when the bed sank beside her. Spike. Sitting there. Hand on her shoulder, then between the blades, rubbing in tight, firm circles, like he knew the exact place to remove the knot of worry in her spine. "Thank you."

"Welcome." He coughed softly. Cleared his throat loudly.

"Spit it out."

"Don't hit me, all right? Followin' your instructions here." Another cough. _Here goes_. "Why do you act like it's such a hardship to lose him, child or not? He didn't make _you_ happy, he didn't accept you unless you followed _his_ rules and regs."

"Those arguments just sound way less okay if he's going to be a great dad!" Buffy was shocked into arguing back.

"So, he's the only one who could ever be a good father to the bun in your oven? Is it cause you think you're damaged goods, up the spout or something? Let me tell you, a man would be _lucky_ to get you and a kid of yours. If he's anything like you, he'll be amazing to watch. Annoying, spunky, fast. Cute." Realizing how that sounded- as if he'd thought all about it, and he hadn't really, just seemed to be flowing out, he changed the line of argument quickly. "You don't even need a man, do you? Look at your mum. Single parenting worked out for her, right? You're her daughter, and aside from not bein' so bright all the time, look at you- savior of the world, four years running!" He threw up his hands. "Your dad- not around much, is he?"

"And I hate that!"

"I'd never know it, the way that Rupes loves you in his upper crust way. Dotes on you, really, though maybe only one Brit to another can tell. Risks his life for you, puts up with you and all your little pack, and thinks you're the fuckin' sunshine." He snarled.

Buffy rose, fists curled, fire in her eyes. She savagely hurled her snack to the floor, and then- stood there. "I hate when you do that!"

"Do what?" He challenged, rising. He wondered if throwing a granola bar would get him a zap. Was a light thing, wouldn't be intended to harm, just a way to fight back, if that was how things were going.

"You know what! Be right!" A little jab.

"I can't help it, I'm smarter!" He jabbed her back, lightly, and winced.

"Sorry." She dropped her hands, but he could still smell the anger rolling off of her.

"Yeah, well… Me, too. Should keep my mouth shut. It's none of my business." Spike shook his head and backed up a few steps. "You know, my motives aren't pure either. I really hate that git, and wish you were with someone who did you justice." _Or at least did you regular. Much, much nicer when she's seen to._ I _could do that bit. And I wouldn't hurt the kid, if it comes down to it._

"My friends- my mom- they're not going to see it that way."

"Because you pretended until you snapped, Luv. They don't know anything is wrong. If you let 'em see he's makin' you sad, then they'll be on your side. And if he's the stand up daddy-type you think he is, he won't let what you do come between him and his son, or daughter. He'll make it a point to be around."

They were both surprised when she launched at him. He let out a half-yell of the pre-battle kind, and she let out a swallowed down sob. "Thank you."

"I don't think you're s'posed to hug me unless it's in a carnal way." Spike said a bit nervously, but patted her back anyhow.

"I don't think I was supposed to get carnal with you in the first place, so screw that." She released him, wiping her eyes.

"Can you at least not thank me? With the hug?" He shifted uncomfortably. "Get sudden twinge of the warm fuzzies, and I don't know how you good guys have 'em all the time."

"I gave you warm fuzzies?"

"Uh… Hey, look at the time. You're late for class."

"Arh! No! This professor hates me already and I haven't even had to miss class for slaying related disaster yet." Buffy snatched the granola bar and her book bag in quick succession. "Come on, I have to lock the door, you need to be out!"

"Note to self, threatening with lateness is effective without violence." Spike muttered, hurriedly following her.

"I'm not done being nice to you- or whatever that was. I just can't be late and screw up in the fall semester. I lose a lot of GPA points during apocalypse season." She replied in an undertone.

"Gotta go down one more flight, basement exit." Spike stopped her as they reached the floor where she'd head to the lobby and he would get flambéed if he followed. "We'll continue it later, whatever it was?" He offered, surprising them both.

"Yeah. I know you need updates. I- I have to find Riley at some point."

"Luck."

"Thanks."

"Thanks for needing something, and letting me give it to you." He suddenly grabbed her wrist before they parted. "Don't think of it as one sided, all right? I got some bloody amazing things out of it." She smiled at him. The real smile. _That smile is one of the best things._ "Take care of yourself."

And it wasn't a demand or a dictate. "Working on it. See you later."

"See you, Slayer."

She walked a few steps, and he walked a few, before they both casually stopped to listen for the other leaving.

 _Shit. Caught me._

 _Bloody hell. At the same moment- well, we do have nice timin_ _'._

"See you soon, Spike." Buffy whispered, not looking back at him.

He grinned, replied in the same fashion, walking away. "Soon's you're ready, I'll be waiting."

* * *

 _To be continued..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Ready**

 **by Sweetprincipale**

 _AU early season 5. Riley and Buffy are still together and something big happened over the summer- a little bundle of joy is on the way. Buffy is not so joyful about how Riley is now treating her. She's ready to be seen as the Slayer and woman she still is, and Spike doesn't object to lending a hand (or other parts)._

 _Author's Note: Joyce is around and healthy, but Dawn has not entered, nor Glory. Probably because if this were a show, the entire season would be devoted to this story arc, not the Glory one._

 _Author's Second Note: There is smuttiness here, including, but not heavily focusing on, one partner being pregnant during the smut. If this offends thee, read not the piece :)_

 _Dedicated to: Ginar369,_ _AGriffinWriter_ _, writerdragonfly, Illusera,The Three March Hares, stuff'n'nnonsense,_ _Jackiemack916_ _,_ _Caskett93_ _,_ _Cloongarvin_ _, rpfan1976, kittyfajitas, , TieDyeJackson, Slaymesoftly, bellelbellel, KyanaMJedi Steelwolf, lil-leti, Vivih88, KyanaM, and Notashamedtobe. Wow readers! You know how to keep the words cranking out. Thank you for the love!_

 _Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._

 **Part V**

"I need to talk to you today." Buffy stopped by the TA's office. Without Walsh around, Riley was pitching in wherever various professors needed him.

"Of course, Babe." Riley stood up and kissed her on the forehead, ignoring her proffered cheek. "Did you eat lunch?"

"Uh- I had a late breakfast." Buffy said. "I'll stop and grab something before my one o'clock class. Riley, listen. I think we really need to sit down and talk. It's important."

Riley nodded, gazing into her serious face. "Do you know how many calories it had?"

She blinked. "The important thing?"

He laughed. "Oh, sweetie. Pregnancy brain. Your breakfast!"

"No. I don't know. It was healthy okay? Whole grains, fruits, nuts." She felt the anger sparking, and then tamped it down _. If anyone has a reason to be angry, it's Riley. He has no idea it's coming. I cheated on him. Once. Well, a lot in that once, and I… Better get this done with._ "Talking? Today? Important?"

"Absolutely. You have a one o'clock class? What is it? Can you skip it?"

Buffy's jaw dropped. "Riley, you used to freak out at me for missing classes!"

"Well, the baby's more important that a class! Besides, you go in a little late, it's not a big deal." He shuffled through a folder in front of him. "How long would it take? Fifteen minutes?"

 _It could take thirty seconds, the way you're pissing me off. And why does everything important equal baby? There are three of us involved here, and we were here first!_ "I didn't say it was about the baby, I just said it was-

"Ohhh. Crap. Buffy, I have to help Lerner in anthropology at one."

She let out a controlled breath. "You can't be fifteen minutes late?"

"I'm the TA. I get a stipend, it's not the same as being late to a class."

"Fifteen minutes of your time is worth more than mine? Your earning money is more valuable than me paying for my education?"

"Whoa, where'd that come from? I have a family to think about, remember?" He leaned over, arm around her shoulders, forehead to hers. "We can meet up this afternoon. Is four good, no classes? I won't make you 'forfeit your education'?"

She smiled half heartedly. "Four is fine. Where?"

"My place?"

"Sure."

* * *

Three fifty to three fifty-nine were some of the slowest minutes ever encountered. Which was saying a lot, because she'd had moments of waiting to die, to kill, and to get caught in all kinds of deep, troublesome ick.

"I never broke up with anyone before. No one serious. Not talking a few dates here and there." Buffy said aloud as she hurried to their meeting. She felt herself hyperventilate. _Okay. I can't do that. Baby. Calm. Breathe. I have to pee again._

 _Focus. Focus while finding a bathroom._ She entered the Lowell House, waving absently at a couple guys she vaguely recognized.

 _If he really listens- if he gets what's wrong- we can try again. I don't_ have _to break up. I have to make sure he knows we're not -we're not going to be together_ now _, but I'm willing to_ try _together_ again _, if he can see that he needs to be different. I can change some, too, I just need him to get it. That right now we have huge, massive problems, and mainly they're his fault._

 _That doesn_ _'t sound good. He's not going to like that._

More uneven, fast breaths as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, washed out and looking hunted, the stress visible in her eyes.

 _Calm down! What if the baby's adrenal system doesn't match mine? What if he can't keep up? I have to do this, and then I have to relax._

An unwanted vision pushed its way into her mind. Relaxed, satiated body on a bed. Make that bodies.

 _Spike could be sold as a tranquilizer…_

 _I might need some of that later. Especially since drinking really isn_ _'t an option right now, and limited chocolate intake just won't do it._

* * *

"It's four thirty!" Buffy stormed into the midst of the common area, interrupting a pool game and poker game simultaneously, heads jerking in her direction as chips dropped and cues skidded. "And I realize that seems like a pretty strange way to introduce myself, so… sorry. I -hm- I'm looking for Riley Finn?"

"Oh, Buffy, right?" A man she thought looked kind of familiar greeted her, rising from the couch, dropping a remote as he waved. "He said you'd be late."

"I was here early! I went to find a bathroom and then I waited in his room. I- I'm his girlfriend, I have a key." Buffy explained, flushing, backing out of the room as the groups around the pool and poker tables gradually dropped their gazes.

"Sorry, I didn't see you come in." He shrugged, following her. "You're his girlfriend? So you - know about his other job?"

"Commando, secret ops stuff? Yeah, I know." Buffy barely managed to keep her eyes from rolling. Then her heart sped up as she considered his hesitant words. _Commando stuff. Uber punctual boyfriend randomly not punctual._ "Oh my God! Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine!" The man soothed. "I'm Mike, by the way."

"Hi, Mike. Is Riley running late? Why is the commando thing relevant?"

"He's gone. For tonight."

"Excuse me?" Buffy felt both relief and anger fooding her simultaneously. _I can put it off!_

 _I don_ _'t want to put it off!_

 _Why didn_ _'t he tell me?_ "I saw him around twelve- he didn't mention anything." Buffy blinked.

"He got a call to report to a- base. Off campus."

"Where?"

"Classified."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not supposed to tell you." Mike flinched under her gaze. He'd stared down demons and bullets, but this little blonde seemed way more scary right now. "He came back after his class, there was a message for him, and he had to leave. He left a message on your machine, but told me to wait until you showed up to give you the message in person."

"What message?"

"Uhh. That he's not here because he had to go to the base."

"That's _it_?"

"He thinks he'll be back tomorrow?"

" _Thinks_?"

"I'm sorry. Really sorry." Mike backed up a few steps.

"I needed to talk to him! Now!"

"He's not reachable. Unless your security clearance is a _lot_ higher than mine."

"Look buddy, my clearance is higher than anyone with any amount of brass and- and fancy hats! My clearance is pissed off, pregnant, hungry girlfriend!" She was shouting now. _I don't usually shout. In public. At people. Who aren't evil. And who are strangers. God, am I going to be this angry all pregnancy, or is this just Riley-related?_

"Oh, wow… Yeah, that's a- that's a good clearance, I just um- I don't even know where he went, but I know you're not going to just dial information and get someone to give you his number." Mike swallowed. "Maybe he left you more details on your machine?"

"I… yeah. Maybe. Thanks. If he comes back before tomorrow, can you tell him I was here?" With a flare of indignation she added, "Oh, and make sure you tell him I was on time." With a snap of her lips and whiplike swish of her ponytail she turned and marched out of the frat.

* * *

"Hi Buffy, Riley. I know we were going to talk about some important things tonight, but I got a dispatch. Finally getting some official closure on the - yeah, the _things_ from the spring semester." His voice was crackly but excited. "This is major for me! And the baby, obviously. Tell Junior Daddy loves him bunches, and I'll see him tomorrow."

Buffy hit the replay button. Listened again. _No "I'm sorry, something came up." He says why, but he doesn't say sorry. And he doesn't say he loves me. Maybe he doesn't anymore. Maybe he finally caught on I don't love him. That'd be a good thing._

 _He doesn_ _'t even say "I'll see you tomorrow". Or talk to me at the end. It's the baby._ "Here. It's for you." Buffy put the phone to her stomach and hit play for the third time.

"Ok… that's either sweet or weird. Could be both." Willow's voice made her yelp and drop the phone. "I should knock?"

"Uh- maybe. I know you live here, but the knocking might help." Buffy retrieved the phone and hung it up. "With the jumpiness."

"Will do. And I don't live here, really. I can move what's left of my stuff in with Tara, you know. It's not a lot, and it's pretty much proactive, if you think about it. You're not going to stay here for long, are you?"

"Huh? Why not?"

"Dorm rules. No non-students, which includes babies. I know, they say no cats too, and Tara and I are totally breaking that one. But babies are just so much - more conspicuous?"

"I'll stay until I finish the semester, and then I guess I'll move home until I find my own place. Or see if Mom minds me raising a baby there."

"Your mom would be thrilled with that! But maybe not so much Riley. I don't think guys like living with their in-laws. Or girls, either, I just meant it would be his in-law, not yours."

"No, I get what you mean." Buffy opened her mouth and paused. _I can't tell Willow I want to break up with Riley before I tell Riley I want to break up with him! That's wrong, right?_ "Hey, Willow, would you listen to this message?" Buffy finally blurted, then handed her the phone.

Willow took it with a puzzled face and listened. "Aww. That was cute at the end." She smiled as the message ended.

"It was. Totally cute." Buffy admitted. "Could you listen again?"

"What am I listening for?" Willow frowned.

"Think about the kind of messages you and Tara leave. Or Xander and Anya leave. No, not those, those are kind of blunt and- they're a little - what am I trying to say?"

"Very heavy with the single entendre?" Willow supplied.

"Yeah. That." _And even that's okay when it matches the kind of relationship you have- the people you both enjoy being. Xander and Anya love each other just like they are, flaws and all. They_ like _the flaws._

"Buffy? Was there something else?" Willow prodded as her friend hovered over the play button but hadn't hit it.

"Huh? Oh. Just listen."

"Okay…" The message played again. Willow, with her genius brain and hyper-puppy processing skills started picking it apart as he talked. When it was over she hung up the phone with a deepening frown. "Oh. you guys were supposed to have a date tonight?"

"Not a date, really. Something big I wanted to talk about."

"He bailed?"

"Like a bucket." Buffy hesitated. "Anything else?"

"Now that you mention it, I guess- when Tara has something come up, not that it happens much, she always says she's sorry and tells me to call, or tells me when she's free to make up whatever we had planned. I guess Riley can't do some of those things, this being covert military stuff."

"Sorry's never been classified." Buffy mumbled bitterly.

Willow's mind returned to the overheard conversation between Riley and Buffy last night, and to Buffy's out of character, out of control behavior at the Bronze. "He's trying really hard to be there for the baby." Willow said softly.

 _Yes. That's what everyone will say. I'm supposed to put my child first, and Riley is! Am I being selfish? Am I being bad at this mom thing before the kid is even born?_

Willow watched her best friend's face tense up, eyes flutter shut, teeth grit ever so slightly. "He's not trying that hard to be there for _you,_ is he?"

Buffy's eyes flew open. _Yes! Exactly_. "I- I know it's selfish to say I care more about how he treats me than about how he treats the baby, but the thing is- I- um- I mean- I don't, _really._ Like if he were a horrible person but he was only good to our child, I'd be grateful, right? But he's a nice guy. So I think it should at least be equal."

"Totally!" Willow nodded supportively. "I thought he was being really great. You - you seemed so happy with him. Mr. Drama-Free. Human, knows the Slayer thing and doesn't care, has a soul, big shoulders, big brain, nice smile."

"Looks so good on paper. And in reality, too. He's a nice guy, a good guy!" Buffy sank to her bed, head to her knees. "Wiiillls." She moaned, drawing it out in a dismayed moan, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I just love him, why can't I just be happy with him?"

"You still don't?" Willow easily joined her, arm reaching around her friend's shoulders. Buffy paused, then shook her head guiltily. "I thought… well, I didn't think it was something you'd come out and say. I didn't think you'd announce it, 'Hey, I love Riley!'. I just thought, y'know, by now…"

"Maybe I'm broken." Buffy said lamely.

"No! Buffy, you can't force yourself to feel things like love!" Willow cried. "C'mon, we know that. Or we would have picked people who are 'good on paper'. Not the centuries old vampire with pesky atonement issues and another girl with a stutter. Which, don't you tell her I said that, because I think it's adorable! I would never pick on her stutter, I just meant it's something that some people would consider pesky! And she doesn't do it unless she's really having a hard time speaking, and that's because her heart is so huge, she has trouble channeling all that into words and-"

Buffy laughed and held up a staying hand. "Will. You love Tara like crazy. I know that. _Everyone_ knows that. No offense, you two aren't heavy into big displays, and people still know you're 'together'. It's… natural." _I got to have a couple minutes of natural once. Recently…_

"With Riley it doesn't feel that way?"

"No. Never has." Buffy confessed.

"Angel was your first big love, Buffy. It's just as natural to still be in love with him as it is- why are you shaking your head?"

"I'm not in love with anyone. At all. Not anymore. Not Angel. Way not Riley. Not Sp- specifically anyone, just not in love." Buffy wondered where in the hell that last slip of the tongue had come from. _Probably because we had sex. Well, Parker and I had sex too, and he didn't come up in my head._

 _Yes, but Spike and I have history. I would have sworn up and down I loved him last year. Under that spell. So there_ _'s that,_ plus _sex. Shoot, Willow's talking._ She closed down her mental argument to listen.

"-need more time?"

"To fall in love?" Buffy hazarded, having no idea what was just said.

"Right. Riley is great, but there have been big, huge bumps in the road. Secrets thing. The Adam thing. The Faith thing. Him having issues with you being able to kick his ass thing. This baby bump- ha, pun- in the road being the newest thing to deal with. Maybe you need more time. Do you _want_ more time?" She asked hesitantly.

Buffy answered carefully, trying to be honest. "I'm open to it. But, there's some stuff he has to do differently first. Then if he did that, I might think about it. It's only _might_ Wills, and only because I'm trying to be fair." _Fair. Not loving. That's not something you can make yourself feel, just like she said. You either click or you don't, right?_

"Good! Goal-setting! What's really ticking you off?"

"Is it obvious I'm ticked off?"

"Uh-huh. Now." Willow nodded.

"Riley has to stop treating me like a baby-carrying device. I'm a big, walking uterus to him." She stopped, face squinched. "Sorry, gross image."

"Passing the gross image." Willow waved it away.

"I want him to see me like a person, who I am, not who I have to act like. I want him to remember I'm the Slayer and I'm - pretty cute? Attractive?"

"Super cute. I love your nose." Willow encouraged.

"Thank you!" Buffy took the much needed validation enthusiastically and her voice grew stronger and more confident. "I'm muscles, and brains, and - and a cute nose! Cute other stuff! I'm - you know- 'desirable'. In a bedroom way."

"Well, duh, or you wouldn't be pregnant, so Riley obviously knows that you- Buffy! Head shaking again?"

"Not so much on the feeling desirable, or having any clue that Riley thinks I am. We haven't. Not since he found out. Not even once. Not even a grope or anything." Buffy tried to focus on the bereft, unwanted, unattractive feelings, not the red hot reminders of her ability to please coming from last night and this morning that were springing to mind.

"Oh." Willow put a lot into one word, disbelief, confusion, sympathy.

"It's a big deal! I hate Faith, but she was really dead on about one thing- slaying makes you hungry and horny. And I'm pregnant! Who knew, when I got hungrier, I got hornier, and Riley doesn't give a damn. I have been doing everything from the subtle to the down right asking and he brushes me off."

"That's terrible!" Willow gaped. "Why didn't you tell me? I thought- oh. Is it because it's about sex, and I like sex with girls? Well, _a_ girl. Tara- girl."

"No, it's because this happens to me all the time." Buffy sounded exhausted. "It gets hard not to take it personally. I'm pretty sure it's personal. Guys get tired of me, I guess. Or there's a reason they can't make love again. Angel, no soul. Parker, no morals. Riley… no interest since he found out my girl parts are both aesthetic and practical." Buffy wrapped her arms around herself tightly. "No one wants to tell their best friend a guy proposed but doesn't want to kiss you anymore."

Willow found her own head shaking, incredulous and lost for words for a minute. "Can I hex him?" She asked with a burst of enthusiasm.

"No. Maybe he doesn't feel it. If he's not mad at me for not loving him, I can't be mad at him for not thinking I'm sexy."

"I'm pretty sure he thinks you love him." Willow pointed out.

"Proving yet again that he strikes out at the 'knowing Buffy' game."

"You're really mad at him."

"Treating me like I don't exist. Treating me like I exist as someone else he made up. Massive sexual frustration. Hormones. Extra blood flow to the areas of sexual frustration." Buffy ticked off reasons on her fingers before said fingers curled into a fist. "I could punch him if I think about it too hard."

"Oh man. I'm sorry he's putting you through this. And the- the sex thing on top of it. Oh, Tara and I could help." Willow offered with sudden brightness.

Buffy's eyebrows arched as her cheeks turned dark pink. "Uh…"

"Oh! Oh _no_! Not- not with _that_. Not with the hitting, or the- well, it _is_ with the frustration, but it's not us helping. Well, it's _us_ helping, but we're not- there's no 'hands on helping' happening." Willow rambled to a frantic halt. "We have calming crystals. They remove physical tension in the body." She finally squeaked.

Buffy, once her initial confusion had disappeared, laughed. "Don't think I haven't considered asking for a little magic. I was thinking more like a libido increasing spell though. But when I'm more calm, I don't want that. No one ought to be tricked into feeling 'into' someone."

"Yeah. Just look at you and Spike."

"Huh? Wait, what? What about me and Spike?"

"The spell that went wrong, with you getting engaged? Mind-warped into feelings of lovey-goodness? How can you not remember? My guilt cookies? My triple chocolate chip, triple batch guilt cookies?" Willow's voice went shrill. "We are not doing any love or like or libido spells. No."

"Right, I remember." Not Willow's fault she had no idea what Buffy was secretly thinking of. "I learned my lesson, Wills. If I ever do anything- with anyone- I'll want to, and I want them to." She swallowed hard. "I don't know what's wrong with us, but Riley and I don't… anymore. I don't know if we ever did, or if we were just making love to ideas. Mine was the normal boyfriend who'd be there the next day, who'd take me for walks in the park in the sun, and still hunt demons with me at night. His was probably the same thing, flipped. Nice, pretty college girl by day, hunter at night. But hunting like him. Not with secrets and mysteries of the universe Chosen stuff. Maybe we wanted normal, and well, he's too normal and I'm not normal enough."

 _I'm not normal enough. Even if I change, I can't be less than what I am. If I try to play it weaker or "more normal, less slayer", I'm going to get killed sooner. I can't risk that. I can't do that._ Her arms suddenly went around her midsection and she curled her head down, knees up, shielding her baby. _I have to live as long as I can. I don't want to leave you alone._

"Buffy? Oh, Buffy, don't cry. Please don't." Willow felt her own eyes start leaking in sympathy. "Hey, no matter what, or who, we're behind you. All of us. And we all love both of you." She curled around her friend protectively.

"Promise?" Buffy sniffled.

"With all my heart, and as soon as I can get some candles and papyrus, I'll throw in a wiccan oath."

That made her laugh, which is what Willow wanted. "C'mon. You shouldn't be alone tonight. Tara and I are going to go see that new French film at the student exchange. We'll buy the popcorn, okay?"

"Popcorn sounds awesome, French not so much." Buffy admitted.

"We don't have to see the movie! I'll call Tara and ask if she can swap the tickets for another showing."

"You already got the tickets? No, Will, it's fine."

"I don't want you to be here, all alone and mopey!" Buffy opened her mouth, and Willow glared her to silence with her resolve face. "Hey, missy, this is not about you being all powerful, normal, pregnant, or not. You're my best friend and I know sometimes you have to do the strong, loner thing. This isn't one of those times."

"I actually agree. Look, don't worry about being with me, I'll -I'll go see a friend."

"Who?" Willow wasn't sure Xander and Anya were going to be the best people to handle emotionally overloaded Buffy. Giles- Giles might be great but he stammered and polished nervously when Buffy went into non-slaying emotional barrages.

Buffy hesitated. "Friend might not be the right word, but it's someone who can handle me when I mope, or when I turn into a total b, and I won't be alone. I think I'll go see if I can find Spike."

Willow's jaw dropped, snapped, and dropped again. "Spike? Really?"

"Sounds weird, doesn't it? Yet to me, not as weird as things have been with Riley lately." Buffy twisted her hands nervously, hoping it wouldn't turn into a third degree.

Willow recalled the fact that Spike had been the one she'd approached for help last night. And Spike was chipped and occasionally helpful. Maybe not too sensitive, but maybe Buffy wouldn't be asking for that from him. "Are you going to patrol?"

"Maybe. I need some kind of energy burn-off." _I can patrol on the way over. If I have to go find him, I'll patrol while I look._

"Promise to be careful and let Spike help if you get tired?"

"Yes, Auntie Willow." Buffy grinned.

"Ooh. I like that. You know Willow's a pretty name. For a middle name. And it's semi-gender-neutral."

"I'll think about it." Buffy giggled. "I'm hungry, now that I'm done unloading grief and self-doubt crap. I think I'll stop at the cafeteria on the way over to the crypt. You want?"

"Tara and I were going to do Indian first. It's only like five blocks off campus, you want to come?"

"Spicy equals fiery belching right now. I think I need mac and cheese. Comfort food."

"I got it. And if you need comfort of the non-food variety, you'll come get us, right? Your friends are here if you need us."

"I promise. I'll keep my comfort level high."

* * *

Spike pulled on his duster and put out his cigarette. He wasn't going to wait around. It would take a long time for any breaking up, or making up, to happen. It was bloody tempting to just wait though. Even more tempting to go take a stroll around campus, see what cropped up.

If he ran into her though, she was gonna be on the extremes of angry or miserable. That wasn't worth dealing with to get her into bed, right? And there might not be any bed having, anyway. _More trouble than it's worth. best leave the whole damn mess for a bit._

So why did his feet turn off the path from Willy's and head in the opposite direction?

Nice night for a walk, he told himself. _Taking the scenic route._

 _An_ _' if Slayer is plenty brassed off, she'll be out hunting already, and I can just follow the screams._

* * *

 _You know this is wrong now._

 _I don_ _'t care. I'm too angry to care. And I'm sad. And I said I would let him know. As soon as I was ready. I'm ready. And I need comforting, so I'm also following Willow's directions. Not being alone, getting comfort._

Buffy's argument stalled as she walked through the wrought iron gates on one side of Restfield. _If he wants to comfort me. He doesn't have to, it's not his job. But he might want to._ Despite all the reassurances Spike had given her, physical and verbal, that he would welcome another night like last night, she couldn't stop second guessing him- or herself.

 _Why shouldn_ _'t I? Guys can't seem to mean what they say lately._

 _I_ _'m just a mess. That's my own excuse._

* * *

Spike heard her and smelled her unique scent, so deeply imprinted on his recent memory, before he actually saw her. He was leaving, she was entering, heading in and out at different points. He stopped and turned, head back, inhaling longingly. Anger. Tension. Wetness. Strength. Whatever she was, she wasn't some crushed little girl coming to weep for her lost love right now.

He smiled. _Good._

* * *

 _Why does he look so good? He never used to look this good! I'd see him and my stomach would churn in the dreading him, feeling sick, hate him way. Now all I can think about is how he looks under that coat. He walks with sex and swagger- why did I used to think it was just his way of trying to look tough?_

 _Probably_ _'cause I didn't know that he_ was _all sex and swagger, for good reason._ Her insides clenched once and when they loosened, she felt uncomfortably wet.

* * *

"I wasn't expecting you so soon." Spike called in way of greeting, his voice low and dark, half-seductive.

"I wasn't either. Riley stood me up. I told him we needed to talk, and he blew me off for something classified." Buffy answered, now only a few yards off.

"No messin' about then. Straight to the news."

"I told you I would tell you. That's all I've got to update." Buffy stopped abruptly, suddenly uncomfortable. "This concludes the small talk portion of the evening."

"So who says the evening has to end at small talk? I'm sure there's more to …tell. Wanna come in?" Spike didn't break his stride, opening the crypt door as he reached it.

"I- yeah." Buffy gave a heavy sigh.

"You wanna tell me the rest?" Spike turned his back on her, lighter out, candles springing to life with each hiss and click. "Help yourself to what's in the fridge if you're hungry. I think there're leftover wings."

"Not hungry right now." Buffy blinked in frank amazement. "Thanks, though." _Spike has manners._

 _Probably only if there_ _'s something he wants. Like sex._

 _Which is okay with me, so this is all okay. Except for the total wrongness here._

"I don't have another chair." He sat down in his battered recliner, and then reluctantly rose and moved to the stone lid of the coffin in the corner. "Your legs tired?"

"No, everything's good. Physically. All the parts are working. Some just a little bit bigger. Except for the bladder which seems smaller. Can I…?"

"Take a light." Spike rose and kicked open the stone trap door and passed her a candle.

* * *

The bed was still rumpled from last night, she noticed on her way out. Buffy hesitated a second, then lit a couple of the candles around the bedroom of sorts. Just in case.

* * *

He was tempted to go down there. Surprise her, wait for her on the bed, or at least near it. _Good way to end up dusty._ Couldn't fully read her just yet. So Spike waited, adrenaline buzzing to life inside him slowly.

* * *

"Sorry. That's what happened to me all day today. hunting down bathrooms instead of demons. The magazine I read said that eventually the baby moves off your bladder and then- yeah. Other uncomfortable stuff happens but you stop having to go all the time. Until it's really big, and then it squishes _everything_."

"He's sittin' on your bladder? Thought they were up in the middle?" Spike made a vague circle on his torso.

"But they start small, and low." Buffy gestured. "They say at week - wait, I forget the week, they give you this magazine when you go to the OB- baby doctor- and it tells you all the weeks, how big he is or where he is, and what horrible thing you're going to go through."

"Runnin' to the loo?"

"Barfing, too."

"Is there more than that?"

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe I could read it sometime?"

Her mind screeched to a halt. At first, no words formed, just a big, blank stare of "What the hell?"

Spike reached for a smoke, very uncomfortable feeling all of the sudden, and instead shrugged defensively and fondled the switchblade he also kept in that particular pocket. "What? It's not like I'm gonna take notes. Keep the damn magazine, I could look it up someplace if I wanted."

"You can borrow it." Buffy heard herself say, mind still stuck on a "What the hell?" loop.

"I'm not gettin' all into the sprog, Slayer, so stop starin' at me like I said somethin' awful. Don't know if you know much about the history of givin' birth, but let me tell you, when I was alive, men didn't know too much about how the kiddies came into the world. We knew you got a bit of pink and if she told you she was 'with child' you were a father sometime within the year. It came out where it went in, end of story- as far as I knew anyway. After I got turned, I got plenty of the good stuff from Dru, and none of it produced children, obviously, so I never had to any reason to get curious. Would never even have gotten curious, if it weren't for the fact I know you and I'm watchin' things change." Spike concluded his tirade with a vicious slam of his hand down on the coffin lid.

"Uh… I'm going to call that overreacting-ish. I didn't say anything."

"Don't have to. Those big, green eyes of yours, I can see every thought you have when you're not fightin' or hidin'." _An' I sounded all soft. Look at little, defanged Spike, turning into the undead nursemaid. Well, I'm not. Merely a passin' interest. I like livin' things, and I like her right now, stands to reason I might like the little livin' thing inside her._

"I was surprised! Really surprised. But you didn't sound awful." Buffy told him in a softer voice than she would have imagined using. "Shocked might be a better word. I knew you didn't _mind,_ I didn't think you'd be curious."

"Why shouldn't I be? Got nothin' better to do these days than stay undead. No terrorizing to do, poker's not too hard. _Passions_ and occasionally teaming up with you and your merry little band is the pathetic height of my excitement."

"But you're smart. You're actually a lot smarter than you like people to think." Buffy sized him up afresh adding in the new knowledge she'd obtained in the last day. "The guy who likes words, and had ugly servants, who died a virgin-"

"Hey!" He fairly yelped.

"You weren't a thug. You were 'upperclass'. College-type? You were probably one of the nice, quiet guys, too."

"I was upper _middle_. Yeah, I went to university. Nice is debatable." Spike corrected sharply, and then winced. "That's a secret. _All_ of it, it's a secret."

"I wasn't going to tell." She tilted her head. "But that makes more sense."

"What does?"

"You were smart- I mean, you _are_ smart. So you hunted down slayers and had all these big plans and a big reputation with the evil, and then you got chipped. So now you're getting bored." _I'm a distraction. Anything with me, my body, what's inside of it, it's a distraction._

"Listen, Luv." He gave up the battle and lit a smoke. "Smart and bored I might be, but this wasn't about findin' a- I don't know, a new hobby." _She's always been my hobby. Her and the ones like her. Can't help if she's my favorite_. "I never thought about the mechanics of humans making humans, only vamps making vamps. The sex part is the same for either, might have different outcomes."

"Vampire-human sex is the same too." She pointed out, closing her eyes. "When I think about how I know that- and have proved it with two different vamps, I'm pretty much feeling like I fail at being a Slayer."

"Why? Broody had a soul." Spike shrugged.

"That's true. But you…"

"I have other 'redeemin' qualities." He pursed his lips and blew out a puff of smoke, flicking his tongue at just the right moment to put a hollow in it.

 _Whoa. Talented mouth._ Buffy sat down in the chair and tried not to think about anything for a few seconds, not guilt, not his mouth, not Riley, not weirdness. _Brain closed for business._

* * *

Spike didn't push her to speak, which they were both surprised by. Buffy was also surprised that she felt comfortable enough to let her few seconds turn into a few minutes, and that she cuddled up the worn and torn chair easily.

"How about those wings, Luv?" Spike asked after minutes of silence had passed.

"No thanks." It wasn't jarring, it was - _there's that word again_ \- natural. She looked his way with a small smile. "Sorry to come in and … I don't know what the hell all this was."

"I thought it was just talking. Arguin'. Snipin', snarkin', what we do." He smiled easily. "If you want my opinion, it's way better than last night, when I felt like you were one bloody big bomb with all kinds of hidden fuses. Least now I get some of what's goin' through your head."

"Thanks, Spike." Her smiled was still small, but it was genuine. "I got wigged about the baby magazine, I don't know why…"

"Slayer, I've studied your kind for years. Gimme some credit." Spike chuckled. "I'm not like your army boy, only interested in the cargo. I've been interested in you for years, studied you, and I'm still learning."

 _Interested in me? Studied me?_ "Really?" She raised an eyebrow slowly, a little glimmer of playfulness there.

"You know I meant slayers!"

"I know, I know."

"Although, yeah. I studied you, too. Still do. Learn about you all the time. Not using it for any kind of advantage right now. Maybe you … interest me."

The heat inside her turned up several notches as the tone of his voice over the last words. "Maybe you interest me, too."

"In a purely civil way. Not enemies. Nothing more complicated, yeah?" He inched off the slab, booted feet silent on the floor as he landed.

"Right. Semi-friendly? Definitely with professional courtesy, right?" She rose too, equally silent, standing in place, letting him approach.

"Sure. If you like it that way."

"Better than doing things with someone you hate." She found herself staring into his eyes.

Big green eyes. Slightly damp looking, so full of light. _The girl is peeking through the armor at me._ "Don't hate you all the time. Hate you less and less, if I'm honest."

Soulful eyes minus soul. _Maybe it's a thrall_. "Honest is very good." _That's not a thrall. Vampires using a thrall don't look- like they're waiting on the victim, they know exactly what they're doing, what they're getting. Spike is waiting to see._ "I don't hate you all the time, either. Lately, a lot less."

His dead skin felt alive, electrified when her fingertips found him, lightly resting on his arms as they finally met by the chair. "Promise not to give you any reasons to hate me right now."

"Okay, same deal." She agreed, breathlessly nodding.

Spike sank into that first kiss longingly, hungrily. "Waiting all day…" He muttered between his hungry kisses.

Buffy jerked back, "Really?"

"What am I s'posed to do? Pretend I can't remember the way you taste an' feel, pretend I don't want more?" His mouth moved to her cheek, jaw, throat in between words.

"Nope. Happy to hear it. In a weird, 'I need validation' way."

He rolled his eyes, but knew that she had her reasons. "You didn't think about me? Least a little bit?" Spike stopped kissing his way to her shoulder, hungry mouth halting, sniffing at her.

"I didn't say that." Buffy let out a muffled sigh.

Unmistakable hints of her scent, the one he was newly aware of. "Am I the one makin' you wet?"

Why deny it? "In addition to some other things." She gasped, trying to maintain some control over her brain.

"Got a lot on your mind." He purred against her skin.

"I know."

"Could give you something different to focus on." The vampire hinted, drawing back to look at her with heavy lidded eyes.

She nodded, bringing their heads back together. "Smart. Buffy approves."

* * *

Buffy had a few sequential thoughts in the next several moments as they slipped down the ladder together and seamlessly went to the bed. One thought being that this was a repeat event that still felt very different. More relaxed, and more urgent.

 _Different kind of urgent. I know what it feels like now, and I know it's worth being excited about._

 _Relaxed. He wants me. I want him. He knows what_ _'s going on in the body and the brain and this exists in spite of all of that crap. Easy and non-thinky._

* * *

The body was the same, but somehow different. Slayer healing must only do so much. Spike bent to show his appreciation to her skin, starting at the neck and working down. Breasts were swollen and the tips were much darker. She moved sharply when he flicked them with his tongue, a cross between over stimulation and enjoyment. He murmured an apology and kept going, rapidly heading to the spot that would gratify them both.

Whole different shade of pink, almost red, and looking far more pouty. He couldn't help but take the split of her mound between thumb and forefinger and give it an experimental squeeze. This also earned a sharp movement, but into his touch not away from it. "Tits hurt, pussy doesn't?"

"Pretty much." Buffy gasped. "It's not exactly pain- not all of them." She cupped her hands under her breasts and bucked into his hand. "It's about how and where they get touched, I guess."

"Show me?"

"Show you?" Buffy repeated, brain defogging for a split second. No one ever watched her touch herself. No one ever asked. When she made love- at least all the times after her first time- she was extremely focused on her partner, the goal to appear normal and stay non-injurious.

"How'm I gonna touch you right if you don't teach me?" Spike prompted, his voice losing any edge when he saw the startled worry in her eyes. "I promise I never need to be shown more than twice, tops- unless you just wanna show off, Luv. If that's the case, I could watch you for hours."

 _Makes sense. Still kind of freaking me out. I don't think I can do 'pleasuring' if I have an audience._ "You're doing fine." Buffy croaked. "Beyond fine, honest."

"Don't wanna make it hurt. Wouldn't ask to be shown unless I thought I could do a better job." Not _entirely_ true. Watching a beautiful woman at play had to be one of the best forms of entertainment in the universe- if the girl enjoyed showin' off. Slayer was a center ring performer on the field, not so much in bed. _Yet. Maybe that can change._ Spike kissed each flushed, swollen lip and darted his tongue over the clit, then down into her slit. "Wanna make your top half feel as good as the bottom half."

Buffy laughed as her head lolled back. Guys groped, squeezed, pinched. It helped add to the low, heated tingle between her thighs, but not necessarily a lot else. "You're the best one I ever had, Spike. Top, bottom, middle, I was serious. You're doing _fine_."

"Jus' remember I'm open to learnin' experiences." He nuzzled into her wetness before his tongue parted her again.

"I know. You're good at this. Really good." Her hand reached for his head, stroking the hair and lingering, clutching and digging in when the tongue increased its ferocity and depth. "Slower." She whispered. He slowed.

"Any way you want it, Baby."

"I don't even care. I just wanted to come see you tonight." Buffy moaned quietly, the unlikely combination of physical bliss and emotional exhaustion apparently loosening her tongue.

Spike paused. His undead heart seemed to do a hard, jolting thump, thought it didn't actually beat. "That's sweet, Precious. Real sweet." He kissed his way up her curls, over her thigh and dotted over her belly, rising until they were shoulder to shoulder, her on her back, him on his side.

"What?" He was giving her a squinting stare.

"You don't have to be so nice to me. You know that. You know we could be spitting insults at each other and still fuck each other into oblivion. _Both_ of us would do it. Since we like the pleasure, and we want it."

"W-well, you don't have to be nice to me either, but you are."

"So you're jus' returnin' the favor?"

"No! I… I feel like it. I'm doing what _I_ feel like, not what someone else wants me to feel like." She glared at him, then kissed him hard, but not harshly, heartbeat quickening a little bit at the unfamiliar but erotic taste of herself on his lips, heartbeat mellowing at the way he kissed her back, slow, insistent, unhurriedly. "Mmm."

"Glad it's just us in here." He pressed his head to hers as he spoke, eyes linking. When she nodded, he made the next move.

* * *

"You've got the legs for this. The muscles." Spike urged her to roll with him, spooning with her in front, and then sitting them up, him behind her. "You're light, too, means I don't even need any vampire strength- though it'll come in handy."

"What's this called?" She breathlessly moved with him, letting him position her, trusting him to do it because she knew it would feel good and be worth the temporary yielding of control.

"I'm not sure. Think if I get on the edge of the bed, it's called 'The Frog'."

Buffy turned to look at him over her shoulder. "Seriously?"

"I don't call it that. 'S what I heard, and I'm not doin' it on the edge of the bed anyway. I'm right here, with you, the best seat in the house." He chuckled against her skin and lightly kissed the back of her neck as she shifted her hair around.

Buffy couldn't argue with the seating part. In a squat on her knees, the backs of her thighs to the front of his, his cock moved against her but not in.

"Take in as much as you want." Lips formed words on her shoulder, and he moaned when she obeyed, taking in about half of him. His hands went around the front to support her, layering under her arms.

 _Spike is hugging me. Well, with sex thrown in, but I really like the hugging part too._ Buffy snuggled in and sank down, groaning when it went from "good" to "fantastic" in the space of a few strokes.

"That's the good stuff. All of me… pressed up into you on the juicy spots. Squeeze down." He growled when she did, and felt himself pulse in time with her fluttering spasm.

"Oh wow."

"Takes the whole package right along that pretty top wall." Another thrust, feeling, concentrating, trying to listen for the hitch in her breathing, or feel the soft slickness scrunching in a tell tale way. "Lean forward?" Nothing but the usual breathy moans. "Try back?"

A sudden happy wail, "Fuuuck, Spike."

"Jackpot." His kiss turned to a light bite as she started to ride him, not let him just slip in and out. "That's right, Slayer, you bring yourself off."

"What about- you?"

"After a few of yours." He jerked his hips into her, and just as quickly sank back, eyes now apprehensive where she couldn't see his sudden expression change, going from lust to worry.

"I'm fine." Buffy panted, feeling the edge of a rapid orgasm coming closer. She felt that swirling, hot sensation, and none of the typical indignation over being treated as fragile in her "condition". _Guess I was right. Only me and Spike in here tonight_. She arched forward, insides constricting, and he caught her, pulled her back to his chest and held himself in deep so her straining muscles were overwhelmed by the fullness. She let go, screaming, shuddering over the edge.

* * *

"Wondered if you'd scream." _Used to hope to hear her scream. Not like that, mind you._

"Well, I did. That time." Buffy didn't bother feeling bashful. " I don't always. That was- whooo. That was fast and it got me."

"Gonna get you again." He blessed his undead muscles, that held up her slight weight and kept this kneeling squat position without even a hint of burn. "One more like this?"

"Just one?" She teased.

"Oooh, Slayer's gotta new fave." He teased back.

"Not a 'favorite', I love it, but I can't see your face." Buffy explained as she shifted on him, more gently this time, nerves still tingling from the last time.

 _Wait. Did I just say I prefer seeing Spike's face?_

 _My face is what she wants to see_. "Gimme a second go round like this, and then you pick. Look at anything you want."

"Okay." _Thanks. For not making a big deal. Or maybe he doesn't care. It's all the same to him._

"Don't mind bein' like this." Spike's voice seemed to work in tandem with her thoughts. "There's _this._ " His hand left her leg to stroke down her hair. "This beautiful golden waterfall. God, Luv, bet they never stopped touchin' it. Like silk. Like sun." He nuzzled in for a second, inhaled, and let it fall away from his face.

The other lovers from the past tried to barge into her thoughts, and for a change she could keep them out. Even without memories lurking, she knew that no one had ever been so enthralled with her physically. _Because for us, it's pretty heavy on the physical._ "No one loves it like you."

"Fools." He reached around, caressed her face with his fingertips. "An' you know somethin' else?"

"Plenty, but what are you gonna tell me?" She let his touch drift over her skin, neural pathways at war with the gentle sensations on her skin and the burning pleasure inside her.

"Helps if you can see with more than your eyes. Creatures like us, Slayer, built for dark, don't need the eyes as much as the 'mere mortals'."

Usually comments like that rankled. His didn't. Maybe it was the dreamy voice coupled with the touch. Maybe the fact it was a genuine compliment. Or maybe it was the fact that Spike wouldn't have her be anything less than she was. "Glad it works for you." Buffy sighed contentedly.

"Well, I gotta rely on the hands, don't I? No reflection."

She laughed. "That does explain the hair. Hey!" He nipped her and they laughed again. "This is nice. Reeeally nice." Another happy little sigh.

"I'm falling down on the job if it's only 'nice', Pet."

The fingers that stroked across her face had made their way down to her chest, but they traveled up again. Cupping under her chin, thumb rubbing her bottom lip, and-

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked as the his forefinger gently hooked over, teasing the inside of her mouth.

"Trust me."

 _Ooh. Prolly shouldn't have said it like that._

"Is this going to be gross?" Buffy turned to profile, giving him a sideways glance.

"I hope you don't think so. Wasn't supposed to be." He huffed. "Do it myself." Two fingers darted to his mouth, across his tongue, and down, finding the hard bead between her parted legs. "Right kinda friction. Inside and out."

"I wasn't wet enough?" She arched one brow.

"Makin' sure you stay that way. 'Sides, I'm more of a 'lukewarm' and you're so bloody, gloriously _hot_." He grit his teeth. "Didn't know what you'd prefer."

 _This. I prefer this. With the awesome bigness in me, and the fingers rubbing in circles on me, and the raspy voice, and the lips… Hands…_ "Ahhhhh." _Words bad. Sounds good._

"Already?" He snickered gently, self-satisfied but not obnoxious. He earned a light elbow thrown back his way, but it was more of a warning than a real blow.

"I think I made you cum pretty quick the first time." Buffy reminded him when she had a brief spell of clarity.

"I'm workin' on repairing that image." He worried her more quickly now, taking in more of her under his fingers, pressing in harder. Taking her words away, just giving her moans. _Slayer likes it hard. Not rough, just a bit of pressure. Meant to take a blow, this body. Guess it stands to reason all of her is a little bit tougher, not like you can turn the slaying bit off and on._

 _Soldier Boy doesn_ _'t get it. Still doesn't get it. Thinks she can give the gift away. Lucky to get to see the gift in action, the wanker._

"Spii-ike!" A sharp breath in the middle, and she went forward, hands and knees rocking and catching herself, slipping almost all the way out before her could use his lightning reflexes and scoot back in.

"Lucky me." He panted out. "Getting you."

Buffy tensed briefly as she felt his hands on her hips, tightening, possessing. And then he was in where he wanted, making her see stars, and the hands were gone from her hips, cradling her waist and stroking her back in turns.

"Lucky me, too."

It had been a long, long time since she felt luck was on her side.

"Wanna be on top? On your back?" She was cumming, not the big explosion, more like a couple steady waves that threw him a bit. Wanted to do it properly, and instead he gave her these ripples. "Gotta get the spot, Slayer."

"You are. I'm enjoying this. I'm not in a hurry. Unless you are?"

"Nope."

* * *

A long, lazy climax for her, a hard resisted one for him, and then mutual collapse.

Spike's hand stroked down her spine, his voice stroked over her ear, but the words weren't what she wanted to hear.

"When's he due back?"

"Tomorrow."

"Wanna tell me what happened? I'll heat blood, you heat wings?"

"I…" She hesitated. Denial and the absence of reality had been a nice treat.

"I need to refuel, Slayer." He let his hand drop, rolling to his back, thinking about what had happened over the past few days. "I'm not used to it. Anymore."

"I never got used to it, so don't feel bad." She unconsciously reached down and patted his hand consolingly.

"I miss it. Havin' someone around. Not only in bed, the talking. Plotting. Fighting. Whatever. Guess I'm a 'people person'."

"Me too. Which makes it so weird that I got 'Chosen', right? With the scared loner duty?"

"Universe is full of ironies. Look at this one. Slayer of Slayers and Slayer, cozied up in his undead bed." He gave a grim little chuckle at his gallows rhyme.

"Not only that, but- ooh. Oh!" Buffy yanked her hand back and put it on her stomach. "It moved."

"What? The baby?" Spike asked, realizing that was a very stupid sounding remark. Fortunately his bedfellow seemed too awed to notice.

"Yes! Like, I _think_ that's what it was. Like a big- like a gas bubble popped." She blushed. "Super tiny movement, hard to feel, but- it wasn't like anything else I ever felt before, so…"

"That's the first time?"

"Uh-huh."

" Is that normal?"

"I think it's early. Maybe it was just indigestion. Or growling stomach."

"Let's feed you and eliminate one of the causes." Spike pulled her wrist until she sat up and followed him.

"My shirt!" Buffy exclaimed. "Are you just going around all- naked- like that?" She asked as he headed up the ladder without a stitch on.

"I'm hopin' this is acceptable attire for later." He gestured unabashedly to the pale, muscled frame.

"It is- but- the- I can't…"

"Put on clothes then. I don't mind takin' 'em off you again."

"I can't concentrate if you wear that. As in nothing." Buffy protested, pulling on panties and her shirt, nothing else.

The vampire groaned. "Jeans." He gestured impatiently, and caught them as Buffy tossed them over. "The things I'll do for you." He grimaced.

Buffy paused as she followed him up. _That's a good point. Annoying and evil as Spike is, he still does a lot of little things for me. Maybe with selfish motives, though._

 _Still. Shouldn_ _'t the unselfish guy be more unselfish then?_

* * *

"Then I had Willow listen, too." Buffy nibbled on the fifth wing- which weren't as spicy as she'd expected and better than she had. Spike sipped while she talked between bites.

"Bet you she missed it the first time. Had to hear it twice?"

"How'd you know that?"

"Cause she's a sweet girl. Thinks the best until proven otherwise. Plus, you haven't exactly let anyone but me in on the secret have you? Just how bad he makes you feel?" He drained the last drops and waited for her response.

"I told Willow. About the no-sex thing."

"Think he's- no offense, Luv, but d'you think he's getting some, someplace else?"

Buffy blanched. Then shrugged. "That's one explanation. I am."

"But you are 'cause he won't- well, than and you'd snapped from a hell of a lot more than just a lack of boyfriend-ly attentions."

"So true." She put the sixth and final wing down, picked clean. "You need a sink." She said licking her orange fingers.

"There, in the corner. It's not a sink, it's the tap run in from the groundskeeper's hose hook up. Fella before me put it in."

Buffy rose and washed her hands under the cold stream the creaking faucet produced, and watched the water flowing down the grate under it. "Doesn't this rain in your bedroom?"

"Nope, connects to the storm drain system."

"Primitive yet impressive." _Kind of like sex with him, sometimes. Grunts and huffing and puffing, then the screaming and the shaking and the wordless, mindless… pow._

"So you told Red. And what'd she say?"

 _Bad Buffy brain. On topic._ "A lot of things. And she listened, too. Something not really happening lately. Not that it's her fault, 'cause like we said, I wasn't talking much, how could anyone do listening?"

"Point." He watched her move slowly through his little kitchenette area, touching this and that, like she wasn't ready to sit back down and say the hard part. "What's the highlight, Slayer?"

"Riley is oblivious, but not bad, Maybe I'm the screwed up one."

"Also could be true." Though privately he thought Riley was a bad one to begin with. Noble and blind, protective and well-meaning- but somethin' bad inside. Something that didn't even realize what bad was. No, not bad. Hurt. Pain. He didn't see the girl's pain, just like he didn't see anything wrong with torturing demons and vampires, not killing them, playing about in their brains and bodies. "Skewed vision that one, Slayer. He misses the obvious." Like fucking Faith. Like anyone could think that man-humping skank in a Buffy-suit was actually the girl herself. In only three sentences he'd been doubting. _But not soldier boy. Soldier boy puts it to her, and doesn't notice a damn thing._

"I know he does. I guess I do too." She swallowed. "One thing Willow said was maybe I needed more time. To fall in love."

"Oh." _Wait. Wait, wait, wait. She's not s'posed to keep diddlin' behind his back while tryin' to fall in love with him. I'm evil, and even I know that. So what the fuck are we doing?_

 _Fucking. Filling in time. Spaces._

Anger boiled up irrationally, but her next words chilled it, put it back to sleep.

"It's the not time with him. I'm not in love with him. I'm not even in love with Angel, anymore. Some part of me is in love with the idea of Angel. Good guy, mission, soul, tortured love, all that Romeo and Juliet stuff. Some part of me is in love with the idea of Riley, too. Y'know? Normal but knowledgeable regarding the oogity things in the dark? Has a reflection and a pulse?" Her voice was wistful at first, then simply sad. "I'm not in love with anyone anymore. I just have… a couple ideas I like."

When she finished her explanation, she sat, not looking at him, not looking anywhere but her hands.

He stretched out on the coffin lid, looking at the stone ceiling. "I still love her. Dru. But, maybe it is only the idea. Don't love the leavin' part. The cheatin' part. I love what she gave me. I love the years we had all alone." He shook his head. "No. I'm not in love with ideas. I'm in love with memories."

 _Goddamn her._ His eyes were suddenly stinging. He'd never said such a thing aloud, never even allowed himself to think it. Allowed himself to be mad, to hate, to get angry, to want a little revenge- and then to have things miraculously the way they were before. Now a pint of blood and a "gab session" and the ugly truth is out. Once you say it, you can't unsay it. His loyal heart that clung to his sire rebelled and twisted.

"I'm sorry." Buffy's voice whispered. "It's a horrible thing to realize, right? You're empty all of the sudden."

He sat up, glaring daggers at her, daggers which sheathed when he saw her.

Staring down, arms wrapped around her still flat belly, a look of pure concentration and devotion on her face. "I have something to fill the emptiness. I don't have to be in love with him, to still love someone." Her soft voice was steel, determined.

"Good for you, Buffy."

She looked over at him, the use of her given name startling her slightly. "I don't _want_ to love anyone else. It'd be nice, but I can't make it happen if it's not- natural. If I'm not ready. It's not like I can't still 'love'. Friends, family, Giles, who is kinda both- that's all. Except…" Again that wondering look, "I love this baby." Buffy smiled at him, unable to help herself. "I don't know why, when it's also pretty terrifying and it makes things harder. I guess I know how it feels to feel like an accident. To get something everyone says you shouldn't want. Being chosen feels like that."

Spike's eyes went soft, but he didn't feel resentful at her for bringing the tender side of him out for just a minute. Listening to her talk- he'd prided himself on knowing this Slayer a thousand times better than any of the others, and now he was looking at new pieces, pieces no one else would probably ever see. "You love your gift, and your curse. I knew that the second I watched you fight. An' I knew it about the baby, second I said a word wrong about it and you landed me through the pavement, Luv."

"See, you _get it._ No one thought I would want this. I could tell when I told people- they were waiting to hear the next part, the panicking part where I said I was getting rid of it, or giving it up." She shook her head fiercely, eyes wide, somewhat tearful when she looked at him. "I already got one unexpected 'gift' that was big, life changing, painful, inconvenient…"

"Lotta people'd say this is another one."

"Maybe. This one is life and love. The other one- more about death. About losing love, losing people." A bemused smile as she shook her head. "Another totally unexpected present that I'm so not prepared for- and I'm happy about it. I'm glad someone in the universe thinks I still deserve another chance to find some love. Give me someone to love that feels right, natural, easy to give… and one that isn't going to leave me."

Spike watched the soft, almost glowing young features suddenly turn rigid. Wet eyes were suddenly ablaze, looking at him, but speaking to the universe. "I won't let Riley take him away. I won't let _anyone_ take him."

"Hey. No one is going to let that bastard take your baby." Spike's own voice had been in the same tone, some dormant protective instinct he missed using suddenly reborn. _That's for Dru. That's not for the Slayer's soddin' infant son. Or daughter._ He looked away, tried to get his voice back down to casual. "You act like you know it's a boy. Can they tell you that at those doctor appointments?"

"No. Got a feeling." Buffy shrugged. "Could be wrong."

"Well, I know a lot about how sons should treat their mums. And I know you're gonna be a good one. Your boy, or girl, is gonna love you, you're gonna love' em back." He cleared his throat. "Made a mistake with my mum, long time ago. Best reasons, mind you, still ended up goin' wrong. But I loved her, and I know she loved me until the day she died."

Buffy nodded. "I believe you." He had no reason to share a lie.

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't want you and your little one split up. So if I can help… Yeah. If there's somethin' I can do, I'll be doin' it."

 _Spike would help me_. In exchange for her. Her body. Oddly enough, right then, that was an acceptable trade, even if it made her stomach churn.

 _But Spike doesn't give me the sick feeling lately._ "Thank you."

"You gotta make me a promise."

"Yes." Buffy winced inside, outside motionless. _I don't mind this. With him. I could promise him this._ The sickened feeling tried to uncurl inside her, but didn't get very far.

"No stakin' me, as long as I'm on your side."

"That's it?" She blinked. _Wait. That's reasonable. And not icky._

"Well, yeah, seems fair. Can't help, if there's a way I _could_ help, if you've killed me off, now can I?" He smiled so easily at her, like he knew he could count on her- and she'd be able to count on him.

This time her thank you was relieved, and she found herself running to him easily, caught as easily, and hugged hard, kissed harder.

 _Why? I wasn_ _'t going to hurt him anyway, he's harmless. He's not asking for anything I don't already give. So why? Don't ask. Don't question. Life is full of too many problems, you don't need to have all the answers, just need to survive._

Her mouth and brain had serious control issues. "I'm grateful. I was wondering though… Why?"

"Because I feel like it." He shrugged against her, cool bare muscles flexing under warm, tentative hands. "I'm doing what _I_ feel like, not what someone else wants me to feel like. Or what bein' a vampire says I should do. Doin' what _I_ want."

Her words from earlier, paraphrased to fit this moment, spit back with quiet fury in a different situation. Now she echoed words of his, half-smiling, "Good. I'm glad it's what you want. I want it, too. I'm glad it's just us in here."

Neither noticed that during the moment, their hands had somehow slipped down and come to rest just above the third party, the little being that somehow would make up part of the "us".

* * *

 _To be continued…_


	6. Chapter 6

**Ready**

 **by Sweetprincipale**

 _AU early season 5. Riley and Buffy are still together and something big happened over the summer- a little bundle of joy is on the way. Buffy is not so joyful about how Riley is now treating her. She's ready to be seen as the Slayer and woman she still is, and Spike doesn't object to lending a hand (or other parts)._

 _Author's Note: Joyce is around and healthy, but Dawn has not entered, nor Glory. Probably because if this were a show, the entire season would be devoted to this story arc, not the Glory one._

 _Author's Second Note: A non-smutty chapter. (What in the world is happening?) There's a lot of dialogue, and it's written the way I see things transpiring, maybe not how anyone else expected them to go. You've been warned, but I hope you'll hang in there with me!_

 _Dedicated to: Ginar369, The Three March Hares, stuff'n'nnonsense,_ _Jackiemack916_ _,_ _Caskett93_ _, rpfan1976, kittyfajitas, bellelbellel, KyanaM,_ _fiz_ _, elacartier, and Notashamedtobe._

 _Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._

 **Part VI**

"What are we going to call this little arrangement?" Spike walked her home in the pre-dawn hours.

"You don't have to name things." Buffy said. "I need a bagel. Do you like bagels?"

"I'm gonna have to keep more human grub in my digs if you keep coming over for this- whatever you call it."

"You can come over. I have a mini fridge and Willow's moving out. Officially." Buffy sighed deeply.

"Then we got the reverse problem, unless you're keepin' a few bags for me in that mini fridge."

"You make it sound like we're going to do this a lot." _Which we totally will be. If Riley doesn't want to work things out. If he does, I have to be honest. Tell him what I did. Then he won't to work things out anyway. Leads back to the 'a lot' part._

"You're starvin' half the time, peein' the other half, an' damn angry the other half, which seems to give you the urge to tangle with the local Big Bad."

"That's one and a half times. Am I on a 36 hour day?"

"You know what I mean. And you changed the subject, which means I'm right."

"Let's go back to what we call it and we'll just bring snacks if we uh- get together."

"Anger management shagging." Spike suggested.

"That kind of works." She surprised him by agreeing. "Only- hey- I wasn't angry so much this time."

"That's 'cause you're not mad at me." He scuffed his already scuffed Doc Marten's along a graveled edge of pavement. "It wasn't about him hurtin' you this time. Was about what you wanted. What I wanted."

Buffy nodded. She didn't scuff her shoes, she bit the inside of her cheek. In the morning, this seemed strange, to be talking about, thinking about, what she and Spike had been doing just a few hours ago. Remembering the passionate grappling that occurred before they fell asleep, naked and tangled on his bed.

Strange as it was, she found herself slowly starting to smile. _It was nice when it was all about us._ "I think- for part of it- I was happy."

"Yeah?" His eyes brightened. It had been a long time since he made anyone happy. Never cared about pleasing Harmony, the airhead, in more than the perfunctory way required in bed. When he made the slayer squeal in delight the first round of sex, it wasn't about happy, just about release. Giving it, getting it. Happy was all physical. He could tell she meant something different this time.

"Yeah. After we ate," a soft cough, "and then we went back downstairs?"

"Mm. That was worth bein' happy over." Much slower at first, lot of watching each other and liking what they saw. Lot of touching. He realized that belatedly. Not the touching involved with a quick shag, but the touching for companionship. Arm rubbing, shoulder squeezing, smiling down or up at each other in a sweet sort of way instead of in the lustful, satisfied way.

"He's supposed to be back today." Another sigh, heavy.

"You do what you need to do. Still come find me later, give me the news?"

"I will!" Buffy gave an abrupt stomp, fists clenched. "Argh! I really hate waiting to do the big, hard, emotionally scarring things."

"Impatience. Common trait." He fumbled for a cigarette, took it out but didn't light it.

"I know, Mr. Couldn't Even Wait To Kill Me. And Fail." Buffy rolled her eyes at him.

"Ah, see, now it's not a failure. It's long term gain." Spike tossed out casually. "Lose a kill, gain a powerful ally. With bloody good legs and the sweetest, juiciest little-"

"Spike!" She blushed and halted his description.

"What? It's true!"

"Dirty mind."

"Said the sex-starved slayer who took a vampire down in a shamingly short time."

"You have to get over that." She conveniently ignored the sex-starved part of the jibe.

"I'm workin' it off." He grinned and winked in a decidedly lecherous manner, making her goran in exasperation.

"You're still a really annoying jerk sometimes."

"I know! So are you."

Silence.

"It's the other times I like." Buffy confessed.

"Now, how would we appreciate them without the contrast, Luv?" He slid his arm around her shoulders in a gesture of camaraderie more than affection.

"Ack, Spike! No PDAs!"

"What the hell's that?"

"Public displays of affection!"

"That's not affection, you twit, it's - bein' supportive."

"The only thing you can do with me in public is supportive ass-kicking when I get more baddies than I can handle at a time. Which is rare."

"But it's comin'. The autumn is young, the nights will lengthen, and then all the devil's children come out to play." He said as if singing an ominous little lullaby.

 _A fancy way of saying long dark nights suck when you're a good guy._ "Poet."

He jerked his arm off, startled. "Yeah, well. They are." Her single word cut too close to the image he strove to create, and she already knew way too much about the man before the vampire. Man still in the vampire.

"I know. Been there before. A lot. Five times running, yay me!"

"Longest livin' one in history. An' gonna keep you livin' long." He reminded her, all seriousness. "So go do what you need to do, and let me know what you need."

"Okay. Good deal." She nodded. The campus now lay in one direction, and the sun was beginning to light the grass a bright green-yellow. "I think this better be your stop." She tilted her head to the dawn.

"An' yours."

"Yeah."

"Right, then."

"See you."

"Bye."

It was some kind of innate response, he didn't know what it was, she didn't either. They weren't dating experts, either of them, for very different reasons. But she leaned forward, he leaned forward, kissed her quickly and gruffly in parting, and walked off with a jaunty wave.

"Huh. I think that's the goodnight kiss. If you spend the night and this is walking you back home. Our schedules just suck. Ooh. I wonder if that means you sleep through the day and not the night?" Buffy asked her belly. "I guess part of slaying duty is now going to require babysitting duty, too." She strolled into the quad with a shrug and smile, mentally trying ti picture Giles reading bedtime stories to her child- big, scary, actually true bedtime stories. Willow and Tara making crystals fly across the room for his entertainment. Anya teaching him how to use a calculator before he could walk. Xander putting a little hard hat on him, teaching him to read with the focus on comic books. And Spike, griping loudly about not being able to smoke around the kid he'd nonetheless look after.

Riley would … Riley would. The smile vanished. Happy thoughts vanished. Buffy tucked her head down and hurried towards her dorm.

* * *

"Was that the girl who used to be on the squad?" One member of a jogging group of men in gray shirts and various colors of track shorts, all similarly well muscled and short haired, made a daybreak circuit of the campus. Just because they were temporarily furloughed from an active assignment didn't mean they could get soft.

"Short blonde. With a guy. That's all I saw. Bet you see hundreds of those."

"She looked familiar. I kinda thought he did, too."

"Maybe we've seen 'em before. But it couldn't be that girl. She didn't last long and she's still with Finn, right?"

Buffy's bearer of bad news, Mike, jerked his head back towards the conversing males behind him. "What are you two talking about?"

"The little blonde heading towards Stevenson? She reminded me of that girl, the one Finn got into the squad."

"Buffy, right?"

"Was it Buffy? I thought it was Bunny. Who names a kid Buffy?"

"You sure it was her?"

"I don't think it could be her, she was with a dude."

Mike had heard that part. That's what made him suddenly interested. Pissed off pregnant, stood up girlfriend. The pregnant part probably negated the other man part. Finn was a stand-up guy, going places. Women wouldn't throw that away. "California, right guys? Blondes everywhere."

"Amen. I'm gonna miss the scenery!"

* * *

"I'm calling so we can reschedule yesterday. I know it's early. I don't know when you'll be back, but your 'messenger' said he thought it would be today. Apparently everything is classified. Look, just call me. Find me on campus. It _is_ important." Buffy hung up.

 _That sounded bitchy. Not at all girlfriend-ly. Or even polite._

 _I don't_ feel _very polite._

 _Done faking it._

* * *

Riley heard the message around three, when he arrived back, beaming ear to ear, a weight almost visibly lifted from his shoulders. In his mood, he didn't hear anything too out of place. Buffy was probably hormonal and just miffed that he had missed their talk yesterday. Well, not his fault that his duty came first. A scowl fleetingly crossed his face. _Let's talk about duty coming first- you'd think God personally handed her the right to kill vampires, like she was the only one who could. Like anyone would even expect a pregnant woman to put themselves at risk._

 _No big deal._ The scowl vanished. He was a pretty positive person. "Resilient, dedicated, motivated" those were the words his superiors used at his recent meeting. Everything was going to change for the better soon. New baby, new wife, much better life.

* * *

"Can I ask you a question? And don't- don't lecture me, okay? Because I'm going to ask you something that I would probably know if I actually read the damn handbook I never read. Which, yes, you told me to read." Buffy found the waiting was killing her, and the longer she waited, the harder it became to form the phrases she wanted to say in her head.

So what do you do when you have a big ugly to face? You research. You get the Watcher on board.

"Well, I'm flattered. And startled. I'll be happy to help however I can." Giles smiled at her. He put down his pen and some hefty looking piles of paper.

"What's all that? Are you working on something major?"

"Oh- a business opportunity has become available. I'm considering it."

"But- available here, right? You're not leaving here, are you?"

"How could I leave here? You're here." Giles shook his head at her folly. He also privately thought she might need him more than ever in the coming months. "What can I help with?"

"Slayers. They- they can get pregnant, right? I didn't just pull a mystical loophole, did I?"

"Slayers- being the age range they are, typically very young- an-and hrm- the age at which they pass away, combined with the secretive nature of their work-"

She cut him off before he stammered himself into a stroke. "I have to pee every hour, on the hour. You might want to just spit it out. Am I double super freak with a side of freak junior?"

He appreciated the attempt at humor, but he didn't find anything funny about the topic. "It's not impossible at all, Buffy. It's simply rare. It's simply rare that we _know of_ , I should add, because the histories are naturally incomplete, and because many Slayers may have hidden their pregnancy, or lost the child before birth. You're not in a desk job." His gray-green eyes softened. "I know you can't leave this job either, there is no maternity leave, no hiring of temporary help."

"I made it past the first trimester. The doctor said my risk is lower." Buffy swallowed hard.

"Thank God. But things happen at any point in a pregnancy. Slayers may not have carried to term. They may not even have known when… yes. Let's leave it at yes, it's entirely possible, and there is nothing superiorly 'freakish' about you. Why do you ask?"

"Oh. There's some stuff. With Riley."

Giles didn't like that boy. He had _never_ liked that boy, other than the fact that he was human, and that seemed far more what Buffy was seeking after her disastrous heartbreak with Angel. But Riley didn't understand her gift. He thought they were equals. Ha. Folly of youth and big weapons. All of this dislike was carefully, quietly smothered because he was not the type to interfere in her love life, and there was truly nothing "wrong" with the boy. Simply a feeling he had that it would end badly. Eventually.

"What 'stuff', Buffy?"

Buffy was surprised that he didn't seem surprised in the slightest. Calmly asking for information. _But that's why I love Giles, right?_ "Well… he's totally anti-slaying right now."

 _And what is she supposed to do? Kindly invite the vampires to a baby shower and ask them to abstain from killing for the next nine months?_ He hid the flare of annoyance. "I can understand his concerns. We all share them. I'm sure that between the uh- the skills he possesses and the knowledge and experience of your friends we can support your efforts and minimize risks."

"But I have to keep doing it?"

His heart twisted. "I would do it for you if I could, Buffy. You know that, don't you? We _will_ do it for you, as much as we can, but I'm almost sure there will be times when you are needed."

 _Yes. Because I'm the Slayer. This is part of me. That_ is _me._ "Giles, I'm okay with that. And thanks for offering to help. It's been more like people are trying to make me stop completely. Spike is the only one besides you who gets the fact that I can't totally-"

"Spike knows? I thought we were keeping this from him?" Giles exclaimed.

"Yeah, we were. Until I had a Riley-induced meltdown in public at the Bronze two nights ago, and guess who had front row seats?"

"Oh dear. Still-"

"Oh wait, it gets better. Willow and Tara, trying to be good friends, I get that, were a little desperate and told Spike I needed a sitter on patrol. He asked why and Willow… she shouldn't have said anything, but she did, right? Riley told them not to let me patrol. I said 'screw that'. I have to slay, and I don't need help- yet." Her eyes flickered down to her still flat abdomen, and then shied away from her Watcher's concerned eyes. "I need… I need something that works off energy when Riley - um- doesn't."

"He's unwilling to help you patrol?" That he couldn't believe.

"No, I think he'd patrol just fine. By himself. I wouldn't be invited." She laughed bitterly. "And I think that's a really good way for this kid to end up fatherless. He needed Initiative issued gear and back up before. He doesn't have that now. And he's… sometimes I think he's cocky. He has this idea that almost all the demons in town are chipped now. He doesn't get the yearly influx of bad that is Sunnydale also known as the big ol' Hellmouth. He's only been here for one year."

"Yet already he thinks he has superior knowledge. How charming." The Watcher said drily.

"Whoa. Do I detect some anti-Riley in there?"

Giles blanched. "Oh, no. No, it's not an 'anti' sentiment, I simply have realized, as I'm sure you have as well, that he is a very- opinionated- man. While I'm sure he's very smart, he doesn't have the same respect for the mystical and supernatural that we do. It's part of a career to him. It is part of our life."

"His job. My life. Wow." Buffy gave him a look of adoration. "You know I love you, right? I love you extra now, because of being able to put in two sentences what I've been trying to say in about a million words."

"The brevity of the English." He smiled, flushing slightly at her open affection. "I'm willing to sit down with him and help him understand the Slayer's healing ability and the limitations you will experience in pregnancy, the best I can. I'm not infallible on the subject, but I can phone one of my few remaining Watcher friends and ask him to speak to a physician on the Council and ask for additional information."

"They could help you? You don't work for them anymore."

"My friend does, and he'll do me a small favor like this. Even if he was reluctant to do so, it wouldn't matter. I'd find out whatever you need, and I'd help Riley to understand it. He and I have the same goal- to protect you and the - the baby." He still had trouble believing his girl, petite and often seeming so young herself, would soon be a mother.

"I might ask you to do that." _It depends on if Riley wants to try this again. But what was the word Giles just used? Opinionated? That's a good way to describe him. How come I never noticed that before?_

"Is there something else?" Giles was getting to be very good at telling when she had more to say, though often he was clueless at what those things were. She always kept him guessing.

This was no exception.

"Yeah, sort of. Actually yes. You're older. Experienced. Do you think pregnant women are a turn off? Sexually?" She managed to ask it with sincere curiosity, because it was, and somehow she managed to do it without a blush or a wince.

He blushed. He winced. He polished. "Every-" his usually resonant voice cracked, to his embarrassment and her amusement, "excuse me. Everyone's tastes are different."

"Typically though? Seriously, any insider male knowledge from a living human guy would be totally helpful."

 _Curses upon sacred duty_. His this time. It had made him listen to jazzercise tapes and perform endless SAT preps, in addition to the usual life and death situations. Now this. But sacred duty, even when embarrassing, mustn't be shirked. "In my limited experience, I don't know of anything that signifies a woman as unattractive during pregnancy. However, and this is important in understanding my answer, a pregnant woman is typically not available. Any decent man would not go salivating over a woman obviously in a committed, child-producing relationship."

 _Spike's not a decent man. But he also knew I wasn't in a committed relationship anymore. Or something. Okay, maybe committed but really sucky._

 _So am I glad he's evil right now? Or did I just prove my utter slutiness?_

Giles watched her posture change. Shrink. Her eyes were blinking rapidly, as if staving off tears. "Oh! Buffy, darling, you look beautiful as always! And yes, I imagine there will be the typical weight gain, varicose veins, swelling and water retention- but that can't hide your beauty. Many men consider their partners _especially_ beautiful during pregnancy. What could be more - more _pleasing_ to the evolutionary aspect of human males then to know that their chosen partner is carrying their child?" He patted her hand in his most reassuring manner.

Torn between two different trains of thought, she blurted, "What about guys who think a girl is pretty, even though they're not the dad, or the chosen partner?"

"Did someone 'hit on' you? I wouldn't be too harsh on the man for that, Buffy, since he has no outward way of knowing." He gestured to her still very un-pregnant looking body.

"What if he did know? You know! You still think I'm pretty, right?"

"Yes, naturally!" It was his turn to blink. "Are we about to have a very complicated conversation?" He was in no way prepared for this.

"Yes. Probably."

"I think that from the male perspective you are lovely, and no, the fact that you are expecting has not changed that. Nor will it, in my eyes. But Buffy, we have a very different relationship."

She stared. "I keep having weird sex conversations. First I thought Willow was offering, and now you think _I'm_ \- what exactly?"

"Confused? I am." He decided that he would skip his afternoon pot of tea and have an early cocktail hour at this rate.

"My fault." _Spike is right. I didn't talk when I needed to, and now every conversation has the backlash_. "Riley and I haven't been 'intimate' since he found out I was having a baby." Buffy made air quotes around the socially polite term.

"Oh. Oh? _Oh_!" Relief flooded him. Then anger. "Well, why the hell not? Silly, young -I'm sorry." He forced his voice back to calm, but saw the flicker of enjoyment in her eyes. "He's making you feel unattractive? When we have our talk, I can- well actually, I'm not sure I can easily work this topic in. It is a matter of preference. Or, to be fair, there may be changes that make him uncomfortable. There may be things I'm not aware of that he is."

"I went up a half cup size and I pee all the time." Buffy said bluntly.

His British resolve was being heavily drawn upon today. He remained straight faced as he replied, "In and of itself, neither of those things seem to warrant sexual abstinence or a dislike of amorous activities."

"Spike said that too."

British resolve be damned. "Spike knows? Spike knows about _this_? How much does he know?"

 _So much more than people give him credit for._ "Not a lot about pregnancy, actually. Victorian people didn't have sex ed classes, huh?"

Giles headed to the liquor cabinet. "Pardon me a moment. I'm suddenly very thirsty."

 _Great. Giles is boozing it up before sundown._ "Giles, I'm sorry. I … I don't… I'm not good at talking about stuff, but I have to get better at it. I need to be able to explain things better. No one is going to understand, and I started practice venting on Spike, and then Willow heard a message Riley left, and now I just needed some information and everything came out…"

Giles abandoned the bottle and glass, though he left them out and standing ready for service. "I will always listen. What is it? Simply. Plainly as you can."

She heaved a deep breath and when she exhaled, she let the painful words flow with the air. "I never loved Riley. I loved the idea of dating a nice, normal, good guy. And I think he loved this nice, normal good girl- who doesn't have a secret side that he can't cope with. He wants me to be something else, and I'm not anything else. I don't know if… if maybe he feels like I do?" She mused, face turning towards her mentor.

"How is that?"

"I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with this baby, though. Maybe he's not in love with me anymore, maybe he never really was, but he cares about the baby. We don't make love. He doesn't treat me like a girlfriend, he treats me like a mother. Even if he loves me like crazy, he doesn't show it how I need it. Maybe he's doing a great job for 'normal' girls, but I'm just not normal enough to appreciate it. I can't marry him. I can't even keep dating him, unless things change. I would change too, if there was something I could change that he wanted. Like, if he was all about brunettes, I'd try it. Wanted me to learn how to cook, or water ski, or find new hobbies together, I'd do it. But I don't think that's it. I think he wants me to stop being the Slayer, and I can't. I can't be _only_ Buffy anymore."

Silence fell. Hands squeezed across the table as they sat in the aftermath.

"What is very alluring and exciting in a partner at first, does not necessarily equate the things that will help the relationship survive. You were attracted to the normalcy he offered. You found out after several weeks of dating that he had a secret, but you accepted that, you had one of your own. He was attracted to the fact that he didn't have to conceal his demon hunting knowledge and activities from you, that you were a beautiful woman who could equal him on the field. When he stopped hunting, the fact that you still outperform him effortlessly no longer seems so desirable." Giles said quietly, letting the words seep into her as she sat with her head bowed. "Becoming a mother is something so natural, so unmistakably feminine." He swallowed. "He thought it would change you into what he wanted." Giles shook his head as she looked at him, questioning and self-doubt in her eyes. "He should have known, had he ever really known you at all, that you would be even more the warrior. A beautiful, feminine, natural warrior- with something so natural to fight for that they have a name for it. The 'maternal instinct'. You're already doing things to protect your child, Buffy. You're talking more eloquently and openly than ever, more than we have for most of last year. I like to think that we were always able to confide- awkwardly- but this is different. This is us- as grown ups." They shared a smile.

"I feel like I'm doing a terrible thing to my baby, by trying to break up with his father. I think that's where it's heading, because change isn't huge in Riley's vocabulary." Buffy said thickly, comforted by his words, but still scared of all the things that would come once she left this safe haven.

"You have excellent instincts about who to trust. Those instincts are not diminished they're heightened." Giles frowned. "You talked to Spike about your situation?"

"Mmhmm."

"Did he say or do anything surprising?"

She hoped her face didn't turn beet red as that question earned a host of explicit, "surprising" images. Taking her to bed and making it good, and making it a repeat performance, shocking.

But there was so much more. "He listened to me. Like, really listened, Giles. He said a lot of what you said, though way different words, and a lot more insulting and cursing. About me and Riley not really being a good fit, and probably haven't been for awhile now."

"Yes, I see. And anything else? Specifically about your pregnancy, or your child?"

She swallowed. The moments between them had somehow turned unexpectedly tender, intimate. Natural. Sharing them with others seemed wrong. She made her voice as casual as possible, but it still came out slightly strained, "He said he'd help me patrol if I wanted, stay out of my way but help if I got tired. And he did, the night at the Bronze. He said- he thought I'd be a good mom." Her voice was almost inaudible now. "He told me he wouldn't let Riley take the baby away."

Giles smiled as if receiving direct confirmation, proof. "Your instincts told you to talk to Spike, a former threat and still considered an enemy at times, though harmless. He offered you help and to protect the child. You did something no one would expect, and you gained an ally, from a source no one would expect. And your instincts about Riley?"

"I can't picture him helping me. I can picture him being a good dad and everything- just not helping _me_."

"And if he doesn't help the mother, the child is at risk." Giles said firmly. "Trust yourself. I know _I_ trust you."

* * *

They shared one of their infrequent hugs, and he did make a pot of tea after all.

Buffy finished her fourth cookie and the banana and milk he insisted she eat. She didn't actually mind the "nurturing". She was hungry. _Been burning off an unusual amount of calories. If stress burns calories, maybe I should just to come back later to empty his fridge._ "I should go. I told Riley to call me or find me and he's probably looking. If he's back."

"He hasn't called here yet so he must not be running through all his options yet." Giles soothed.

"Good. Because I really don't want to go."

Giles sat back down, beside her instead of across. "You look truly miserable." And that breaks my heart.

"I feel pretty miserable. Also scared. And a little nauseous, but I blame that on the last cookie."

"I can come with you." He offered, as he'd offered so many times before.

"No. I'd like that, but no. Some things you have to do alone." Buffy said with as much resolve as she could muster.

"You're not alone." Giles grinned gently. "You never will be again."

It made her stronger. Not less scared, just more determined to go through with it. She was a quiet blur, gathering her things and heading to the door, nodding to herself several times as she went.

"I'll give you a further history lesson later, Buffy." Giles halted her at the door. "But let me tell you the story of Nikki Wood, in brief, right now."

"Who?"

"The one other case of a Slayer being pregnant that _is_ a matter of official record."

Buffy's motions were no longer rapid, now just standing, listening, absorbing. "Go ahead."

"It was the 1970s. She became pregnant at seventeen, a few months before her eighteenth birthday." He could see by the sudden pinching of her face, widening of her eyes, that Buffy was already putting the next piece of the story in place. "Her Watcher- he was a colleague of my father's actually, didn't know she was pregnant when he started the process of preparations for the Cruciamentum. By the time he did know, the Council had already set up the test and she'd been given the drugs to make her weak and mildly disoriented." He hurried over that bit, Buffy's face turning dark.

"They couldn't wait?" Buffy spat angrily.

"It's a brutal and archaic practice. Well worth being removed from the Council over." Giles said with the same anger. "I don't know if her Watcher asked them to defer or not. I only know he didn't realize until he'd began giving her the drugs. In his journal he says she thought the pregnancy was making her ill, and that's what first alerted him."

"They weren't all close like us, huh?"

"They hadn't been paired as long." He smiled wanly. "Who knows if that would have made a difference?"

"So. Pregnant and taking the evil test where you feel like you can't even move. I don't see that ending well."

"Nikki Wood was triumphant." Giles' face transformed, retold triumph shining thorough him. "They only have her own words for what happened. She was corned by a very ugly specimen- I believe the Council favored hulking as well as vicious for these tests at the time. Wood said the vampire could smell it- 'that she had mixed her blood with that of another' to quote the journal."

"She must've been farther along than me." Buffy murmured, wondering when Spike would be able to tell that.

"Uh- I could look it up, but yes, she may have been." Giles raised his eyebrows.

"Never mind. What happened?"

"He had her corned against something wooden, he called her weak, and moved in for a killing bite. Nikki broke off a piece of the structure with her bare hands and slayed him, clean blow through the heart. She told Crowley- that was her Watcher's name, that she could not let him hurt her baby. She found strength. She had none of her own, none of her supernatural Slayer strength, but she managed to kill him. She had strength for her child. You will too."

* * *

Buffy prepared to have this discussion. Psyched herself up, tried to think of a concise opening statement, reassurances that she wasn't trying to hurt him, or prevent him from being an active father- and it all got blown to heck.

In the fading sun, that time when the sky isn't blue, it's gold before sunset, Buffy was crossing the campus in front of the library, and Riley's excited shout rang out across the grass, stopping her cold.

"Buffy! Buffy!"

He sounded so happy, so exuberant, she smiled reflexively. When she turned, he ran- no, loped, with those long legs and broad shoulders moving like a perfect military machine, and a jubilant smile on his boyish face. "This is perfect timing!"

"Yeah! I was- I was looking for you, too." Buffy's smile faltered, her voice wavered. He swooped her up in a bear hug, the most careless contact, the most of any sort of contact, they'd had in weeks. "Wow. Hi!"

"Oops." He sat her down, patting her belly apologetically. "Sorry, Rascal." He addressed her stomach, then beamed at her, erasing the scowl that was forming before it even reached her lips. "I missed you both so much. Ah. Good to be home."

It tugged at her. The joy. The obvious love. _What a sweet person. Sweet, oblivious person, but it's not his fault he doesn't see everything, right? I'm so good at hiding._ "I'm glad you're back." It wasn't a lie. She didn't say she had missed him, because sadly, she hadn't.

"Do you want to go eat? You should sit, you need to get off your feet. I have so much to tell you, and you had that thing you wanted to talk about." He pulled her gently by the elbow, and she followed him to a picnic table outside the library. Dozens of students walked by, laughing, talking, hand holding.

 _I'm just another piece of normal. Fitting in. Look at us. College sweethearts. Baby on the way. Sunny afternoon in the fall…_ Buffy cursed everything in her head that told her it wasn't enough.

 _In love with ideas. Ideas aren't really sustaining after awhile, especially if reality is so different._ "Here? In public?"

"Oh, the things I need to say aren't classified. And we're not exactly loud people." He plopped down with a laugh, and she sat across from him. He held onto her hands across the wooden table, and she let him, seemingly unable to pull away.

 _I'm not loud? Spike might argue about that. Focus_. "But yesterday was so classified you couldn't wait until four?" She didn't withdraw her hands, but her voice took on an edge.

"Hey, it was- well his name isn't one you'd recognize, but let's just say when he tells you to be someplace by five, you get there by five. They sent a chopper."

Buffy couldn't help but be impressed. "Whoa. And this was for- last year stuff?" That might be important. More demon catching programs? Here in her backyard?

"I've already been cleared and debriefed, but this was big. This was my official test for fitness for duty and reassignment." The broad grin left his face, replaced by a half- one much more weary. "You know how bad it feels when something is out of your hands, and you're just stuck waiting and waiting. This feels like someone took a bulldozer off my back."

"I do know that feeling. Totally. I'm happy for you." She smiled. She genuinely was happy, and as usual, empathetic. _Maybe we would have been having problems anyway. Waiting to find out if the most powerful military in the world thinks you're 'fit' or whatever- and wondering what might happen if you're not? That has to be one heck of a headache._

"I'm happy for us." He pulled out a small yellow envelope and slapped it proudly on the table. "Here it is."

"What is it?"

"My official clearance. I'm back on active duty, all my debriefing about the Initiative and what happened with Walsh and Adam is officially recognized, sealed, and taken off my record. As of this morning, I've been reassigned."

"Wow. That's huge. I didn't realize that was… hanging over you." Buffy reached out and rubbed his bicep. "I guess that was really distracting?" She gave voice to what she'd just realized. What he'd just said. How come he hadn't explained this before?

"I was afraid they'd use this to discharge me." He admitted heavily.

"Aww, Riley." Her voice softened, sweetened. "But that didn't happen. It's all okay now?"

"I have a month and then I'm deployed. I have to at least spend some of that time in Iowa. Oh my gosh, my parents are dying to meet you. We can do two weeks there, two weeks here."

 _Wait. What's happening? Iowa? Shipping out?_ "My - my courses. Th-the semester just started." Buffy sounded confused. _This was not how this conversation was supposed to go!_

"Oh, don't worry! The army will make sure that your credits transfer. I pretty much have any help and resources you can imagine right now, for myself and my family, after what I've seen."

"Well, I don't think I need to transfer credits for two weeks, I'm just saying, I can't miss that much time right now. I kinda have to save up for apocalypses- and the baby." _And I'm not going to Iowa. Even if we can reconcile things, try again, now isn't a good time to go away together to meet your family._

"Right. Apocalypse first, then we can think about the baby." His voice was suddenly sharp and hard.

"The baby isn't going to come during apocalypse season, okay? Unless it's seriously early."

"There's apocalypse 'season'?"

Buffy glared. "Yeah. Sadly, there seems to be. We live on a Hellmouth."

"Not for long."

"Riley-"

"This is your ticket to anywhere in the country, Buffy." He tapped the envelope. "My mission is going to be in Central America, a remote location without an established base. Because of my clearances and the status of this operation, they're going to let my family locate at any base- with available housing. There are some gorgeous places. My mom can tell you which ones she liked best, she was in at least fifteen different ones with Dad. Oh, but it's only for official relatives, blood or legal. As in wife and children. So the wedding is going to have to be moved up."

"Riley-"

"I know, I know, I haven't even asked your father's permission, I know it's not the huge wedding you deserve, but we can pull something together."

"Riley, I can't move to a different city!" Buffy finally burst out. A few dozen yards away a group playing frisbee stopped in mid-throw, and the plastic disk skittered on the sidewalk. Buffy lowered her voice. "I'm not going to move."

"I just said your credits would transfer!" He gave her an annoyed look.

"Yay for that. But Hellmouth. Slayer. Doesn't transfer, the job is _here_. There's no other branch. Well, Cleveland, but-"

The annoyance turned to impatience. "You're only going to be able to slay for a couple more months, our lives are more important than that! The baby is something you have to be responsible for for the next eighteen years!"

"If I don't stop the end of the world and the routine big bads, the baby is not going to make it to eighteen." Buffy hissed.

"If you keep trying to be some human secret weapon the baby is not going to make it to _birth_!" Riley warned.

"I am being careful! I have help, I have friends!"

"Every time you want to play Xena, Warrior Princess you put the baby at risk. You need to come with me. You need to take care of yourself, or if you won't let someone who actually loves you do it!"

"You are not in love with me. Not all of me." Buffy forced the words out. "I'm not marrying you. I'm not moving with you. I'm not- not in love with all of you, either."

Silence. Stunned silence, so much that it seemed to hurt physically, like it was pressing into their brains, crushing emptiness on their ears.

"Buffy…" Riley finally managed to choke out.

"I'm sorry, Riley. I- I don't know why I didn't say that right away. I didn't think, right away. When you asked me it seemed like I should say yes."

"But I noticed you never did. I started thinking, maybe Buffy just doesn't say the big things. Like, I love you, or yes, I'll marry you." Riley laughed bitterly, an edge of hysteria in his tone.

"Riley, please."

"So you were stringing me on?"

"No!" She dipped her head. "I hoped I _could_ say yes."

"Then say yes!"

"But I can't! You shouldn't marry someone just because you're having a child with them. My parents are living proof that staying together for a child is a bad idea. It just leads to divorce later."

"So you're planning our divorce before you're planning our wedding? Wow, Buffy. You know how to hurt a guy." Riley gaped, shaking his head slowly.

"Do you love me?" She demanded suddenly.

"Of course I do!"

"You love that I slay? That I am a Slayer? A cosmic oddball? That I have friends who I spend an obsessive amount of time with? That I cracked your ribs when we sparred the one and only time?" No answer. "Tell me what you love about me?"

"Your laugh. Your smile. The way you look. The way you care."

"Care about what?" _Name something. Name something I really care about, Riley._

"Everything! Passionately." He reached for her hand and gripped it.

"Then why don't you kiss me? Or sleep with me? We've held more during this conversation than we have in months."

"Hey, I … we have. Just not this week, but I've been a little busy."

"Try _seven_ weeks. Almost eight now."

"What do you want me to do? Sleep with you like some selfish jerk?"

"Since when is making love a selfish thing?" She squeaked. _Even Spike, Big Evil, is unselfish. And it's not making love. It was just sex, and it was… amazing. Giving. He gave me so much_. "It's not selfish to want to make love!"

"It is when you want it more than you want to keep the baby safe."

"I'm having this conversation again. I can't believe it." Buffy smacked her head. "Riley. Doctor said baby is safe. Sex is safe. Us having sex is safe, for everyone involved." She added significantly.

"Don't talk to me like I'm dumb, Buffy. You're the one who kept a really big secret from the doctor. Ms. Slayer."

"I kept a secret? Riley, like I could tell her that! Like she would've believed me!"

"So you can't trust her opinion, she doesn't know what you can do! You're some- wild thing. It's too rough."

He might as well have smacked her, for the sudden tears and red cheeks his words earned. "I'm too rough with you?" She swallowed. "Riley- I try- I _tried_ so hard, but I can do better."

"You're not too rough with _me_. I can take it." His honest nature flinched a little. That might not be entirely true, but he wouldn't admit it. "Baby probably can't take what you dish out. You don't have any self-control. Oh. I mean-" he watched the heartbroken look on her face replace with anger.

"Stop. Stop trying to unsay it. You mean I'm too rough. I play too hard. I am a freak, and I- I told you that. You didn't used to mind."

He sighed. "Sex with you is amazing. The way you're so into it, so passionate…"

She didn't reply. His words didn't ring true. _That doesn't sound like me. I haven't been, not since… not since after Faith. First it was uncomfortable, then it was because the L word was hanging over us, then it was the whole him trying to be stronger than me, me accidentally hurting him thing. He couldn't even tell. Not his fault, I tried not to let it show._

 _And with Spike- I let go, and baby is fine. I am passionate. I was, with him, once_. "I don't think it would be a problem."

"But why would you take a risk?" Again the tone that sounded like he was getting frustrated with her intelligence level.

"My life is kind of risky? I don't know, I'm not asking you to try to win some pounding of the year award. And this is more than just about sex, okay? I don't know how I ended up talking about this when it's not really that big of a deal anymore. I guess it was just the first clue to me that something wasn't right. It started with the obvious, physical, hard proof things, but there were all the other things, just waiting for me to see them."

" 'Other things'? That's what you lump everything else into? Like you not caring enough about the baby to stop slaying?"

"If I don't slay vampires and monsters, who will? Who's supposed to make this a safe world for our child? Who's supposed to make this a safe town? Who's supposed to stop my friends and family from getting vamped or turning into demon chow if I don't do my job, and _don't_ tell me someone else can. Faith is in prison, and until one of us dies, no new slayer gets called."

"I can patrol if you're really worried about it, but you never asked. I don't think you would be satisfied. You have to do it yourself. You could never stick with your squad, or follow Walsh's orders, or-"

"Walsh was a psychopath! I was the only one on my squad who could take out a demon without half a dozen people and mega equipment! Why do I have to be like everyone else when I'm different! Different Riley, I'm _different_ , and you want to treat me the same." Her voice had risen, and now it crashed, a sad, soft whisper. "You treat me like someone I'm not. Someone else. Someone I can't be."

When her voice turned soft, his turned hard. Angry. He didn't often feel angry. He had a good handle on his aggression and impulses, that positive and motivated spirit. But right now the girl he had planned to marry, the girl with his child, was accusing him of being a bad lover and being deluded enough to think he was in love with 'someone else'.

"So there's a 'real you'. Have I met her? Would you have let me get close to her?"

"She- I- _I've_ been here the entire time."

"But you don't really treat me like I'm welcome to know you, Buffy. When there's a problem, it's Scoobies first, Riley second. You run to your Watcher more than me. You - you talk to that Hostile more than me."

"They like the screwed up version of me. Or at least tolerate it, and they don't question it. They don't ask me to quit it, or change it. Those people know me for _who I am._ It's hard to let someone in when every time you try he points out something he wants you to fix."

"Wanting you to take care of yourself is not something you're supposed to mind!"

"I mind because you don't talk to me. You tell me. You order."

He snorted. "Buffy, no one on this planet can give you orders." _I hate that_. "This is not about you!"

 _Shouldn't it be? At least partly?_ "No, you['re right, it's about us!"

"Where I was raised, doing what's right for your kids matters more than doing what's convenient for you!"

"How is having a mom who's a fake good for any kid?"

" 'Cause at least she's not a _dead_ mom!"

"I'm going to die someday. We all are. Slayers die sooner. I can't help that. I can't change that."

"You don't even try!"

"Running away from something isn't trying!"

"And we're back to you again! Ms. Never-Say-Die."

"I thought you liked that about me- and hello, I already died once, and I came back."

"My child is not being raised by a supernatural freak." Riley's voice ripped out in anger before he had time to consider their impact.

Buffy slammed back, like a blow had landed in her chest. "Good thing it's not just your child, right? So I can actually raise my baby."

Riley inhaled and exhaled slowly. "I'm angry. I'm saying things I don't wanna say."

"But you think them. So maybe you should say them." Buffy bit her lip. They'd never argued like this. Never been mean, or insulting, or angry. _This is too important to blow._ "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" He had just been thinking that _he_ should apologize. Shouting and insulting- that was never how he'd been raised to treat a lady.

"I'm sorry I didn't fall in love. I did try."

"Yeah, well. I'm sorry I did." He rose suddenly. "I- I thought you'd be happy to leave. With me. You always say how your mom gives you a hard time, Giles is driving you crazy, you have no time to do the things you want. Picnics and drives and the mall."

She followed suit, rising. "I love those things. I love my friends and family, too, even though they make me crazy sometimes. I loved the idea that I found this sweet, nice man, with his own secrets that went nicely with my secrets. Mr. Normal but Not Boring. I thought I could have a chance to be normal again. Like I could borrow some of yours."

"Give me a chance, and I'll give you every chance you want. It doesn't have to be boring. I'm - I'm not trying to be boring, I've been trying to be safe! Be good to you." He reached for her cheek. "You have a big heart, and you give until it hurts. I've watched it. Watched you get hurt. I thought… well, I thought I'd do whatever I could to keep you safe and get you out of here."

Her hand mirrored his, touching the hard but smooth-skinned cheek. "You are one great big hero, Riley Finn. But I'm not the kind of girl you save."

* * *

It was easier than she'd thought to walk with him, not speaking. _We're good at not talking. Maybe that's why it was so easy all this time. And as long as we're not saying anything ugly but honest, we got to pretend._

"What are we going to do?" She whispered it. He shrugged. "We can't not do anything."

His forehead creased. _Saves the world. Talks like a thirteen year old sometimes._ "I don't know. You kinda threw this at me."

"Me? You came home with 'I'm moving to South America, pick a state, any state'." She pointed out.

"Central America." He corrected automatically.

"How long will you be gone?"

"Six months. Don't worry, we get leave for births and deaths. Other big life-altering events."

"And you leave in a month?"

"That was the plan."

" _Your_ plan."

"I get it, Buffy. God forbid I make plans for us. I thought you liked that."

"I do for date nights. Not for lives."

"I wanted unpredictable. I got it." He laughed hollowly.

"Then what?"

"According to you, I sucked at keeping it." He turned to her. "I knew I couldn't keep you. I was actually happy when you told me about the baby. I thought it would make us closer."

"You knew you couldn't keep me?"

"You need someone - different." _You need a monster. Another freak. I just have good connections. I can't let my kid grow up with a monster._ "My mom and dad are retired now. They'll take care of him. Or her."

"Wait, what?" Buffy stumbled and he caught her. "What do you mean 'take care of'? I'm the mom, and _I'm_ not shipping out!"

"You live on a Hellmouth. Most dangerous place in the world, you told me so, a couple times tonight, too." He used her words as ammunition. "This isn't a place for kids. My parents have thirty five acres of farm, another ten of woods and a pond. That's how you raise kids."

"Hello, grew up in LA? I thought cows were fictional creatures until I was six. There's plenty of ways to raise kids."

"I'm the father. You're not cutting me out!"

"I'm not! If you don't cut me out, either."

"You just told me you can't stop the fight, leave your 'job'. You're still in college. What's he going to do, sleep on your lap top and teethe on your stakes?"

"You're going to ship him out to the wilds of the cornfield and see him whenever you're on leave? A few weeks a year with you?"

"It's safer!"

"It's emptier! No child wants to grow up without a parent around!"

"If you'd be my wife, we wouldn't have this problem!"

"Well, I'm not, so we do!"

"Argh!"

"Double argh!" Buffy smacked his arm and then apologized as he winced and pulled protectively away. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"You try to braid her hair and you'll put it right out of her head." Riley looked at her with sudden horror.

"Newsflash. No, I won't. Second newsflash, the Slayer strength wasn't going to leave just because I moved. And speaking of moving- what the hell were you thinking!?"

"Now what?"

"You accepted that new- new mission thing-y and you didn't even talk to me about it? You were just going to go, leave your pregnant girlfriend or wife alone for six months?"

"We're talking international threats and innocent lives, Buffy."

"So am I! I just don't get pay and a uniform." She pouted.

 _Damn. Why does she make me so mad and still look so cute?_ "Maybe you need a union."

She half-smiled. "Maybe." _Okay, maturity, inner strength, think about what's best for the baby. Baby needs a mom_ and _dad. Baby needs adults, not angry animals, yelling at each other as they walk the same four blocks of sidewalk over and over._ "I know!" Buffy suddenly exclaimed.

"What?"

"Ask for another mission!"

"What?" This time it wasn't clarification, it was genuine puzzlement. "What are you saying?"

"I don't think we're going to be together. That sucks. No- Riley- it does. For me too." She swallowed the suddenly hard lump in her throat.

"You're making that decision, not me."

"You helped me make it, whether you want the credit or not." Buffy pushed the anger down, trying to find the maturity and inner strength stuff again. "I want you to have time with your- _our_ child. Both of us have dangerous lives, and we both made the baby."

Riley nodded tersely. "Joint custody?"

"Why do you have to go so far away? They have army bases in California, right?"

He groaned. "Buffy, this is the United States Special Forces! You don't get to look at a brochure and choose your mission!"

"But in June, when those guys came out to take care of the Initiative lab and remains and everything- you said they were giving you um- carte blanche. That means choices, right? Or is that ala carte?"

"They gave me choices about whether to go back to special forces, go to regular army, or an honorable discharge." Riley nodded. "In June. June is not now. I made my choice to stay in special forces."

Fighting down the urge to tell him that she also was really sick of being spoken to like she only had three functioning brain cells, Buffy took a deep breath. "Things changed. Can you ask, because of your impending fatherhood, to stay near us? You said they were giving you all the help and options you wanted."

"There isn't anything to do stateside but train new recruits and work on threats that require army unit activation- they're pretty rare."

"So you'd be safer!" Buffy pointed out, nodding. "That's what you want. Safer. Right?" He didn't say anything. "Oh. Safer for me. Not you?"

"I'm not pregnant, in case you didn't notice."

"You're still a parent. Or will be!"

"I'm a soldier, Buffy."

"I'm a Slayer, Riley. Not 'a'. _'The_ '. As in one in only. Well, Faith screws that up, but you get it. If you don't go to Central America, I bet they have someone else to help out, right? No one fills in for me."

"Being 'Chosen', that's a cosmic lottery draw." Riley shook his head stubbornly. He didn't see the nearly literal flames shooting from her eyes. "My grandfathers were army. My father is army. My brothers are army and one is a Navy Seal. Black sheep. Everyone's got one. This is who I am."

"And you can't give that up?"

"No!"

"At least you have the choice. And at least you have someone who's going to say 'Okay, Riley. I respect that. You could give it up, but it means too much to you, so you won't. That's cool with me.' Now, if you could be the nice, sweet, mature guy I was hoping I could learn to love, you'd look at me and say something like 'Buffy, I know you are a Slayer and you can't give it up, even if you want to. I know that most of the time you really wish you could, but you can't, and I respect you for sticking through the shitty, scary, supernatural crap you get thrown at you because of the cosmic lottery draw'."

He hesitated. "See? Passionate." He whispered.

"And did you notice how I didn't kick you in the shins for implying I'm an accident of the universe? Because guess what, buddy, they don't hand out the Slayer suit to anyone. Being Chosen means something, even if it does feel like getting in a car wreck. It means the universe looked through _all_ the other names in the hat, and said 'this chick can handle it'. Then they chose me."

 _Why did I have to fall in love with her? She sounds crazy. Maybe she is crazy. But she's right about handling whatever they throw at her._ "I wish you _were_ regular army." He didn't care if it made sense, he knew what he meant. Wished all that special played by the rules.

"Wish you didn't mind that I wasn't." She replied in the same wistful tone.

"Is this… we can't break up. We can't have a clean break."

"Do you want to work on embracing my risk-taking, Hellmouth-saving Slayer-ifficness?"

"You could come to Iowa with me for a couple weeks. You might like it there."

"We're not done working things out- not that we're going to work them out for us, but we'll have to work stuff out for him or her."

"Yeah. I know. We have to do what's best for our little guy. Speaking of which I think you should go to the campus health center. You should have your blood pressure checked after all this arguing and walking."

"Dude, I can walk you under the table. I just have to stop and pee all the time."

"You're more susceptible to bladder infections when you're pregnant, so frequent urination is actually a good thing."

She looked at him, dumbstruck, then laughed. Maybe cried a little with it. "You are going to be a really awesome dad. Whenever you're around."

"I'll think about missions closer to home after this." _Or more likely high risk, short duration ones that let me get home more often._ He patted her back. Pulled her in close, but let her push him away.

"I don't want comforting." _Not from you, weird as that is._

She might not need it. He did. _Thinking about this - telling everyone …_ "My parents are going to be so upset." He sighed at the red-streaked sky with the sprinkling of first stars.

"My mom will kill me."

"We could avoid all this?"

"No. We couldn't. We could just put it off until one of us snaps and then we could get a messy, expensive divorce. And our child could be miserable watching us break up, instead of happy knowing we both love him like crazy, in our respective, messed up, dangerous ways."

"You're not real big on change? Hoping we could learn to change, to make this work?"

 _Ha. That's rich, coming from him. But-_ "Why would I want us to change?" Buffy suddenly realized. "Not fair to either person, hoping they can learn to be something they're not."

 _Sometimes so stupid sounding, sometimes so stupid acting, and sometimes, just when you wish she'd try a bad idea- she's smart_. "If you ever change your mind…"

"No. Nope, don't do that. I did that. For Angel. Hoping he'd decide to pick me one day. It sucks. And it makes you end up hurting other people, people who never deserved it." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek impulsively. "That's for helping me get better. I'm sorry it wasn't something better for you, too."

"Yeah." It hurt. But men don't show the hurt, all the time. Not Finn men, anyway. "I got this out of it." He patted her belly in a possessive way that she didn't quite like, but he didn't really care. Touching it made him hurt less. "I still get to come to the ultrasounds, right? If I'm in town?"

"Sure."

"And the birth." _If they can reach me. I'll make sure she can reach me._

"Okay. Right, of course you'll be there."

"I won't be able to take you to childbirth classes."

"They have childbirth classes? Like, here? On campus?"

"At the doctor's or the hospital." _My child is doomed._

"Oh right. The breathing classes with the person who holds your hand and breathes with you. That's not for months. I'll find someone to take me."

"I wanted to be the coach." He sounded so disappointed.

"You get to be the dad. You can't have everything. We'll work things out- about - about the birth. Custody."

"You know more about that than I do." He shrugged.

"It's horrible. But you're going to do better than my dad, okay? He just- disappeared. A couple weekends, then boom. Gone. You're not going to do that."

"No, I will not." He swore. " I don't know how you survived that. I mean, my dad was deployed a lot, but we always knew what he was doing, and how much he wanted to be with us. We always did special things together when he came home.

"I- I had some other great guys in my life. Well, Giles." She smiled suddenly. _No one would replace Riley as a father, but Giles would help. And Xander._

 _And Spike._ Somehow his face joined the collage.

"This is my stop." Buffy paused before they made another loop. Her dorm was waiting a few feet away.

"You need to eat dinner. Let me walk you to the cafeteria."

"I'm not hungry right now."

"The baby needs to eat."

"I will eat, Riley. I will eat when I feel a little better." Buffy said in a concrete voice.

His voice unexpectedly matched it. "You better take care of the baby, even when I'm not around."

"I will!"

"Make. _Sure_." He said, something harsh under his already hard voice that made Buffy recoil slightly.

They locked eyes, both somewhat shocked.

What you would do for your child, Buffy thought. _For every mama bear defending her cub, there's a papa bear going to do the same thing._

 _What happens if mama and papa aren't exactly a united front?_

"I'll take care of it. And you'd better make sure you let me do it. _My_ way. You help in your way, and I'll help in mine."

* * *

 _To be continued…_


	7. Chapter 7

**Ready**

 **by Sweetprincipale**

 _AU early season 5. Riley and Buffy are still together and something big happened over the summer- a little bundle of joy is on the way. Buffy is not so joyful about how Riley is now treating her. She's ready to be seen as the Slayer and woman she still is, and Spike doesn't object to lending a hand (or other parts)._

 _Author's Note: Joyce is around and healthy, but Dawn has not entered, nor Glory. Probably because if this were a show, the entire season would be devoted to this story arc, not the Glory one._

 _Author's Second Note: There is smuttiness here, including, but not focusing on, one partner being pregnant during the smut. If this offends thee, read not the piece :)_

 _Dedicated to: Ginar369,_ _AGriffinWriter_ _, Illusera,_ _omslagspapper_ _, stuff'n'nnonsense,_ _Jackiemack916_ _, lil-leti, nrdhrd3, Rihannon, Ginger0826, Slaymesoftly,_ _Cloongarvin_ _, rofan1976,, bellebellel, Vivih88, KyanaM, and Notashamedtobe._

 _Nothing of Buffy belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._

 **Part VII**

"Hey, Buffy, I got your message. Absolutely, tonight we'll meet up. Hi, Munchkin! Daddy can't wait to see you, too!"

Buffy sniffled as she erased the first message, obviously left before their meeting. "Don't worry. You'll still see him." She addressed her passenger. "A lot. As much as he's home, anyway, okay? Munchkin. That's cute. Unless you're short- I mean, short as an adult, not as a baby. Obviously you're allowed to be short then. Sorry. Mommy rambles when she's nervous."

 _Oh my God. Mommy._ Mommy. _That's me._

She sat down heavily and listened to the next of four messages. "Buffy, are you okay?" Willow's anxious little voice popped out of the receiver. Buffy smiled. She could picture the big worried eyes, the frantic, half-hidden hand motions that accompanied any nervous phone call/discussion Willow had to have. "Is he back? Did you talk? Can you call me? But not before five because I have to help out at the computer lab. Well, I don't _have_ to, but my professor asked if I would and- what, Sweetie? Oh, Tara says I'm rambling. After five, can you call me? Or I can come over. Love you. Bye."

"Hear that? Auntie Willow rambles too. Maybe it's a 'family trait'." She glanced at the clock. It was well after five now, but Buffy just didn't want to deal with the repetition of the story yet. And the questions. So many questions. She hoped the next call was not from her mother.

Hope was satisfied. "Buffy? A Council-affiliated physician is sending an 'attachment' to my email. Yes, I do have one. I-hrm- may need some help opening the file, I didn't really pay attention when Willow explained attachments or 'downloads'." She heard the snippy little mutter between phrases and laughed quietly. Poor Giles. Give him something written before the Roman Empire got started and he'd be just fine. Ask him to search the web and pain and panic ensued. "I hope things went well as could be expected with Riley. Regardless- uh-hm, if he wishes to discuss the biological mechanics of your pregnancy- from the standpoint of a slayer, that is- he can contact me. Yes, well, that's all for now. Goodnight."

 _This one_ has _to be Mom. Because she has an sixth sense about when my guilt-o-meter is already at dangerous levels and she likes to hit the overload button…_

Xander's voice crackled out, loud and indignant. "What in the name of manhood am I hearing from Willow? Riley isn't 'into you' anymore?"

"Oh God." Buffy muttered, hand going to her forehead. "Why?"

"She said I'm not allowed to tell you she told me, but I'm bypassing the code of best friendship - so I can honor _our_ code of best friendship. Wait… Never mind why! I just- that's whack. And if he is making you feel fat and unattractive, or unsexy- Will's words, not mine!- I wanted to say it's not cool and I'm on your side. Riley's a nice guy, but maybe he suffered some kinda head trauma in all the black ops stuff. Because, honest, you're hot. Really hot. Pregnant or not, representing the man club, I wanted to say, I know guys think you're gorgeous. I- Oh hi Ahn."

"More oh God…" Buffy moaned, shaking her head, unsure whether to laugh or scream. She could hear muffled conversations- and maybe the sound of a slap. Then Anya's cheerful voice came on. "As a confident girlfriend, I wanted to offer my opinion. You are still sexually attractive to males. I really like that you've been using the straightener on your hair, and I think that the trend of empire waists in maternity wear will emphasize your growing yet proportionate bust. Xander says- what, honey? Xander says call us back and if you want pizza to come over. I believe the phrase we're supposed to use is 'we're here for you'."

"Wow." Buffy dropped the phone with weary fingers. _I have good friends. Crazy friends. I love my friends._

 _I so do not want to talk to my friends right now. Or Mom. No way do I need to talk to Riley again tonight._

 _So tired. Like I ran two marathons. Emotional marathons, maybe. New levels of tired. And hungry. Free pizza awaits at Xander's…_

Buffy put her shoes back on and pulled on a jacket, not for the weather, but for the weapons inside it, and headed out.

She had no intention of going to Xander's.

* * *

He had gone through an entire pack since waking up around sunset, and was considering starting a second one when she pounded on his door. He stomped out the last of the burning ash with a relieved noise in his throat and rushed to let her in.

"I've been worried sick!" Spike exclaimed by way of welcome.

Buffy gaped. "What?"

 _Oh bugger. Casual. S'posed to act casual. No reason to act otherwise._ "I… I dunno! I don't trust those army boys, okay? When I didn't see you all day, I worried. That's all." He assumed an air of nonchalance but it was a bit late for that.

"I can kick Riley's butt, okay?" She smiled slightly.

"I could, too. Once." He gestured to his temple significantly. "He couldn't have taken me alone, but he had a ruddy platoon."

 _Would he do that to me? Not while carrying this baby. Not after either._ "Riley's a decent guy. At least to humans." Buffy informed him.

"Yeah. Decent guy to others like him." _You're different, Luv, much as you try to fool yourself, much as you let him be fooled._

"Look, we both want to do the right thing for our child, okay? That gives us enough in common to make things work." _I hope._

 _Make things work. Workin' it out, are they? An' what am I, just a workout of a different sort, a little bit on the side?_ "Glad it's all patched up." Spike smirked, not showing any genuine emotion. An evil to semi-evil crooked grin was a safe backup.

"It was horrible. Messy. Oh God- we were flipping out on each other in the middle of campus." She sat down on his chair, head in her hands, reliving the rage and the frustration. _Calm down. Over for now._ She took a deep breath and gagged and coughed immediately. "Spike! God, are you trying to see if the undead can get lung cancer after all?" She noticed all the butts surrounding her feet.

"I smoke when I'm- antsy."

"You should try yoga. You're flexible enough." She coughed again.

"Thanks, Luv. Not exactly into leotards and tights."

"Tai chi, then!" _I can't survive this much second hand smoke, geez!_ "That's not yoga, Angel used to do it and he wore-"

"All right, Slayer, I'm done. I don't fancy hearing about all the 'loves of your life' right now." He spat with sudden acidity.

Buffy stood up, stung. Spike knew she wasn't in love with anyone now, past or present men included. "Sorry! I wasn't trying to talk about them, I was just getting lightheaded from the fumes. I'll go if you want."

 _Damn. I liked - I liked being over here, with him. Just coming to see him. I thought… I don't know what I thought, I thought it was going to last. Not in a relationship way, in a "sort of a friend" way._ The shrinking, 'something is wrong with me, I can't be happy with a guy- even in a non-relationship way' feeling was scraping at her insides, making her wince on the outside.

She didn't notice he was wincing, too. "Don't really think I'm needed, am I Slayer?" He spat. _I'm not gonna wait for you to get away from him to come and fuck me._

 _Though what she has is pretty well worth it._

 _No. Nothing gets fixed if you keep breaking it behind someone's back. I'm unliving proof of that._

"Whatever you say, Spike. You asked me to come over and tell you, so I told you."

"Yeah, you did. G'night, Slayer. Congrats on 'working it out'. Hope you two'll be awfully happy." _Livin' a lie. Expecting me to play dumb if we run into each other…_

Buffy paused halfway to the door. "Working things out _for the baby_ , Spike. Like- custody and if he's going to make it home for the birth. Riley's leaving town, and I'm not going with him. I want to stay and he doesn't. I don't want to change, and I don't want to ask him to change- well, not after I thought about it. I really don't want him involved, 'cause I know he's going to be mega-interfering, but I'm one of the 'good guys' and I think this must be a good guy thing, where you put the tiny innocent life first, even though it's probably going to cause a lot of emotional pain and long-distance phone calls filled with arguing."

"But you said you were working it out." Spike repeated dumbly.

"Working it out. As in parenting stuff. Not couple stuff." Buffy watched him move towards her, and she turned to him.

"Oh." If vampire's could blush, he might've been. He looked somewhat ill at ease, even embarrassed.

 _Spike has some kind of principles. He didn't want to move things along if he thought I was trying to fix things with Riley. Total misunderstanding and he just got it._ "Do you still want me to go?" She asked softly.

"No." Spike's voice was muffled. "Not if you don't want to head out, that is."

Buffy swallowed. Things were rough. Confusing. Exhausting. She wasn't in the mood to burn energy or take out anger right now. She wasn't even in the mood to talk, and she didn't know why she'd come over here, except because she promised she would. She wanted to, just a simple want she hadn't overthought. "I- um- I'm not in the mood to do- to do what we did last night."

"That's fine." Spike said quickly. "Doesn't mean you have to go."

"Really?"

"Even vamps don't do it every single night, Slayer." _We could, we just don't_ have _to. Sure we want to. I wanted a lot of things I didn't get._ At the moment he didn't know how Buffy fit into that category.

"I'm not really in the mood to talk, either." _I'm sounding more like bad company every second._

"Okay. What are you in the mood for? Help me out, Slayer."

"Waffles." Buffy said, shocking them both.

"Waffles. Where the bloody hell do you get waffles at this time of night? Aren't waffles a breakfast item?"

"Diners." Buffy sighed. "I didn't eat dinner yet. Talking with Riley and him trying to force feed me calories made me kinda lose my appetite. Until now. And I didn't know I wanted waffles until I said it. Weird. Guess it's part of 'cravings'."

"Cravings? Oh, cravings, pickles, ice cream. Seen it on telly."

"Well, apparently for me it's waffles. With a _lot_ of syrup."

"An' that's what you want?"

"Sadly, yes. My entire crappy evening seems like it could be magically better if someone let me eat a big plate of waffles. And maybe bacon."

Spike nodded slowly. "Let me get my keys."

"Where are you going?"

"To the diner to get you the effin' waffles you need, idiot." He fished into his duster, put it on as he jangled the keys through his sleeve.

Buffy tilted her head quizzically. "Are you- taking me out?"

"I don't have any waffles in _here_." He gestured to the stone surroundings. "Gotta take you out to get some, unless you know a waffle delivery service. Although, gotta say, even if you do, they're not gonna show. I was tempted to call for Chinese once and then realized no one delivers to a cemetery. Not in this town, anyway."

Her head was spinning with the surreal conversation. Surreal _day_. _I broke up with Riley. We didn't kill each other. I avoided all my friends because of the potential for awkward painful conversations, and came to Spike because I thought I owed him one. Now I don't want to talk, or have sex, or do anything but eat waffles, and Spike- doesn't question that. He just says, "Let me get my keys."_ "You're not paying, right?"

"Hell, no, I'm not payin'! I barely have enough to get by on, I don't make enough to support waffle cravings." _I guess I could. If I had to. Kid has to eat. What's Slayer live off of? Mum, Dad?_ "Army boy's gonna pay for your upkeep, right?"

"Huh? Oh, no. No, he doesn't owe me anything." Buffy said quickly.

"But the baby, it's half his!"

"That's different. I know he'll help out, we just haven't talked about it. I - I can't talk about everything at once. I just- I just want to talk about nothing. Not talk." She hastily brushed her hair out of her eyes, a pretense for making sure no tattletale tears overflowed.

"Just eat." Spike murmured. "Not talk. I can do that. We gonna walk, or we gonna drive? Don't know where this diner is."

"Does your car stink like this?"

"No, an' this'll air out in a bit. I'm not in the habit of going through a pack a day. Those things cost." _If you don't steal 'em._

"Sorry you were antsy."

"Don't have to apologize, Slayer. I think your day may have been worse than mine." His voice was heavy with sarcasm.

"Maybe." _Yes. Definitely. But not talking about it now_. "It's not too far, but I'd rather drive. I walked a lot today."

 _Slayer metabolism, strength, and energy that not even carryin' a bun in her oven can slow down. So today was a really shitty day for her._ "I'll leave the tip." Spike opened the crypt door for her.

* * *

"I never asked for seconds at a restaurant before." Buffy watched the waitress put down a second stack of thick golden-brown waffles in front of her.

"Me, either." He wasn't planning to, either, enjoying his barely cooked, rare steak with eggs. "So all diners serve breakfast at odd hours?"

"All the ones in college towns, I guess." Buffy buttered her waffles eagerly. "Drunk people seem to like unpredictable food, you know? Breakfast at midnight?"

"You still think you'll be eating at midnight?" He didn't know whether to be worried or impressed.

"No, but I'm not drunk either."

"I can fix that for you if you- oh. Never mind."

"Thanks. I don't drink anyway." Buffy gave him a weak smile. "Riley would probably have a cow right now anyway, without the alcohol. If he saw how much syrup I was using."

"Why, is it alcoholic syrup?" Spike took the little carafe from her hand and sniffed it.

"No, just wanted me to watch my sugars. Eat super healthy. Eat enough calories. That part I have covered."

"Sounds like a control freak, Pet." Spike muttered darkly. "You wanna watch them- though I guess that's your type. Angel. Tin Soldier."

"Angel was never- controlling." _Just a little overly decisive._ "Anyway, that's my _ex-_ type. The only new love in my life is going to be short, bald, and wear diapers."

"Sounds like a businessman I caught Dru with once." Spike said thoughtfully.

Buffy spluttered, spitting orange juice back into her glass. "Spike!"

"Sorry!"

"Not while I'm eating." She wiped her mouth. "I meant the baby, and you know it."

"I know it. But it was nice to hear you laugh."

"That was choking."

"It was both."

A subtle smile. "Maybe."

"Mmhm." He leaned back and let her finish in silence.

* * *

 _Well. She talked some by the second helping._

 _Why do I care if she talks? Why am I doin' this anyway? Although the steak isn't bad and it's been years since I had fried eggs._

"Full? Spike asked after a bit.

"Full enough. I think some of it's stress eating."

"That's a thing, huh?"

"Maybe not for vamps." She whispered. Then burped delicately. "Oh my gosh. Sorry!"

"Trust me. It's okay. I've heard- an' done- worse." _Strange little thing. Gets all hung up over her table manners, but I've had her bent backwards, spread open, seen her screamin' angry an' tearful._ That was nagging, uncomfortably deep for someone who was supposed to be kept on the periphery of friendship, someplace between "useful at times" and "not quite enemies". "Settle up. I'll take you back to the dorms."

* * *

"Do you always park in the same spot? The old caretaker shed?"

"Yeah, no one uses it anymore." Spike prepared to turn past Restfield.

"Can you park there, then?"

What about your dorm?"

"Oh. I can walk over."

He heard her swallow and her heart rate seemed to speed up a bit. "Thought you didn't feel like walkin'."

"I feel a little better."

There was a pause. "No need to rush off."

"Thanks." The heartbeat evened out.

* * *

It was unspoken and easy to follow him down to the lower level, but even so, he said, "You can lay down if you're knackered, Luv."

She knew he meant that. Just to rest, not that her using his bed meant she had to do anything besides rest. She slid her shoes and coat off gratefully. Her eyes closed almost instantly. They flew open when she heard the rustle beside her, the thunk of heavy boots kicked off.

 _It's his bed. Of course he's going to sleep in it._ Her stomach crunched uncomfortably, a mix of nerves and instinctual responses to being near him again. _But I can't._

 _Which is so stupid, because now I'm officially broken up with Riley and I am "free" to sleep with anyone I want. But two nights in a row before, sex. Lots of it._

 _And it was nice._

 _I don't deserve nice right now? That doesn't sound right, and it's not right._

Nothing _is right._

Sobs broke out. Literally escaped her, she had no idea they were coming, and then they were there, hard, gasping ones that shocked her. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I should go, oh- Oh God, I'm sorry." She was scrambling up, apologizing to him, but really apologizing to the world around her, for not being able to juggle all the craziness like a "hero" should.

He was holding her back. "Slayer! Slayer, stop running, come here." Spike caught her around the middle and then quickly released her torso, reaching for her shoulders again.

"I don't want to." Buffy shook her head frantically.

"I don't want you to do anything but- but stay still." _Stay here. Stay with me. No, not that, just stay._ "You're not s'posed to run off miserable."

Buffy let herself be lead back to the mattress, head on a pillow, eyes overflowing. _This is so not something Spike should see. Or hear. Spike is- is quiet when I least expect it. Least expect it, need it most?_

He didn't ask her what was wrong, or ask her to talk, or to stop.

"Why aren't you talking?" She whispered thickly.

"I didn't think I needed to say anything." It would be familiar, and tempting, to pull a sobbing woman into his arms and start offering comfort. He'd done it plenty of times with Drusilla, though the madness in her was quick to make sobs one minute turn into giggling fits the next.

 _Maybe I'll be better at coping with the mood changes than I thought._

"I don't know why I- I'm losing it around you. _Now_. I held it together all day. Mostly."

"That's prob'ly why, don't you think? Time to crash."

"I'm not big on 'crashing' in front of people. Certain people." _Guys really. Angel and I- so much emotion, and when Angelus popped out, using all those shared moments- ooh, talk about twisting the knife. Riley? Missing any really deep emotion on my part, and obliviousness on his parts equals unleashing in private, on patrol, and on unsuspecting ice cream containers. And, now apparently that list includes Spike, even though he's a guy, too._

Spike scoffed, "Don't know why you'd think I'm one of the 'certain' people you have to keep up the front with. I knew you were superhuman, Luv. Equal parts super an' _human._ Never pretended you weren't, the human is where you get the living bit." His voice got involuntarily softer. "Love the living things…" His hand was tempted to reach for her new little life and give it a stroke, but he stopped himself.

His words provoked a slight lifting of her cheeks and a little light coming back into her eyes. "Even the hysterical part? With sudden tears? And seriously compressed bladders?"

"Yeah. Even with that." His grip on her increased, subtly, pulling her back, and this time she yielded. "I don't have tissues. I have some shirts I've been meanin' to throw out if you need a hanky."

"I think… I think I might be done now. Crying." She said.

"Good." He was relieved. Tears confused him. Her tears. There had been a time when he's seen her all helpless and tearful and it- he had to control a surge of evil lust, not sexual lust. It did things to him. But that's when she was just another Slayer. Not Buffy. Not too aware of the human under the super. "Gonna sleep now?"

"Mmhm. I think so."

* * *

She thought wrong. He'd suspected as much.

"You know how he stood me up?"

 _So it starts._ "Remember that, yeah."

"He went to get re- re- something or other. Cleared again. For duty. Active missions."

"Actual missions through the army, or more mad scientist shit?"

"I- I think just the army." _He never really said._ "Central America."

"Nice place. Bright colors. Spicy food. Thick, hot blood." _Damn. Hungry again._

"He's going someplace without a permanent military base. So his idea," she had to swallow down incredulous anger, "was that he and I could get married sometime this month before he leaves, and then I could go to any army base in the country. Any one that had an available space open. But pick up and move, now, this month! Just _leave_. Mom. My friends. The Hellmouth. My college career, pitiful as it is."

Spike sat up to stare down at her. "Head's up his ass."

A deep, thankful sigh. "Exactly." _It saves so much painful explanation when the person you're talking to gets that._

"You told him to eff off, right?"

"More like 'ship off', but in a nice way. Not his fault that we didn't work out. Not _all_ his fault. I call a fifty-fifty split, with him earning extra percentage points lately." Buffy spread her hands.

"Very decent. Generous, even."

"How'd you like to be with someone who didn't really love you with their whole heart?" Buffy pointed out.

 _I was._ Her words made a sudden sharp wound in his heart and brain. "He didn't mind it, did he?" I _didn't. As long as she was around. You'd take her love, broken or missing pieces- maybe even missing altogether- as long as you had her, and had hope one day you'd make it better. That she'd love you all the way._ The wound was opening, just when he thought he'd learned a lesson, that it was only a memory, not worth more pain. _Dammit, now I have some kinda 'sympathy' for the bastard._ "It's not anyone's first choice." Spike scowled and grunted out finally. "But maybe you think it's your best one."

"Probably where his mind was." Buffy sighed. "Which I feel so bad about! I- I think he hoped it would just take more time, and this baby would buy it for us." Buffy admitted.

"You wouldn't play along. You've had longer to get used to the bad truths still bein' truths. Some things you don't change." _Even if they hurt._

"I wanted him to. He wanted me to. That's not good. I mean, if someone _wants_ to change, I'm not going to stop them! I just shouldn't be the one to _force_ it."

It occurred to Spike that he could easily see Riley using force. If he considered it an action for the greater good. His gut gave a twisting lurch. "Slayer, is he still leavin' soon?"

"Yeah. Without me, like I said."

"When he comes back- what's he want from you? In terms of his 'fatherly rights'?" Another uncomfortable feeling. That Riley would have certain ideas in his head, _his_ rights, and they'd be the only ones he cared about. _Thank God she's a fighter, or she'd be dead in the water already._

"Oh, you won't even believe it. His family lives in Iowa."

"I remember that. You liked the big cornfed type." _Not narrow in the chest and hips like me._

"I like proportionate." Buffy frowned at him, as if hearing his inner thoughts and his silent criticizing the body she now thought was incredible. _Top and bottom half, both way incredible, oh God…_

"Uh- what about Iowa, Slayer?" _She just gave me the look. Remembering what's under the clothes._ He found himself unthinkingly returning the look, despite trying to stay on track.

"He wanted the baby to go live in Iowa! Not even with him, with his parents!"

"He's not gonna be around much?"

"The missions he's going on- they're not exactly local. And I asked him to think about local! I was trying to keep it so he was included- feeling already bad that he's not more included, and it was my decision."

"You didn't make it on your own, Slayer."

"Whatever. I tried."

"No dice?"

"No dice, no pieces, not even a game board." Buffy rolled onto her side, facing him now, and six inches closer. _Ooh. That's a lot closer_. "The army is in his blood. He can't give it up."

"But you can give up slaying? Pillock." He snorted derisively.

 _I could so kiss him right now. If he says anything else more completely perfect, I_ will _kiss him._

"So, he can't give up a _job_ , but your sacred fuckin' higher calling that can only be removed with _death_ , that's somethin' you just throw off? Pack up and head to some base? What the hell did he learn in that Initiative? Learned about demons, why not the only natural enemy we have?" His mind boggled.

Spike felt himself suddenly sinking hard into the plush covers, her warm body crushing him down in a fully unexpected, completely heated kiss. "Whoa- Wh- I thought you weren't in the mood!" Spike protested, trying to talk around her lips before eagerly attempting to return the embrace.

"I'm not! But you- this is going to sound wrong, but you're saying a lot of really perfect stuff!" _And after a guy who says nearly everything wrong, oh man. It's a big turn on._

"Are you- sure you're not in the mood?" Spike felt himself get hard under the wet warmth he could feel pressing to him as she sat herself up and attempted to roll off of him.

"I… I'm not teasing, you know I got the message, you don't like being teased. I'm just not sure."

 _An' she thinks that's not a tease. Even though it's true, it's_ still _a bloody tease._ "Could you tell your body not to make moves on mine, then? At least until you _are_ sure? I get your head's not where you want it, but your pussy's damn close to where _I'd_ want it." He winced. "Sorry. I'm still demon, still man, too, if you're not picky about breathing."

"Really sorry!" And she genuinely was. She didn't even mind the incredible crassness. Probably because she had some of the same feelings. _And it's Spike. Spike who has incredibly nice sides along with the potty mouth._

"No worries." _I need a smoke. Or_ somethin'. _Distraction would be good._ _Keep talking._ He was curious anyway. "He's not quittin' and so he wants the little one shipped off, too?"

"I get his point. I'm not giving up my dangerous 'job', and I'm still in school. I don't have my own place and his family has a big, sprawling farm or something. My mom's house is literally in the worst neighborhood on the planet. A Hellmouth."

"Hey, least it's not Cleveland. An' you know, with you around, it seems pretty nice a lot of the time." _An' if that Hellmouth rep is gonna give him fuel to take the kid away, I can pull some patrols of my own. She wouldn't care, not if it was for the kid. Use some muscle. Keep the body count down._ "Keeping the White Hats in the lead, we can do that. Not like he's likely to win any arguments about sweet little college burg vs. empty acreage, unless he can tell a judge about the dark supernatural secrets of Sunnyhell." He smiled. "Then you're looking at junior visiting him in the psych unit, Luv."

She didn't return the smile. "I don't want that to happen. I don't even want to go to court. I- I'm going to ask Willow to research it for me. I know I should do it myself, but I can't risk screwing up anything this major, and she's the best at finding out anything you could ever need to know. There's got to be some kind of non-court custody or visitation agreement he and I can make. I know this is not the best place to raise a child, but having no parent around at all? No. No, I'm _not_ letting that happen."

"Easy, easy." The blades in her voice, the rigid spine, and the racing heart startled him into soothing her down. "I already told you, I'd help. An' if _I'll_ help, you know the rest of your lot will. You've saved the world enough times, Slayer, you can work with one idiot with control issues. He's not evil." _Not as good as she thinks, not even as good as_ he _thinks, but he's not evil._

Buffy slowly forced herself to calm back down. She'd been doing that a lot tonight. "Thank you. I'm good. I feel better. Um. You're right. I talked to Giles today. He was on my side."

"Watcher's no fool." Spike laughed drily.

"I know Willow and Tara will understand. Xander- ugh, he really liked Riley."

"He doesn't like him more than you, Luv."

"Good point. And Anya, I'm not worried about her either."

There was a large gap in her list. "Your mum?"

 _Insightful vampire_. _Oddly comforting, sometimes super irritating_. "I think one of the reasons she didn't freak out about her nineteen year old daughter being pregnant out of wedlock was because she thought the wedlock would happen pretty quick. Riley is an awesome son-in-law on paper. And not too shabby in reality, I guess."

"You'll find another one, if you want one." Spike said confidently. "If you want a man, no shortage of volunteers, I'm sure." He concluded with a shrug, looking at her from the corner of his eye.

"She's not going to want me to just pick a random guy so the baby has a dad around!" Buffy threw her hands up in the air. Spike gave her a conceited smirk. "Oh."

"My point. She'll deal. Mention her grandchild could get whisked off to the heartlands and she'll be on your side. Ax and all." He rubbed his head with a wince. "She's a mum, too, remember? She'll defend her cub, an' yours."

 _Maternal instinct. Mama bears and papa bears. Vampire bears?_ She looked at Spike quizzically. "Where'd you learn all this stuff?"

"Century of people watching, and two years of soaps." Spike grinned. The grin faded. "I had a mum. Remember?" His voice turned raspy. "They'll forgive you anything. In time. In time."

Buffy nodded slowly, his faraway voice somehow bringing her closer to him. "Everything's about time…" _Not enough time to fall in love, enough time to get over the love I used to have, enough time for people to forgive me if I disappoint them, enough time for the father, enough time for the mother. And in very little time, that seems like a long time, my life is going to change no matter what anyone does or what else happens._ She ran a hand along her torso.

 _Everything is pulling on me, and I need more time. No, I need time to stop. Freeze._

"Not ready for all of this." Buffy gasped out, startling them both.

Well, everything about her had been unexpected from the beginning. This "anger management shagging" was the peak of unexpected. The way he got wrapped up in the fall out of her life was something he wasn't ready for either. Not this feeling. Being close. Wanting her to be okay. To be around.

"I know. It's gonna be okay." Spike's words didn't seem hollowly comforting, unlike his clumsy original "there, there" comments to the stressed out slayer. "Don't think- in our world- that we ever get too much warnin' or time to prep, an' you still come out aces, Slayer."

She nodded, lips clamped. _I will not cry. I will not hyperventilate. I will be in control. I am the Slayer. I can handle this._

"You do your best work under pressure. I've seen it." Spike's voice was a whisper, and he turned on his side, facing her. His hand tentatively reached out and rubbed her arm.

"Thanks, Spike." She managed a tremulous smile through her fiercely controlled emotions.

"Here to help, Luv." He felt his touch going slower, moving up higher, cupping her face, though he knew he probably shouldn't. _Girl's not sure._

 _Oi. Are_ you _sure?_ His inner voice jolted sharply into his brain, penetrating through the haze of sensation that came from touching a warm, soft body, feeling her breathing and pulse rising ever so slightly in response to him. _You do this now, it won't be to take her edge off. It's gonna be different. You feel it. You want to hold her this time. Want her to snuggle down on your chest and you stroke her hair._

That hair. He fondled a handful of it, hearing himself whispering, "Be all right, Slayer. It'll be all right."

 _You want her to want you. Not the way she has been. This is different and you're going in headlong. Weren't you listening? Not. Ready._ The warning voice in his head was getting louder, but it was drowned out in her. She wasn't particularly loud, the little gulp of her single swallow, the rustle of fabric on fabric as she slid an inch or so closer and tilted her head into his hand.

"Not ready." Words popped out of him, leaving them both halted in mid-grasp, mid-reach. "I- dammit. I don't mean to push you." He was trying to get his hand off. Why was that honey silk of hers like some kind of webbing right now? Ensnaring. Like the green muted glint in her eye.

 _The only thing_ not _pushing on me- is Spike. He's outside of everything, but right there in it, too. But not pushing. He's like a safety zone. I want to be someplace safe, where I'm still not the helpless female, or just the little mother needing protection. Safety zone because I'm just safe, the way I am, and this is my break. No pushing exists in here. Eve time seems to slow down._ "Wanting is different than pushing." Buffy whispered.

It was his turn to swallow. Saying "I want you" was a little too raw right now, for some reason. He had to restrict himself to a nod. His hand betrayed him, gripping down on her shoulder. _Stay. Come to me. Dammit,_ why?

She scooted in. _It's safe. It's going to feel good, if you let him make you feel all those things you felt before._

 _I don't need the pleasure. I need…_

And nothing would finish the sentence. So many things to need, to fix, and all she wanted was a break from thinking of them.

 _Can't say I need._ Frozen a few inches too far away.

 _Can't say I want._ Waiting in the place where breathless lived, and him without any breath to begin with.

"I wish I could make-"

"It's not the same, but I-"

Their desperate sounding sentences collided, and stopped. "You first?" Buffy prompted.

"Oh no you don't. You're the bloody hero. _You_ be brave." He shook his head.

 _So whatever he wants to say is hard for him too._ She smiled so fleetingly that even his lightning bolt eyes missed it. "It's not the same feelings, like the other nights, but I was…I wondered if you… You can guess the rest, right?" Her eyes turned pleading.

He smiled, chest expanding and falling in a shadow of a relieved sigh. "I was gonna say, 'I wish I could make you feel better.' Is there somethin' I could do?"

She didn't ask why he was being nice this time, and he didn't find it odd to offer.

"Maybe. But we might not 'do' it the same way as before?"

"Any way you like, Luv." Spike swore.

"Don't know how to describe it." _Never had it._

"Then we get to find out. I bet it's slower. I like slower sometimes." Spike's hand slipped up to her temple and trailed down, not looking away from her.

"Definitely slower. And more- still." _Not about cumming this time, no fun twists on positions, no angling to make each other scream. I bet it'll happen, it's just not about that._

"Holdin' on to the other person?" He confirmed. _Holding you. You'd let me, Slayer? World really is on its ear._

"Sounds awesome."

"Lemme see if I can get it right, then." Spike leaned forward, and she met him halfway.

* * *

Disrobing was an afterthought. Kissing and holding were priority, until her hands went down and found the hem of his shirt, exposing his back. He jumped when her skin met his. Even though he felt like he was letting that "human virgin" side of himself out from its usual carefully kept hiding spot, he couldn't help but enjoy the gratification in her eyes.

"Sorry." She rubbed his back in light, long strokes.

"'S fine." Spike rolled the shirt up, sitting as he did so. He watched her own hands quickly start to pluck at her top, eyes down. He didn't like that. Like she had to take it off because he had. No tit for tat shit here, not this time, not now. His arms went down and under hers, coming back into her embrace, preventing her from doing anything out of some sense of evenness.

Eventually her hands tapped at his waist and her quiet breaths between kisses turned into quiet moans. "Let's get this off." He moved his hands to her hips and deft thumbs flicked open a button, swift fingertips slid down the zip. She went to work on him with more tugging, motions more hurried.

"You feel so nice." That sounded lame, but she didn't have the right word for this feeling. Something new but not something she felt like she had to work at to get used to. So relaxed, and slow, and yet her stomach tingled pleasantly. Comfortable and exciting all at once, and it was- just so nice.

"Mmm, you're the nicest thing I've ever felt, give you that." He practically purred against her, rubbing his face sideways across the almost bare body. Thumbs hooked over the edge of white panties with a row of lace edging, and flipped, turning them down and pulling them off her unprotesting legs, showing her perfect, pouting lips to him. Stiffness became a full on, raging salute.

 _He's seen it before._ Buffy watched him watching her, with his mouth slightly open, his eyes wide, then hungry looking. _You'd never know it by the way he-_ "Spike?"

The vampire slid seamlessly off the bed to slip between her thighs, calves across his shoulders.

Buffy began to sit up, pull her legs back. Turning this into a repeat of their first time, with all the stress-relief orgasms wasn't what she wanted. Well, wanted yes, but didn't need them more than the close, comforting contact. "Hey-"

"This is different." He reminded her, and he sighed contentedly. His tongue gave a little flicker against one proud lip and her legs fell open more fully. _This is worship. This is adoration of every inch._

Buffy's eyes closed and her toes curled- but didn't remain tensed for long. He moved back up her shortly. "Just wanted to pay my respects." He murmured. _Sweet spot, that place. Not only for fucking, not only for "practical" use, though Army Git forgot that._

"Thank you." When he stood, she sat.

"You don't have to." He was quick to see where this was going.

"Shh. Want to." Her hand caressed him gently, lightly up and down, then under, a hesitant cupping of the pale weight underneath the hardness. Mouth parted in a single tender glide, tongue danced in a single, unhurried lap. Buffy giggled when his head went back and a low, ragged moan tore out of him. "I didn't even do anything fancy."

"You didn't need to." _I hope you do this again sometime. Nice an' slow, savoring it all, while I'm savoring her._

 _Now would also be fairly bloody acceptable._

As if hearing his unspoken wish, she did give him several more long, slow pulses with her mouth. Buffy took him in much deeper than either expected, and released him with her head against the hard triangle between navel and erection. She echoed his contented sigh of earlier. "Mmm. For some reason, I didn't ever picture us like this."

"In bed?"

That for a start, but not what she meant. "Slow." _Not really about sex, but I don't think we need to say it. Both of us must know it, or we wouldn't be working so well together tonight._

"I said I'd try to figure out the right way." He nudged her back and watched her easily sprawl, arms out, legs slightly apart. Vanilla goddess on a pink silk cushion, and wanting nothing more than for him to hold her tight, and fill her up. _Happy to do both._

* * *

 _I was wrong about the positions._ This one was new. And really nice. Buffy was chest to chest with him, both on their sides, her top leg bent and over his back, her bottom leg taking turns under his, or simply flat against his. He was buried about halfway in, and if she leaned back, away from him, he sank in further. But she seldom leaned away, always headed closer. Not exactly the best position for getting each other to the happy, screamy stage, but perfect for looking at the facial expressions, clinging tight, lifting up, hugging hard.

 _The only thing missing is talking. But he thinks I'm not too much about talking tonight, and he's right. Except I suddenly feel like I have a lot to say to him._

"I needed this. N-needed you." It would have sounded guilty if it weren't said while buried against his forehead.

"Need you, too, Luv. Want you. So much."

The silence that followed was only broken by her breathing, the soft squeak of a random spring, and the drip of water on stone.

 _Wasn't ready to say that. Or think it even. Not to share it._

After mutual, initial panic came the urge for each to reassure the other.

"It's good to be needed, right?" Buffy bit her lip. "In a non-pressure-y way."

"An' wanted. Feel like someone wants you without makin' demands on you. Get enough of that, don't you?"

"Even when they don't mean to." Buffy agreed. "So. Back to what I said earlier. This is nice. And I … need this." _Right now anyway._ She wondered how long this need would be in place. If it would go away. _Do I want it to, something like this? Something that meets needs, whatever they are._

 _But it won't always be like this. Enjoy it while you can_. "Got it, Buffy." She opened her mouth, and he shook her head. "No." Eyebrows meaningfully raised, blue eyes knowing. "I said 'Got it, Buffy'." _Nothing more to say. Don't want to hear her say anything else._

* * *

"With him leaving, as in flyin' the bloody coop leavin'… nothin' to make you feel too angry or 'undesirable'." He watched her waking up after a cat nap. Slow might not take up as much energy, but it took more time, and that still took its toll.

Buffy blinked, brain tripping as it processed big heavy thoughts and unspoken implications when it had just woken up. "No. I guess not."

"Yeah. So…"

"Right." _So what's the point? Why do we keep doing this?_

Silence. Now wakeful, waiting. "On the other hand, with him gone, no one to help you take off the edge that slaying leaves behind, is there?"

"That's right." Her voice was a shade too eager. "N-not that I _need_ that edge taken off."

"You're a damn sight nicer when it is." Spike mumbled.

"Are you volunteering for the job?" Buffy giggled. " 'Edge-remover'?"

He tossed the ball back into her court. "Do you like the idea?"

Buffy winced. _Honesty time. Painful truths again. Ugly-but somehow actually really hot truths…_

Spike caught the wince. "Hey, it was a simple offer, you don't like, you don't take me up on it." _Why's she lying to me? I know she liked it. Liked me. Wanted me, needed me. Like I felt about her._

"I like the idea." Buffy blurted.

His eyebrows raised, the snide grin appeared- then vanished. "Glad." He said softly.

"But it can't be a- a it can't be anything. Anything more than - what we already did." Buffy stammered, looking away.

"I got it, Slayer. Ruin your precious reputation, and I'm evil even if I play nice, all the other reasons rolling 'round your head."

She was shaking her head, eyes big and somehow worried. _Worried about him? What he thinks? What he thinks I think? Ugh. I like being with Spike because … when I'm with him, I stop worrying about everything. For just a little while._ "Those are all good reasons, but I wasn't thinking of them." Buffy hastened to inform him. "I'm- it's going to be a long, weird year now, y'know?"

"It always is." _But this one'll be a record holder._

"So… can't be anything more, 'cause I don't think I'm ready for anything more." She told her hands, avoiding his eyes. "Not that you were even thinking there _would_ be. I was trying to warn you. I don't like when people -important people- do things without warning me, so… yeah. Professional courtesy and all that, right?"

 _I'm an important person, now? And somewhere in the back of that maze she calls a mind, there's an idea that this was only the starting place._

 _Must not be a totally barkin' idea, 'cause it feels like that to me, too._ Especially the last time. When they held on for the long, sweet ride, and neither stopped until both slept.

"Sounds good, Luv. This for now. This for a long time, short time. However it works out. Not complainin'."

She let out a relieved gush of air. "Good! That's good!" Now she met his eyes, smiling widely, seeing that same relaxed, peaceful smile on his face. Her body shifted deeper into the mattress and her eyes slowly closed again.

"Tired out, Pet?"

"Yeah." She grinned at his arm slid around her waist, drawing her back to rest against him. "Gimme ten minutes and I'm all yours."

 _I'm all yours._ Just a turn of phrase, his head reminded him. But what a delectable phrase it was. That this, his hand stroked from filling breast to the soft space between her hipbones, this could be all his. Not just the sex, the girl, and the-

"Hey! I felt that! I felt that, holy shit, Slayer I _felt_ that!" Spike sat up, hand flying off like it had been sprayed with holy water, then swooping gently back down to reclaim its position.

"Me, too." Buffy had felt a tiny motion, so small that no one would notice it- no one but two beings with incredible preternatural sensory systems who were doing nothing but focusing on the feel of each others bodies.

"Can I- can I do it again?" His brows were drawn together in concentration, rapt expression on his face.

"Only if the little guy does it again." She laughed.

"Well… I was gonna lay like this anyway." Spike tried to keep his voice brusque as he settled back into place.

There were no more noticeable motions. It didn't stop him from thinking. _This could be mine. Mine of sorts. Mine to look after. The girl to help. The little bit to just- keep an eye on for her._

He inhaled her scent, a face full of her hair as he buried his head to the nape of her neck. _It's more about the girl._

 _Damn. I could see m'self in this with her, at least on the edges._

"I'm so glad you came with me the other night. The night at the Bronze." Buffy muttered drowsily.

"I'm happy 'bout that, too. An' Red owes me. Gotta see her to settle up."

"Mmhmm. Or she'll wonder why you had a sudden change of heart. Didn't want your payment." Buffy agreed with a sleepy giggle.

 _Sudden change of heart_. Another turn of phrase that touched a nerve someplace. "Wouldn't want that, Slayer."

"Nu-uh." A yawn. A burrow into the pillow, a burrow back into him, ensconcing herself more deeply, soft cheeks against what was becoming hard.

Spike grit his teeth and held down the urge to start things off again, screw her request for another little nap. Instead he kissed her shoulder and moved his hands higher, cupping her breasts and making her let out soft sound of pleasure. Deadly enemies, cozied up together, and it was… the best he'd felt in a long time. By the way she smiled as she drifted off, it must be the same for her. Another kiss on her neck, and then he closed his eyes as well.

 _Stay on the edges, William. At least until she thinks about letting someone in. Never know if that moment will come, but I guess if it does, I'll be ready._

* * *

 _The end of the first part of our journey, more to come shortly (I hope). Keep an eye out for the continuation!_


End file.
